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Asperger Marriage Gisela and Christopher talk about their relationship. Married since 1994, five years ago Christopher was diagnosed with Aspergers...  Chris and Giselle's wedding day |
Five years ago, Chris and Giselle's marriage was in trouble. Giselle couldn't understand how Chris could be oblivious to the impact of his actions on other people.
He had for example, marched into his parents house to borrow some equipment, and despite finding his brother and girlfriend there, had walked out again without a word to anyone. His mother was devastated. When Giselle pointed out how rude that was, Chris genuinely didn't see that it was rude.
Even now she says, when there's an issue that needs to be discussed, he simply won't talk about it. At all. Instead they use internet messaging as a form of chit chat.
A turning point for the couple was when they were given a book about an Autistic woman. Her description of her father, as 'arrogant and remote' resembled Chris so closely that he looked up the diagnostic criteria for Autism on the web. Reading about lack of facial expression, speech patterns and twitching fingers, both Giselle and Chris were convinced that he had Asperger's Syndrome.
Waiting for the diagnosis to be confirmed, Giselle says she felt either way that she was a loser:
'either I was married to a fairly unpleasant man who didn't want to understand me, or I was married to someone who, with the best will in the world, couldn't understand me'.
But for Chris the diagnosis was a starting point; he felt he could learn from the past. And Giselle has found that having the diagnosis has made her understand that he had a disability and that 'asking Chris to understand her intuitively was like asking someone deaf to hear'.
Chris and Giselle have a son, George, with whom Chris there is no 'invisible barrier' which he feels with most people. With Giselle he has an emotional attachment, physical intimacy and someone who is prepared to go on teaching him the social skills he lacks. And if Giselle does find herself in the role of teacher and mentor more than she would wish, she does at least now understand 'where he's coming from'.
More information:
'An Asperger Marriage' by Gisela and Christopher Slater-Walker
published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
ISBN: 1-84310-017-7
Giselle and Chris's website.
National Autistic Society
has information about Autism and Asperger's syndrome, including support and services available in the UK
Check Up Live Chat on Autism
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