 | Guide Entry: Planet Earth
by Jane Young
Earth: Mostly harmless, small, blue-green planet, disregarded by the galaxy for millennia but now gaining popularity with hitchhikers thanks to a new advertising campaign. If forty-two is the answer, what is the question? Slartibartfast Tours are capitalising on Earth's original design to calculate the Ultimate Question of Life the Universe and Everything, by marketing the planet with the strapline: Fjords, Fish and Philosophy - the Quest for the Question. For many hitchhikers it has become an essential step along the path to knowledge and enlightenment.
There are already some well-established alien communities in places such as California, Canberra and Camden Town. You can even hear the Brockian Ultra Cricket scores broadcast daily as "The Shipping Forecast". The human inhabitants don't understand it, but they listen to it all the same.
The majority regard themselves as little more than dust, completely unaware that they were created to be part of the programme to reveal the mysteries of the Universe. Also, they have about as much understanding of life in the rest of the galaxy as a Vogon has about how to write a polite thank you letter. This mindboggling ignorance can cause some communication problems for travellers. Babel fish are not commonly used, so you may find it useful to learn a phrase or two in the local language. Any offence inadvertently caused by any aspect of your behaviour will be excused if you can say "Sorry, I'm drunk / a tourist / a celebrity."
Looking for excitement, adventure and really wild things? Get down to Earth. Bring your towel. And don't forget to visit Bournemouth.
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