I took a moment out to ask myself, leaning my forehead on a cool, soothing wall tile - "Which is more fascinating - a free-standing paper towel dispenser, or the myriad wonders of the deep displayed live right before your very eyes?" Phew. Yes, I agreed with myself - definitely the Wonders, as assembled for our pleasure at the Sea Life Centre - but there's nothing like A Family Day Out to make you doubt your very sanity. Still, at least Baby was enjoying dispensing great ribbons of paper towel actually meant for those children prepared to please their parents by interacting with the educational "Touchpool". Until then, the only thing going swimmingly with this day out were the exhibits.

The enormous potential for family enjoyment had begun at the beach. What a treat! I'd always had this vision of taking my beloved offspring for his first day out on the sands. We'd run along together, probably all dressed in white, a bit like a family in a yoghurt commercial, with the sun dancing in our flowing golden hair, and Baby chuckling contentedly as we frolicked in the sparkling waves and made giant sandcastles. I could already see the treasured photos in my mind… But, we jumped down excitedly from the promenade wall, expecting shrieks of baby delight. There were shrieks all right - Baby DIDN'T LIKE SAND. This is a major hurdle to family fun at the seaside. Even a single grain adhering to his shoe was apparently quite similar to witnessing a tarantula enter the leg of his trousers.

Aha, thought crestfallen, irritated, but still resourceful mummy - remove baby shoes and let the family fun and frolics begin. After all, the pressure to enjoy yourself on a 'Family Day Out' is so enormous your ears start popping - especially landmark ones like 'First Trip to Beach.' But no, even worse - bare feet meeting sand equals total hysteria - "Up, up, UP!" The only way he'd stay on the sand at all was in his pram, with four wheels between him and that scratchy, scary golden stuff - with his feet sticking horizontally in the air. And boy, did we feel silly playing the running-towards-the-waves-then-rushing-screaming-from-them game with Baby in his pram, while other families looked on with tears in their eyes, obviously thinking he couldn't get out of his pram. But we gritted our teeth in that stoic 'Family Day Out' way and persevered with the having fun. Then he got splashed with a fairy rain drop's worth of water and repeated the word "Weeeeeeeet" 47 times, plaintively, in a row - this finally convinced us that the seaside was not for us, and with much ungainly huffing and puffing of the baby-laden pram back through the grudging sand, we looked around for inspiration. We could hardly just go home when we'd come all this way. Then we saw a sign - 'Sea Life Centre' - SAVED!

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