With homes of their own to furnish and a fashion image to keep up, my children are terrified in case I should, in a well meaning moment, offer them some of my furniture to help them along.

I think I really got the picture when they started arguing between themselves as to who should inherit the sideboard. My sideboard is solid, functional and, well I thought so anyway, good to look at. My children taught me otherwise. My sideboard is an article of ridicule.

'I sent Mum a birthday card, you forgot,' said one. 'Never mind, it means Mum will leave you the sideboard,' retorted the other. At first I was shocked and a little upset. Could I convince them that it was now, or soon would be, a collector's item?

I think not. The scratches and burn mark where someone had carelessly left a cigarette put paid to that. But knowing how much they dislike the sideboard I used the threat of inheritance to my own advantage.

'Will you come over and decorate the bedroom?'

'I'm, sorry, Mum. I haven't got a lot of spare time.'

'I'll leave the sideboard to your sister...'

'When would you like me to come?'

My daughter buys me flowers and is rewarded by my promise to leave the sideboard to my son, my son takes me out to dinner on Mothers' Day and I swear my daughter will get the sideboard and probably the table as well.

But I have a feeling that I may have played one off against the other a little too much. Recently I overheard them coming to an agreement about the sideboard - they are planning to bury me in it.