John and Sean Watts in the studio

Sean and his wife Luda have been trying to have children for ten years. He met his wife in Finland - his wife is Russian - and right from the start they decided to leave it up to chance whether they became parents or not. At the time Sean thought "When it happens it happens, we're not worried, we're not going to plan, we'll just work round it".

After four or five years they began to be concerned. They went to the doctor and had tests, and were told that neither of them had a definite 'problem'. They were told, in fact, that a third of couples are seemingly 'infertile' without any medical explanation.

Sean and Luda have had one attempt at IVF, though the chance of success with IVF is only one in three. It is also an expensive, and stressful, business. Sean feels that despite today's modern scientific world conception is also a matter of luck. Sean admits that his relationship with his wife is strong but somewhat tumultuous, and that their experience of trying to have a child has caused problems. "I know that sometimes Luda feels that it's her fault, and sometimes it feels like my fault and sometimes we just get angry because it's nobody's fault".

Of course Sean encounters people socially who ask him whether he's planning to start a family. Sean is honest with people that they are trying but that it hasn't worked out thus far, but finds that people can be embarrassed by his response. Friends who have become pregnant have also sometimes been reticent to share their good news. "Of course we are very happy for them...but it is painful and we wouldn't wish it on anyone". Sean has thought about adoption, but isn't sure he could cope with his personal affairs being picked over, nor the potentially damning conclusion that he wasn't, after all, suitable.

Of course parenthood would be great, Sean says, but he tries to keep things in perspective. Ultimately, though, being childless is not their choice.