|  | Scene OneAt Number 4 Quincey Row, two o’clock in the morning, student Claire Benjamin hears someone walking downstairs.
CLAIRE: Hello? Is there anyone there?
The front door is quickly opened and closed. Claire knocks on Lucy and Sarah’s bedroom doors.
Lucy? Sarah? Are you awake?
SARAH: Claire? What’s wrong?
LUCY: This better be good.
Claire knocks on Richie’s bedroom door.
RICHIE: I have only just got in. So I don’t want to be disturbed thanks.
LUCY: I agree with him. What do you want, Claire?
CLAIRE: Didn’t you hear the noise a moment ago? SARAH: I heard a noise.
LUCY: That could have just been Richie.
CLAIRE: It could have been, but I think it was Michael.
She knocks on Michael’s door, but there is no answer.
No answer.
LUCY: He might just be ignoring you.
SARAH: If you want to know if it was Michael, ask him in the morning.
CLAIRE: I would, but Michael has been so secretive and so defensive.
LUCY: He’s entitled to his privacy, Claire. Good night.
SARAH: Don’t worry about it now, Claire. It’s late. Scene Two
Six hours later, downstairs…
MICHAEL: Claire… You are always up early, aren’t you? You must get a lot done.
CLAIRE: Do you always go out so late?
MICHAEL: How do you mean?
CLAIRE: You went out late last night. I heard you.
MICHAEL: I don’t want to be impolite, Claire, but I think you should spend more time on what you need to do, less on what I may or may not be doing.
CLAIRE: I’m sorry, Michael. I’m just a little concerned.
There is a knock at the front door. Michael answers it. In walks Nick Jeffreys.
NICK: It seems I’ve got you up, mate. Late night again?
MICHAEL: I do not need questions from you as well, Nick.
NICK: I don’t understand. Then he notices Claire… Oh I see. Are you going to introduce me? MICHAEL: Claire, this is Nick.
NICK: Nick Jeffreys. Don’t worry about Michael, Claire. It was another late night for him. MICHAEL: Are you coming upstairs?
NICK: Okay, mate. Nice to meet you, Claire. I’m sure I’ll see you again, but we’ve got things to sort out now. Scene Three
Across town, at Professor Hussein’s fertility clinic, Sandra and Gordon Dickens are waiting for their appointment.
SANDRA: Cheer up, Gordon. It’ll soon be over. Your part, anyway.
GORDON: It’s all right for you, Sandra. Your part’s…well…passive. Whereas me, I’ve got to--- Lisa-Marie wanders in.
LISA-MARIE: Ready for your sample now, Mr Dickens?
GORDON: Ready as I’ll ever be… Here, you haven’t been saying anything, have you? About seeing me here?
LISA-MARIE: Of course not, Mr Dickens. That’d be against the rules.
GORDON: It’s just… I’ve noticed giggling when I’m on my round.
SANDRA: You’re imagining it, Gordon.
LISA-MARIE: Professor Hussein’s waiting, Mr Dickens.
Gordon reluctantly takes the plastic cup and tissues.
GORDON: This may take some time. Scene Four
Meanwhile, at the student house…
CLAIRE: I was thinking we should have some rules.
LUCY: Do we have to talk about this now? CLAIRE: I know what you’re thinking. I’m bossing you about. Getting obsessive about the house. But all I want is to make sure the place is clean. Just general things.
LUCY: I know, Claire. It is not me you have to tell. It’s Richie. He thinks you are obsessed with cleaning. He called you Monica, because you were cleaning up his mess around him yesterday. CLAIRE: And that is why I want rules.
LUCY: I can’t do this now. I’ve got a lecture. Scene Five
Half and hour later, in Professor Hussein’s consulting room…
SANDRA: I can’t think what’s taking him so long, Professor. It doesn’t usually…
PROFESSOR HUSSEIN: While we’re waiting, Sandra… Have you given any thought to my suggestion?
SANDRA: I’ve thought of nothing else for the last fortnight. But I’m not really sure what’s involved. PROFESSOR HUSSEIN: The practicalities are pretty much the same for all forms of fertility treatment. At the end of the day, all we are doing is trying to replicate nature. The advantages of fertilisation outside the body really boil down to control. The best eggs. And superior sperm.
SANDRA: That’s the bit I don’t get. If my eggs are normal and Gordon’s sperm is, well, weak… PROFESSOR HUSSEIN: My point precisely.
Lisa-Marie sticks her head round the door.
LISA-MARIE: Mr Dickens has done the business, Professor.
PROFESSOR HUSSEIN: Thank you, Ms Partridge… Well, Sandra. One last go the old-fashioned way. Scene SixThat evening, at Number Four the Row… Claire leaves her bedroom as Lucy leaves the bathroom.
LUCY: I’ve finished now. So you can go in there. CLAIRE: Thanks. Are you going anywhere nice? LUCY: I just wanted to freshen up. Richie asked if we wanted to go down the pub in a little bit. Me and Sarah are going.
CLAIRE: I don’t know if I’m in the mood. Especially after the way Richie has acted.
LUCY: He is all right really. Once you get to know him. I’ve seen plenty of blokes like Richie. It’s almost always just a show. Get used to it. CLAIRE: I shouldn’t have to get used to it. I left home so I wouldn’t have to be in a noisy house. LUCY: Perhaps some of us decided to leave home so we could have some independence. For a hippie chick you are uptight.
Michael emerges from his bedroom.
MICHAEL: Do you think it is possible for you to keep it quiet out here? I am trying to sleep. The music downstairs I could just about tolerate. But right outside my bedroom door is different. CLAIRE: What? You haven’t got a problem with music that loud?
MICHAEL: If it isn’t all the time I can get used to it. But like I said, can you keep it quiet?
Michael heads downstairs.
LUCY: See, Claire. We haven’t got that much of a problem with it. Ask Sarah. Scene SevenDownstairs, Michael finds Richie. RICHIE: Hi, mate. Fancy a beer?
MICHAEL: I could do with one. Thanks.
RICHIE: You’re Michael then? I’ve been here best part of a term and we’ve never---
MICHAEL: And you’re Richie.
RICHIE: I’m famous, I see. Especially with Claire. MICHAEL: It would seem Claire does not take to having her house disorganised. If I was you I would think about getting on her good side. RICHIE: She has a good side?
MICHAEL: I think Claire simply has a certain way of going about things. I know she asks a of lot questions, because she asked me what I was doing last night.
RICHIE: And what did you do?
MICHAEL: I didn’t tell Claire and I am not prepared to tell you.
RICHIE: All right, Mike. If you have some sinister little secrets, don’t let me get in your way. MICHAEL: What I do is private. Okay, Richard? Sarah and Lucy enter the living room.
LUCY: Are we still going to the pub then?
RICHIE: Of course we are. No chance of Claire coming I guess?
SARAH: No. She said you were the last person she wanted to see right now.
RICHIE: I hope you’re coming, Mick.
MICHAEL: I am not really in the mood.
SARAH: Come on, Michael. Don’t hide yourself away. It would be nice to get to know you better.
MICHAEL: Okay. I will just get my coat.
RICHIE: The appeal of a beautiful young lady can always change a guy’s mind. Scene EightIn the Bully…
RICHIE: This is an interesting pub, isn’t it? Should’ve come in here before now.
LUCY: I don’t know why we had to come here at all. There are other places we could go.
RICHIE: Come on, we need to get to know the locals. We’ve been in the Gardens long enough. MICHAEL: A pub is a pub. It is not where you are, but who you’re with.
RICHIE: Now that’s what I like to hear.
LUCY: But we aren’t stopping here all night, surely?
SARAH: I was going to ask that. Me and Lucy know some places not too far from here. We went to this club the other night---
LUCY: That was a good night. You should have seen Sarah. You’ll have to watch this one. RICHIE: A bit of a man-eater are you, Sarah? SARAH: Er, no.
RICHIE: There’s no need to feel uncomfortable, Sarah.
MICHAEL: A comment like that could unfairly damage a girl’s reputation. Scene EightMeanwhile, at the bar, the Geordie girls from Number 3 The Row approach Harry. EMMA: Can we have a word, Mr Carson?
HARRY: Of course you can, girls. Three slammers, is it?
KIRSTY: Can’t hurt.
EMMA: Actually, Mr Carson, we were wondering, like. You having a do for Christmas?
HARRY: What sort of a ‘do’?
LISA-MARIE: A party or a concert. Something with music anyway.
HARRY: I expect so. We usually make a big night of it.
LISA-MARIE: Bands, like?
HARRY: It has been known.
EMMA: Can we do it? KIRSTY: Can we be the band?
HARRY: Can you sing?
KIRSTY: Yeah! Wanna hear us?
HARRY: No, no need for that. What about backing?
LISA-MARIE: We bring it with us.
EMMA: And we won’t charge. This being our local, like.
KIRSTY: Em!
HARRY: You’ve got yourself a booking then, girls. What do you call yourselves?
KIRSTY: Ah…
LISA-MARIE: We’ll get back to you on that, Mr Carson. Scene Nine
Back at the student’s table…
RICHIE: So there I am stark bullock naked. Locked out of the house, basically because I’d been in such a rush I’d left my keys. And my parents weren’t back until the day after.
Lucy and Sarah laugh.
MICHAEL: Are you going to tell us how you got out of that situation?
RICHIE: I wish you hadn’t asked… Those girls at the bar look up for it. Maybe we should invite them to our party.
SARAH: Party? What party?
Before Richie can answer, Sid Jones walks over to the table.
SID: Came for quiet drink. Not this racket. Not wanted here. No.
RICHIE: I’m sure it won’t happen again, Mr---? SID: Jones.
RICHIE: Mr Jones. Thanks for warning us. Message received and understood.
Claire arrives as Sid stalks off in his customary huff.
CLAIRE: I thought I would come down after all. Probably just as well if Richie is going to annoy our neighbours.
SARAH: You shouldn’t have come down here on your own, Claire. Don’t you know there’s a sex maniac about?
CLAIRE: What? Other than the ones who are already here?
LUCY: Sarah’s right. A girl can’t be too careful. Even you, Claire.
CLAIRE: I got here, didn’t I? I didn’t see anyone. Well, apart from that Smith bloke, and he’s OK, isn’t he? A bit creepy, admittedly, but he’s from the University. |
