Disability Bitch vs doctors

I don't go to the doctor very often. They never listen. I say, "I have the flu" and they go, "What a rare and interesting impairment you have, let's talk about that for three hours." And we do. And at the end of the conversation I still have flu and am no closer to not having flu.

Well, I went to the doctor today. Witness this:

"Hello," I said. "I'm Bitch. I've got a bloodshot eye."

"Yes," said the doctor. "You have." I was glad we agreed. "Have you fallen over recently?"

"Yes," I answered. "I'm a wobbly person. It's snowing. I fell over yesterday. In the snow."

"Oh," he said. "Did you bang your head?"

"No," I said. "Definitely not."

"Because banging your head can cause you to burst blood vessels in your eye," he said.

"Yes," I said. "It can. But I didn't bang my head."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I certainly did not bang my head."

"Right," he said, "But you did fall over."

"Yes," I said. "And I banged my knee, not my head."

"The thing is," he said, "banging your head can cause bloodshot eyes."

"Yeah," I repeated. "But I didn't bang my head."

"Blood vessels in eyes can be very weak," he said. "They can burst if you bang your head."

He asked if he could check my reflexes. Now, I'm all for a holistic approach to medicine, but I turned up with an eye problem hoping for a quick fix of antibiotics. I'm fairly sure I've got a bog standard bloodshot eye because I also have a cold and I'm coughing very exuberantly. It makes sense. I told the doctor this.

"Yes," he says, "but you also fall over frequently". He checks my spasticated reflexes.

"You're disabled," he says.

Once again we agree.

"There's nothing much else wrong with you," he says. "But you are a Bitch."

He tells me to take care in the snow as I leave his surgery with hurting eyes and no medication.