Caput – total caput. It just hasn’t worked. I tried but Steve and I are to be no more. What is a girl to do when she has to do all the running? There is no blame here but… but… I don’t like buts. It isn’t that we didn’t get on. I think his life was too full to have to make an effort. | "Instead of feeling like a raging inferno, it was almost as though the pilot light constantly had to be restarted" | |
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like being smothered but a little effort would make a difference. Somehow I never felt that this was the case. Perhaps it was too comfortable? Or was it? I can’t put my finger on it. Instead of feeling like a raging inferno, it was almost as though the pilot light constantly had to be restarted. You can only push that button for so long and then you just give up. So back to the drawing board. I was watching Notting Hill, the Wedding Planner and Bridget Jones the Edge of Reason over the last few weeks. I know they are all chick flicks, but they got me thinking. What is it all about? How do you find that match? Not to light the pilot light with you understand, but the man who will have a life and be fun, trustworthy, loving, attractive, not perfect (perfect men are gorgeous but they stray a lot), just good fun and intelligent. Am I asking too much? I heard from a friend last night who wants to do rude things to me and I don’t want to go there. My life is complicated enough. It’s nice to flirt and know that he’s there. Makes me realise that I’m attractive to someone and there is hope. Most of my friends still can’t believe I’m single but as I say to them, you never know what lies behind closed doors. In my case not a six footer with rugby thighs! I thought I’d feel a little disheartened by the last few weeks. To be honest it has been great. It has got me back out there onto the ‘dating’ market. But my cynicism remains. This is a game. Men between forty and forty six are still in mid life crisis mode and I think they should be avoided at all costs. Do men ever grow up? What do women really want? Whatever is to be will be? At least I'm having fun. But boredom is now setting in and I fear my fingers will wander towards those keys and internet dating sites. I could write a book about them. I'm not after the one night shag, love 'em and leave 'em, which most people on dating sites are up for. I glanced at one of the Sundays yesterday – spotted someone who sounded my type – oh god what is my type? Anyway watch this space – phone calls, keyboards and my new best friend, Lesley, at the ready. One of them has to succeed. | 
