When Sally’s husband Simon died of cancer two years ago, she was left to cope with two young children. But the death had a particularly devastating effect on her eldest son who was in need of counselling...

The Stanley Family

Simon Stanely was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of 2000. He had been on holiday with his wife Sally and two small boys when he felt a lump in his abdomen. Neither he nor Sally were too alarmed because he wasn't in any pain.

Simon went to a GP who arranged for him to see a consultant immediately. Two or three days before Christmas, Simon had a scan and at the beginning of January, he was told he needed a biopsy.

Sally thought she would visit Simon in the evening after the biopsy, but instead she was asked to come to the hospital as a matter of urgency. There she found a very efficient looking lady walking up and down the corridor in a tweed suit. Sally looked at the woman’s bag and it said Macmillan nurse. Sally says, "I knew then what they were going to be telling me".

The surgeon told Sally that he would tell Simon. Sally remembers getting angry and saying "You won’t tell Simon. I want to tell him and I shall tell him in my own words and when I want". That’s exactly what she did. Simon's immediate reaction was "I really want to see my sons grow up and I really really want to see my brother get married". .

Their eldest son Andrew was 5 at the time and he and Simon had a very close relationship. Andrew’s reaction was "But that means you’re going to die then doesn’t it because my granny had that and she died?".

Simon was determined to live as normal life as possible, but after seventeen months, he became very ill. He’d become depressed and didn’t want to see the children. The only thing he could eat were milk shakes. Sally suggested Andrew could bring it in. Andrew hadn’t seen Simon for a while. The Macmillan nurse offered to take Andrew in to Simon. Andrew took it all in his stride. He emptied Simon's nasal tube, took the vomit bowls to sluice and asked lots of questions.

Then Simon was transferred to a hospice where the care was fantastic. Two nights before he died Simon held a party where all his friends and family came in to say goodbye. Eventually Simon he just stopped fighting died very quietly.

Tom, Sally & Andrew on the launch of Simon Says

Once of the worst that happened after Simon’s death was the change that took place in Andrew. Sally says, "he was quite volatile and very angry. It was very difficult to channel that kind of grief when you are trying to deal with your own".

They found a grief counsellor who dealt with bereaved children. Sally never asked Andrew what they discussed, but one day he came out with picture of a volcano. "That’s my anger, that’s what I felt like when daddy died".

As a result of her own experience, Sally has set up a charity in Simon’s memory called Simon Says. It’s for children who have lost a parent, sibling, close friend or grandparent and offers information to people desperate for information