Living Here

Monsieur salle a mongeat
You should come to the opera house Mr de silva.I have witnessed your talent first hand in London.Jersey has no "idea" what it is missing out on. However thanks to the dear BBC you heard it hear first.

Flem la don
A crapaud is a large crazy frog my dear.

Flem le don
Summer never starts!What a washout, thinking of selling my jeep and going afloat instead.

James Marett
You know you're on Jersey when... It takes you 45 minutes to drive 2 miles Every shop sells fudge Hire car drivers are considered a lower form of life than Honorary Policemen Everyone keeps banging on about “the cleanest beaches in the world”

The locals are clearly confused about roundabouts The guy serving your drinks is Australian/Irish/Polish Most people own a car that can go at least four times the maximum speed limit (40mph) Everyone else owns a death-trap rust bucket

Most adverts feature John Nettles Graeme Le Sauz is “not gay actually”… If you are driving a hire car you are automatically considered to be “driving dangerously”

The best solution to crime is to ignore it Going to London for the day takes three days and costs 300 quid

Money has a cow on it Trains are a thing of the past People think they are lucky if they can get a forth channel on their TV

Derrick Warwick is a hero (who?) People are wearing bikinis to do their shopping Your car won’t fit in the car park All pubs sell the same crap beer Most tourists are German

Having a surfboard on your roof makes you ‘cool’ Having an H on your car (hire car) makes you an absolute idiot You pay over a thousand pounds a month to live in a single room Milk is thicker than cream and can give you a blocked artery just by looking at it No-one’s heard of broadband You can’t walk more than nine miles in a straight line without getting wet

Everyone hates Guernsey Everyone is ‘English’ during the world cup and a ‘Bean’ during the Commonwealth Games Going bowling is still a novelty

Helder de silva *Cabaret Star*
Well here i am mincing around in London, but not forgeting my beloved Jersey.A little bit sad to be missing Carla and clement.Wheres Rita and miss lincolnstill gotta find the time to come home lol h.d.s.c.s x

Helder de silva *Cabaret star*
Hello beans,how are you.I was going to come over in June but the weather has been diabollockall.Trying to get a slot at Jersey live but im not sure if i can get it!Its so difficult podgebears you and i know that getting free time is of the escennce. Still as they say in Jersey summer never ends and either sooner or later my cabaret act and entourage will be back to perform. Especially with the sad news that the cosmopolitan is to be no more. Thankyou one et all!

Graham Le Bell
CrapaudWhat on earth are these?

Helder De silva *Cabaret Star*
Hello fans in Jersey im just letting you know im fine and all is well in London.There is a chance i may be returning to jersey in June for a week to do a couple of gigs and collect my Playstation bits and bobsso du worries i will pop in.My shows have been a sell out and im now dating a lady of Bulgarian aristocracy.Hope to see you all soon lots of love Helder de silva cabaret star

Count le salle de bain
Evening podgebears you and iknow!living in this land is just plain crazy.Jersey provides you with all the materialisim you could ever wish for.Houses cars and everything else,it seems is attainable.However where are all the nice people? Who is there that cares? Nobody seems to care about anybody anymore unless theres some kind of financial reward or what am i going to get out of it??Yes Jersey can provide endless money minis and four wheel drives but at the expense of the fact that the people who live in it have no soul are nasty arrogant and just plain horrible!!!

Don le flu
Hello podgebears! You and i know.Summers hereand time to "Relax" Its going to be a long hot summer so time to start feeling refreshed and pop open the pink champagne.Time for fun and a little decadence. Cheers Don x.

Helder De silva *Cabaret Star*
Well unfortunatly i had to leave Jersey and City suitsfor something a bit bigger where the girls are girls and the lights shine brightly.Where the nights are long and "sparkling" with action.My future awaitsas a Cabaret star it is with regret that Jeresey was just to small to make me what i am but she didnt have the resourses.If your in London some day pop in and see me at the west end and remember like Nerina i will be flying the flag for Jersey,do worries!!!lots of love Helder de silvaCabaret Star.

Monty labey
I must be turning Jersey cause im thinking of buying a new mini like Madonna did all them years ago!!!

Elizabeth
There's a boat in the morning if you don't like it!

Don le flu
Horray we can adopt!!! This calls for a celebration Karma,karma,karma,karma karma chameleon."Horray".

Ali Le Vesconte
Happy New Year to ma loves to all my fellow beans from the now Canadian Jersey Bean in Ontario,Canada

pavel mylosovich
yar,yar!me work hard for one day buy nice quality car fso polonez thanking you jersey for poportunity to work in the island much of hard but gratefull thanks.

JERSEY BOY "m,luv".
ALRART "A" I JUST FAND ART THAT IT COSTS £180,OOO PAND TO BRING UP A KID,THATS IN THE UK,WHICH MEANS ABAT £6MILLION OVER YER WITH OUR PRARCES.IM SHOCKED ME!! IV,E DESARDED TO GO DOWN TO THE HOSPIDDLE AND GET NEWTERED.IT WILL SAVE ME MONEY "A".BAR M,LUV.

"Dirty-Don" im a bit special"
HELLO FELLOW BEANS, MERRY CHRISTMAS,I INVITE YOU ALL TO JOIN ME ON TUESDAY 19TH DECEMBER AT 2PM FOR "FUN GAMES" AND FROLICS ON OUR 1ST "PINK" "MARCH" CALLED HOLD YOUR PARASOL WITH PRIDE. ALL ARE WELCOME SO COME AND "REFRESH YOURSELF" AND FEEL A "BIT SPECIAL" COME AND JOIN IN THE PARTY ATMOSPHERE "WER,E A BIT DIFFERENT SO SIT BACK "RELAX" AND ENJOY AND DISCOVER WHY BEING A "BIT" DIFFERENT IS OK WITH US, I MIGHT LET YOU KISS ME UNDER THE MISSELTOE. LOVE THE UMMITIABLE DON XX

sue
I think roadworks in Jersey should be made an official sport in the winter olympics

scottish resident
went to jersey on holiday and never went home does it sound familiar once your there there no going back

POOF CASSIDY and the sundance flid.
alrart my-love. 20 pence "a". to dyer yer.....b,low,mluv. sup and tennerfest is ten bloody quid,not 12,15 or anything else. When are we thickies gonna see the light gross "misrepresentation!!!!

JUSTIFY M,LOVE
IM MAKING A JERSEY VERSION OF MADONNA,S CLASSIC HIT. OF COURSE MY VERSION IS CALLED "JUSTIFY M,LOVE".

TUTU "the legend".of Jersey!!!
TUTU CAN BE SEEN DAILY SITTING ON THE WALL OUTSIDE THE SCRUFFY FLATS A BIT FURTHER DOWN FROM SQUIRES PUB,HE LOOKS LIKE BENNY HILL OR BENNY FROM CROSSROADS. IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE TRUE SPIRIT OF A JERSEYMAN GO DOWN THERE AND SHOUT HELLO TUTU ARE YOU THERE??? TUTU WILL APPEAR IN A PUFF OF SMOKE AND SAY AH YES "A".

Tomek
Hello,Hello meet mine!!! thankyou jerseybeans for being so sweet and loving me from my first job oh! cafe,to my present job at Don,s beach house it,s been a pleasure uhhhh! hi.

Alison Le Vesconte
Alright ma loves eh!! I'm a bean that has escaped to Ontario,Canada!! Canadians also say eh so I feel at home with my words eh!! I see our beloved Jersey cows over here and have to wave and shout alright ma loves eh!!I get fed up with saying I'm not English I'm from Jersey, they all think I am from USA, I love to point out I'm from the channel islands.I get very patriotic about the whole thing.

"DON LE FLU "
NOTHING CHANGES! IN THIS LAND OF CUCKOO. HOWEVER CHRISTMAS IS HERE AND IT IS TIME TO REMEMBER THE REASON FOR THIS SPECIAL OCCASSION. WE ALL ENJOY OURSELVES SO MUCH BUT TEND TO FORGET THE REAL REASON FOR CHRISTMAS."JESUS" LET US NOT FORGET HIM,AFTER ALL HE IS "A BIT SPECIAL" SO IF EVEN FOR ONE MINUTE TRY TO REMEMBER JESUS.

peter le cracked
muvie,muvie! beans means tight!

TUTU RIVE
HELLO M,LUV. I WAS BORN YER IN THE 30,S I AVE SEEN SOME CHANGES OVER YER SINCE I WAS A BOY. I STARTED MY FIRST JOB AS AN ELECTRISHAN,BUT I GOT FIRED CAUSE I BLEW MYSELF UP MUMMY SENT ME TO PINCH AN EGG WHEN THE GERMANS WERE OVER YER.I DID BUT I PINCHED THE CHINA EGG BY MISTAKE.I THREW A STONE THROOUGH A GERMAN OFFICERS WINDOW AN THAT NEARLY ALL GOT US SENT AWAY.THOSE WERE THE DAYS,I USED TO BUY CUKOO CLOCKS RADIOS AN TV,S BUT THEN I GOT BORED AN GIVE THEM AWAY see u a!!!

"THE MAN WAS DESCRIBED."......
HELLO CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS!!! IM ENJOYING MY LIFE. ME AND VAL HI! SUITS YOU SIR NICE SHIRT AND TIE ON THE BEANS INSTEAD OF JEANS!!!

ANDY BELL
JERSEY IN THE WINTER? OH LORD, NOT ANOTHER DREADED WINTER TO LOOK FORWARD TO. ALL THOSE COLDS AND FLU,S. BY THE TIME FEBRUARY ARRIVES YOUR EXAUSTED AND CANT WAIT FOR SPRING LET ALONE SUMMER. IM JUST A GRUMPY OLD BEAN. I NEED A HOLIDAY ON SOLSBURY HILL.

"THOMPSON"
ADRIAN,LE FLU AND ME "HI". I THINK IT,S GREAT WE CAN ALL HAVE OUR SAY,IT,S A BIT DIFFICULT THEESE DAYS TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SO "YEAH" CHEERS BBC. LIBERATION IS ALL OURS SIT BACK "ENJOY" RELAX-brum -bum -bum.

"PHIL SALON"
"OOOH! THE 80,S ARE BACK. IM SO PLEASED,IM FED UP OF ALL THEESE 70,S DISCO,S AND THINGS,IM A "NEW ROMANTIC" AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THE 80,S TO RETURN."BERGERAC AND "SEASIDE SPECIAL" GREAT! I DONT WANT TO BE "BITCHY AND NAFF" BUT THOSE 80,S DAYS WERE BETTER.JUST LOOK AT HOW DEPRESSING IT ALL IS THEESE DAYS OH!

"DON AND THE SCISSOR SISTERS"
HELLO LOVE! CHRISTMAS IS COMING "SEE YOU ALL DOWN AT THE COSMOPOLITAN."KISSES".

"DON LE FLU"
"THANKS FOR ALL THE KIND COMMENTS BOYS!!"IM IN TEARS" "YOUR ALL A BIT "SPECIAL" IM ON HOLIDAY THIS WEEK BUT I WILL BE OPEN AGAIN SOON. "AFTER ALL SUMMER NEVER ENDS AND I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. FINALLY THANKYOU DEAR "BBC" FOR ALLOWING US WHO ARE A BIT DIFFERENT TO EXPRESS OURSELVES LOVE TO YOU ALL!!! YOUR ALL WELCOME LOVE DONxxx

"MAX"
HI IM MAX "GEMINI" I USED TO WORK FOR DON UHHHHH! WE ALL LOVE YOU LE FLU!

"YANNICK FILLTHELOO"
HI DON REMEMBER ME? YOUR ABSOLUTLEY RIGHT DEAR. THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY THERES LOVE,LOVE.

"Luigi Ottelli"
IM AN ITALIAN BEAN. BECAUSE I BEAN HERE SO LONG I PUT BEANS IN MY SPAGETTI!!

"NATALIE" imbean-ear"
IM A BEAN GIRL! IVE BEAN EVERYWHERE ME. IM LIVING IN MY BEDSIT ME THEN I GO DOWN THE PUB FOR 10 PINTS OF LAGER, I THEN COME BACK EAT A POT NOODLE AND READ MY J.E.P. AR YES IM A TRUE JERSEY GIRL ME. "SEE YOU A".

"Helder de silva" "CABARET STAR"
DANCE,M,LOVE WHERE THE MUSIC TAKES YOU,DANCE TILL MY KISSES WAKES YOU!!! "AR YES" GET DOWN AN BOOGIE. SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER "A" IM A LATIN "DIVA" TURNING INTO A "BEAN" BUT WAIT! BEFORE I BECOME A BEAN REMEMBER THIS MUVIES. EVERYBODY SALSA,EVERYBODY SALSA "COME ON!!! BA CRA!

"DON LE FLU"
"OH ADRIAN DEAR! THERE,S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY YOU KNOW. ANYWAY I NEVER NEW YOU WERE MAKING SO MUCH MONEY FROM HAIRDRESSING.LOOKS LIKE IM IN THE WRONG BUISSNESS!!!!!!

"tutu & shirley"
Alright ma cockles. We just come back from dinner"A".TENNERFEST ar yes but it,s too dyer yer you know "why i wished I would ave stayed at home and eaten my Jersey royals "a". I paid 50pee for "ma" royals and ma "martoes" cost me 10pee "A". "WASTE OF MONEY" ten pannes for a meal. "you mayswell eat at home"a" OUTERDATE STEAK 1 PAND, THAT,S ALRIGHT A.

"ADRIAN"
"BUSINESS! THAT,S WHAT I THINK ABOUT!MAKING LOTS OF MONEY,MONEY MONEY. FILLING MY POCKETS TO THE TOP "ARRR-YES" MUSIC TO MY EARS THE SOUND OF CASH. IM ALWAYS "BUSY" SAVING! "OF COURSE YOU GUESSED IT IM A VIRGO,A VIRGO THAT MAKES HIS PANTS OUT OF SHOPPING BAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"elda du silva"
NO WORRIES MATE! TO BEAN OR NOT TO BEAN! THAT IS THE QUESTION!!!!!!!

eddie chilon
HELLO EVERYBODY! IM EDDIE. IM WORKING ALMOST 24 HOURS A DAY TO PUT FOOD IN MY POOR LITTLE KIDS MOUTHS. DO THEY APPRECIATE IT? PROBABLY NOT, I WILL WORK SO HARD BUT NEVER MIND AS THEY SAY IN CHINA "EMPTY POCKET MAKE MAN WORK TILL POCKET FULL!!!!!!!

"klaus kraftverk"
GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL! INTRESTING STUFF ON THIS PAGE I MUST SAY,BUT HOW CAN ANYBODY TURN INTO A BEAN? IN THE FAIRY STORIES THERE ARE MANY TRANSFORMATIONS OF COURSE,FOR EXAMPLE THE FROG TO A PRINCE,THE OLD WOMAN INTO A PRINCESS,BUT A BEAN? WHAT DOES A BEAN TURN INTO IF YOU KISS IT? OR WAS THE BEAN SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE IT WAS A BEAN! ANY IDEA,S!

Jane from Guernsey
I'm not a bean, I'm a donkey, just thought I'd see what all the fuss was about.

"edna noel "a"
HOW MUCH M,LUV? HOW MUCH IS THAT,HOW MUCH IS THIS,HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGY IN THE WINDOW. HOW MUCH? BARR CRAR! TO EXPENSIVE "A" ARR YES A IM A 24 CARAT BEAN M,LUV!!!

James
St Ouenais: Lighten up man, its only having a bit of fun! Its small minded people like yourself that spoil this island.

"B,LOW,M,LUV"
NICE DAY A! BEAN DOWN THE BEACH TODAY A. TOOK THE WARFE DOWN THERE TO KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE SHOPS,SPENDING ALL MY BLOODY MONEY "A". STILL SHE,S WORKING ALL DAY AND PAYING HER HALF. THAT,S THE JERSEY WAY "A" AND THE KEY TO SUCCESFULL MARRIAGE. IM SCARED THOUGH ME!!!!!!! WHAT APPENS WHEN AR DAR? SHE MIGHT GET ALL MY MONEY. I GOT TO MAKE SURE I KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY. GOT TO KEEP MY TRADITION "A"

MR LE SEWER
IM JERSEY,AND I,VE BEEN READING THEESE LETTERS ABOUT beans AND ALL THE FANTASTIC HUMOUR AND THOUGHT THAT HAS GONE INTO THERE CONTENT,NOT DEROGRATORY AT ALL AND IF YOU HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR YOU SHOULD AT LEAST BE ABLE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES. THIS IS NOT INSULTING STUFF JUST VERY ENTERTAINING IF YOUR INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO READ THE THOUGHT THAT HAS GONE INTO SOME OF THEESE LETTERS. THEY ARE A GREAT PARODY OF JERSEY AND IT,S PEOPLE INDEED MY WIFE AN I HAVE BEEN IN STITCHES. WELL DONE BBC. GREAT ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!

St Ouenais
I am amazed that the BBC would allow such offensive stereotyping to be published on its website. Along with many other islanders I find the term “Bean” to be insulting and derogatory. Some of the comments made may sound like poking a bit of fun at the locals, but if I were to call all British men as aggressive xenophobes, or all Portuguese men as lazy chauvinists then I’m I would be accused of racism or discrimination. I am proud to be a Jerseyman, proud of our history, culture and national character. For some ungrateful foreigners to start thinking that they have been here too long because they are earning too much money, starting to pick up an accent or not spend as liberally as they would, then maybe they should just go back to where they came from and stop trying to turn our once beautiful island into a sad imitation of some little English seaside town.

THE BOY WONDER
WHATS APPENIN TO AR ISLAND!! THERE BUILDIN EVERWHERE "A" I FEEL FORIN ME IN MY OWN OME,THAT CARNT BE RART? IM THINKING OF GETTING THE BOAT IN THE MORNING. OFF TO GUERNSEY "A" ON SATDEE AND 50 PENCE BUSS FARES,IM GONNA BE ALRART A.

to chrissie wiss
just call yourself British and bob's your uncle!

flash to david devine
chum, who were these neanderthals that you were referring to? and why were they such a threat to women?

helder de silva
"DO WORRIES! IM TURNING INTO A BEAN A! I,VE GOT MY LIFE AT SPAR AND GREEN ISLAND. WHEN IM BORED I DANCE AROUND THE WITCHES ROCK. WOO,WOO IM IN JERSEY,DANCING DOWN THE STREET IN MY "BIG STAR" JEANS PAST THE COWS MOO MOO PETER STREET!!! ARRR YES A!

""MR LE TUTU""
ALRIGHT MLUV "A" IM TURNING MORE AND MORE BEAN CROCK EVERYDAY ME. YOU KNOW WAAAR? BECAUZ IM MAKING A STAND "A" BOYCOTTON THE GROCERY STORE. IM UPSET ME. YOU KNOW WAAR? COS EVERYTHING,S TO DYER YER" THAT,S WAAR!! I WANT MA LE BRUNS BREAD POTATO,S AN SUPE BACK. IM JERSEY "A" BA-CRA.

Hugh Rinal
No such thing as a bean, we live in a suburb of Glasgow by kind permission of the Bailiff

"MR LE MUCKAW"
Alrart muvie, bean out on an adventure to day"a" I was at and abat down the big part of jersey called the waterfront, I was practising"curtseying" all day sundee just in case i met her mijesty the queen. Unfortunatley i curtseyed and split ma pants,but fortunatly i was wearing my union jack underpants so being patriotic is a good thing"a".I waved to the queen me,im sure she was pleased to ave the privellage to meet me. Never mind"A" she was pleased not to have two dead ducks this time,as she was lucky to be right next door to KFC.

Chrissie Wiss
Can somebody answer me this question. I was born in Jersey and lived there for the first 18 and a half years of my life, until i went to uni where i am now and have lived in Bristol for 2 years. My dad was born in Reading and my mum Winchester in England and the rest of my family are English. My Jersey neighbour tells me i am not a Jerseyman as in am not 3rd generation Jersey. But all the English people here in Bristol tell me that i am not English. What natinality am I or could i call myself?

"b,low m,luv"
"ARR DONT MAKE MUCH SENS "MOMMY SAYS ARM N ALIEN ARR LEFT SKOOL AGE 6,BUT BORSTAL WAS N IDYOUKAYSYHON. ARR JOINED THE ARMY AT 15, BUT BY THE 20TH I WAZ RIJECTTED,"MOMMY" BAWT ME A PUPPY FOR CRISMAS AND I ATE IT WITH BEANZ. ARR bawt"DADDY A MARKCROWAYVE FOR CHRISMAS BUT EEZZ UPSET COS HE CANT GET CHINNEL 4. ARNTIE LE POIDVEIN UP ST QUEON,S IS DOIN ER CRISMAS PUDDIN BAAR CANDLE LART. MR QUERREE,S LOST HIS MEMORY "POOR THING" I SHORT CHANGED HIM OF 4 PENCE AND EEEE FOUND IT AGAIN. BAR M,LOVE AN SEE U "A"

"see you a"
Im a bean me, Well i must be cos i get excited about little things,"ask my warfe" Then i annoy everybody that annoys me,well thats fair"a" I drive a 1977 fiesta, thats good enough for over "yer" it takes me from a to b"A".Then i go down to the FARMERS INN and talk about my vergees & vegtables but i dont drink to much me cos arm scared of the police & local sent in yer! Im afraid of sent in yers,i would be of vent in yers if i knew what they were!!!!!!!

curly
You know you're a bean when at a Christmas party there's two or three women wearing the same outfit because of the lack of choice in Jersey

Sudafed
you know you're a bean when your visitors arrive and you feel guilty because the weather's crap. Stop apologising - it's not our fault!

"BOND"
Hello Ladies, The name,s Bond m,love. Jerzz Bond,when you see me down King street with my Colgate smile and wide a wake wit stop a while and discover that all men are not the same."Ladies the days of cavelrey are back in town."So look out ladies small car big personality!!! need i say more im sure you know me, bye cri.

JERSEY BOY M,LUV
"MAH MUMMY WANTS ME TO GET MARRIED "A" BUT I TOLD HER IT,S TO DYER,IM ONLY 73,AND ARVE GOT MAH HOLE LARFE IN FRONT OF ME. IM GOING DOWN TO ROZEL NAH TO CHECK MAH TROT AND SHOW MAH ORMERS TO THE YOUNG LADIES."IM FED UP ME" ALL DAY AHVE BEEN LOOKING AT MAH COCKLES AN EGGZAMNIN MAH WINKLES, THEY ARE NOT LARKE WHEN AR WAS A BOY. WELL AH GOTTA GO DAWN MAH LOCAL SHOP TO BAH MY OUT OF DATE FOOD "a" AH GOTTA BUY ALF A SLARCE OF CONGER TO MAKE SUPE COS THE BOY DE GRUCHY,S COMIN RARND. WELL ARM GOIN DANN THE PIER TO WATCH THE MAIL BOAT COME IN AN THINK OF THE STATES OF OUR ISLAND "shankers" THAT REMANDS ME WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THE STATES OF JERSEY? PUT THEM ON THE BOAT IN THE MORNING"A" SEE YOU A! BAH CRA.

"AR YES A"
WHAY U DOIN YER, WHERE JOO WERK, HOW MUCH IS THAT M,LUV.2O PENCE "A". BAA ONE GET ONE FREE IM TURNING JERSEY M,LUV JUS LARKE MY DED THE BOY RIVE,THAT,S A GOOD OLD JERSEY NAME "A" NOT FORGETTIN LE SEWER!

david devine
You know when your a bean when your glad that the dear polish are taking the jobs that the neanderthals used to do and thank god that hopefully the women can walk the streets safely at night again.We are in our own lovely Island with no chips on our shoulders, the man was described as a bean, quite well off thankyou with a beautiful wife, car, house, no red cars XR3,s wide wheels or spotlights, big exhausts or turbo stickers you cheap people. Dont get mad get even, dont be angry if your eighty before you have anything, we were born with it and you were not HA HA!!!

spud
you know you have become a bean when you start sprouting

Cuckoo
You know you are a Bean when you are proud to say you are from Jersey but in the same breath apologise for the useless government, overspending of our taxes, contracts which are always over budget ... the list is endless. I am proud to be a Bean - but not proud of what Jersey has become.

Lucy
You are a bean when you think that a trip from Gorey to St Brelade is a long way! And that any journey of more than a mile is a long one!

beanie
are there any beans left ma luv? i haven't met one for months, me

Christopher Denton
"Why is a Jerseyman happy when he sees a red sky at night?"- "Because he thinks Guernsey is on fire!"

Ross
You know you're a bean when you moan about how limited everything is whilst in Jersey, but can't wait to get back when you're in the UK.

had to leave - claustrophobia set in at age 18
The very definition of Bean-ness is thinking up the most pretentious and/or ridiculous name to call your child, you know, something a bit different that no-one else has thought of, and then advertise it proudly in the paper - see JEP for prime examples...Georgia spelt Jorja,Oakley (named after the sunnies I presume, Bronson,Asia, I could go on forever. PLEASE PEOPLE, THINK OF YOUR CHILD's MENTAL HEALTH..They will go through hell at School!

May
I would just like to say that if you are a Jersey person you are not a bean, you're a crappo, named after the Jersey toad.

HUMAN BEAN
I am a human BEAN and maybe I am hiding in JERSEY.

Frank
You know you are a bean, when you return from university and try your best to convince everyone that you are now a scouser or a londoner, pipe on about hating the place so much yet still benefit from its student grants.

Mr De Gruchy-masitre-hulibeck
Do you find that a quick visit to town always turns into one huge gossip session? When you walk down Queen Street not able to stop saying "Hi, how's the family?", you know you are a bean!

MARY
YOU KEEP COMING BACK CAUSE OTHER COUNTRIES ARE WAY TOO BIG TO ADAPT TO

Henk Van de Velde
I think that you become a bean you you support France and not England in football, despite Jersey passports telling you that you are British. Being a Dutchman myself, I guess that I have to remain neutral on this issue.

wojciech wladyslawski
Hello. You know that you have become a bean when you accidentally add baked beans instead of onions into your "bortsch"...

manuel da silva
hello very much! i love so much jers, i very much working for ma boss mate! i make plenty dosh mate, then i buy house in madeira twenty time big as crap flat in jersey. we work very hard mate but we can afford to buy one house for me, but you beans cannot afford to live in your own island. ha ha . who nows bloke, maye i buy a STAN MATIN CAR DB9 TURBO SIX POINT LIT, VERY QUICK!!!!

hedley le maistre
you know you're a bean if you hand back guernsey pound notes at the shop ,la!

Andrew
I must be a bean now - I've forgoten what to do at roundabouts and just can't work out what the strange stick on my stearing column does ?!?!

John Ouaisne
I knew I was a Bean when no matter how hard I tried to stuff my hands into my pockts - I couldn't reach the money at the bottom!

To Mr Spudski?
having made SO much money from farming subsidies that you now build houses and make money from the housing market - THAT makes you a Bean!

anton
when you describe to the old tourists that visit jersey is wonderful without any heroin, housing, youth, cocaine, travelling, traffic, cost of living,bent coppers pathetic old school (in for themselves) politicians who only deal with external contractors which will help their own companies who decide DANDARA is the best building construction company out there.

Paul
You know when you are a bean when you use the internet at work to save money to write this. We are all tight ar$e$.

scott
I'm not a bean, never will be but the traits are there. Moaning at the ridiculous prices that we pay for everything when services, food and goods aren't comparable to other places for quality.

flash
If you see a young child running into a flock of pigeons in the square(who inevitably fly off)and, rather than giggle at the whole scene, you reprimand the child( as many hags do), then you know that you've become a bean...

John
When you start thinking that parking rights for States members is a serious political quagmire!

Chris
You know your a bean when you wake-up one day in Singapore and realise that you are in a much better place with a better job and have absolutely no desire to go back to Jersey.

To Farmer Giles?
Are your agricultural slaves slavic serfs - we have lots here in east kent

Mycoll Spelling
You know you are a Bean when you have to look at the label in your Y-fronts to make sure you spell 'Michael' correctly.

Mr Spudski
I want the tax payer to fund the feasibility study to my business idea to turn old spuds into Vodka so I can sell it and make money for myself. Does that make me a Bean?

Harry Snappers
You know you are a Bean when you don't like kids having fun any more, no loud music, no skateboarding or other childish things, expect the next door neighbour to have a smokless barbque, complain about people looking into your windows, expect dogs to bark quietly, never do anything and expect everyone else to be the same!

Farmer Giles
I bring in slave labour each year to 'plont' ma earlies - get a huge grant from the States to pay the cost - then get surprised each year that I can't make any money from selling them - never mind I'll go out on my Gin-Palace and moan about it!

Martin
I used to read the FT and Telegraph, and follow world events closely - now I read the JEP and worry about price of fish - am I a bean?

Nicky
Living 1 mile from the office - but drive every day ( even though it takes half an hour) and then complain about the congestion and the price of parking - been here for 6 years - but starting to sprout beanish tendencies.

Hazel
sitting in a school in a class of 36 - and you're related to most of them!

Anthony
500 Pages in the phone book - but only 40 surnames in it, and look like your cousins

John Hodge
Born 'Ere 'Ave Narrow mind

simmo
when you drive a 200Mph £100K+ car and all you do with it is getting stuck in traffic !!!

Nigel
When you become short sighted, and narrow minded - that's when you know you are a bean - Grumpy old Men (and) Grumpy old women types - but at the age of 35!

Robert
Spending all your time going on about the 'good old days - when things where better' - the'y are the trade marks of beans

Maria
When you drive a huge 4x4 to "cope with the hills on Jersey"

malarky
you know ya a bean, ma love!when you can drive a 1982 polo rust-wagon at 50mph! down a 6ft wide,15mph road!with MOT!

Frank
I drive at 30mph EVERYWHERE and at all times whether its safe or not - That must qualify me

Claire
Flash clothes, flash car, expensive holidays, big credit card bill - and can never afford my tax bill - I'm a bean all right

Tony
I'm definately a bean - I ask my friends to keep copies of the JEP for me when I'm on holiday ( and read them when I get back) sad I know!

Rita
Born and raised in Jersey - but don't think I've made bean status yet - I still count my blessings that I live in Jersey - I worked in London for two years but the property prices were the same - and I had a 90 minute journey into work - give me Jersey anytime

Martin Corny
I tend to agre with Dave - Jersey is a great place - but filled with moaners - House prices have doubled in most of the UK in the last 2 years - 1 bedroom flat in London £300k - salary £35k tax 40% - Jersey is cheaper than most cities - I should know I've just moved - Ellie is 3 years behind the times

Ellie
No your just Dave Roberts. The cost of living is higher is jersey, accommodation is on average smaller than in the UK, the weather is hardly any different from the South of England (better weather is mostly a myth created by the tourism board), transport links are crap and job prospects are getting worse all the time? Am I silly Dave? No just a realist and a bean.

Susie
I've started wearing a fur coat (but no knickers)

Tracy
I have a fake tan all year and wear sunglasses indoors, at night,and on dark days - must be a bean now

David Roberts
I moan about the cost of housing (even though the UK is more expensive) I moan about congestion ( even though the UK is worse) I moan about tax ( even though the UK pays twice as much. I moan about the weather - even though its much better here - in fact I spend my time moaning - I must be becoming a bean!

Bob
I recently listen to a States members debate and thought that at least one of them made some sense - now I know I've been here too long!

Mike
every time I buy anything from a shop I automatically say (loadly) "how much ? "

Richard Watkins
I don't use my windscreem wipers to save them wearing out - and when a tail light fails I wait for the other one to go before replacing them ( A pair is cheaper) - think I've been here too long!

Jersey Dave de la Cour
I am a Bean born and bred and I knew I had been in Jersey too long when I found that my current location is still preferable to me. I am in Belize Central America and not having £20k car, £500k house, £55k job, user pays tax, the States of Jersey, the Waterfront development, the cleanest outfall water in the world, the highest ratio of public servants per head of population etc really doesn't make me want to go back!

Michael
You know you're a Bean when you haven't realized that tourists no longer visit Jersey and that the finance industry is finished.