"It was a nightmare really. An absolute nightmare".

Steward says that he does love his children, though he realised early on that it was a mistake to have them, but not their fault. He says he didn’t neglect or ignore them, and took them out to places, and did all the things he felt he was supposed to do, but he found being a father utterly boring and not at all enjoyable. He feels that many parents are ‘living a lie’ and do not enjoy their children.

Steward was 19 and his wife 17 when they decided to have children, mainly because it "was one of those things you just did". He feels now that perhaps they should have had some life together first.

His son was born first, when Steward was away in the army, so he didn’t see him until he was 3 ½ months old. "From the day of seeing him, there was nothing there". He felt the same after the birth of his daughter a year later, and had a vasectomy at 22. Steward has always joked with his children about his attitude, and told them frankly that he’s not interested in ever seeing any grandchildren.

Steward says he doesn’t have the need to see his children, and describes his relationship with them as being "close - in a distant way". He admits that there was the odd moment during their upbringing that made him laugh, but in general his feeling at the end of a day with them was just "thank God that’s over".

Steward’s colleagues at work know about his attitude, though most don’t understand it. He says that some tell him privately that they wish they hadn’t had children, while giving a different view in a group.

He’s glad his children have done well, but "I’ll be honest with you. With hindsight, I would never have had children. Never, never. No doubts about it at all. I just wouldn’t hesitate to say that…even though I love my children".