Kim and Selena were both victims of childhood sexual abuse. Both are successful career women, both have happy second marriages, and children. In spite of this, they both continued to experience problems related to what happened to them as children. Eventually Kim founded a small self-help group called Survivors, which is where she and Selina finally met. Their friendship transformed their lives. "Kim stood out. It was an aura she gave. She was special and we just connected because we understand each other." begins Selina.
Kim says of Selina, "It was love at first sight. I love her like a sister. Ours is a friendship, but it was love at first sight in a non-sexual way."
Kim was first abused by her grandfather when she was 6 years old. The abuse continued until she was 11. "Things were dealt with very differently then. Keeping quiet was the better option. It was a family decision, rather than mine." Kim wasn't allowed to visit her grandfather on her own, but as a family there were still the weekend visits to go through, and family celebrations. Kim felt very alone, "I thought there was something wrong with me because such a horrible thing had happened." After the death of her grandfather, Kim thought she would be released from her feelings, but they persisted.
Selina began to be sexually abused by her father when she was 11. It went on until she was 17. "I never told anyone about the abuse when it was happening. I just knew that I wasn't to say anything. I kept it inside me. I didn't want to upset anybody."
Kim met and married Mick, and still they have a strong and happy marriage. When her first child was born, Kim began to feel almost paranoid with the concern that something was going to happen to him. Eventually she went to her doctor and explained that she thought her feelings were connected with her childhood. Selina too, found herself struggling with her feelings when her two daughters were children, "I found it very difficult to hug them. It was as if there was a brick wall between us. I knew it shouldn't be like that." Both Selina and Kim received counselling. It was of enormous help, allowing Selina to feel able to take her father to court, "I needed to be believed that it was his fault not mine. I still felt I was missing out on my life." Selina's father was found guilty. But there was still a void. Kim, too, felt that after her couselling was complete, she still needed something more. It was about this time that the two women met, "I can remember the first time I saw Selina at the Survivors organisation," says Kim, "There's always a part of me that feels separate, apart from other people - that's why it was such a wonderful experience meeting Selina. I found a soulmate." For Selina too, it was a meeting which changed her life, "Kim's so strong, she listens, and makes me laugh - which helps. I began to say things I wanted to say rather than not say them. I'm me now. Before I was another person." Selina's influence helped Kim regain the childhood she felt she'd never had, "It's silly to most people, but we play on the swings, go to the funfair - I missed out so much. It's like a second childhood. I wouldn't have been able to do it by myself, but I can do it with Selina."
Selina and Kim's friendship had an impact on their marriages, "It's taken time for my husband to understand the relationship Selina and I have," says Kim, "We love each other dearly, but Selina and I also have a special relationship. He acknowledges that Selina has been a big help to me, and says I am a more interesting person because of that!"
After meeting Kim, Selina's husband and family noticed a difference in her behaviour, "My husband once said, 'Who is the real you?' I think now he sees the real me. I am more confident and tend to stand my ground more."
There are, of course, down days when the memories return, and that's when Selina and Kim value their relationship most.
