The Plot to Invade England

This story was submitted to the People’s War site by Katherine Wood of the ‘Action Desk — Sheffield’ Team on behalf of Fred Willoughby, and has been added to the site with the author’s permission. The author fully understands the site's terms and conditions.

The Plot to Invade England

In Reichstag one day just a bit since,
Two fellers sat, both looking glum,
One was the great Adolph Hitler,
And the other was Old Goring his chum.

“Now Adolph”, Old Goring was saying,
“It’s about time tha made a move,
Tha promised us tha’d invade England,
Our power to finally prove”.

“I’ve cleared way wi mi Luftwaffe,
We’ve brought R.A.F. down to ground,
And for each one plane we’ve lost seven,
Or do I mean tother way round”.

“Well on watter there’s nowt to stop thee,
Tha gaffer on sea knows that,
So what in the world are tha waiting for,
Invade em I want a new hat”.

Poor old Adolph, he looked mournful,
His moustache it drooped on his lip,
His sleek lock of hair was bedraggled,
You could tell the poor chap had the pip.

He pondered just for a few moments,
Then opening his mouth with a sigh he said,
“It’s alright thee talking,
But invasion I don’t think I’ll try”.

“Well tha’s done it before”, protested Goring,
“It’s as easy as easy can be,
Tha’s done it on all other countries,
I can’t think what’s come over thee”.

“Tha’s only to take same procedure,
Drop parachute troops in back yards”,
“Ah and that’s where tha wrong”, said Adolph,
“Tha forgetting one thing, Home Guards”.

At first Old Goring looked puzzled,
Then taking his coat by the hem,
He burst out laughing loudly and said,
“Don’t tell me tha frightened of them”.

“They’re only a Fred Karno Army,
They only join up if they please,
They’re knock need, bowlegged and bandy,
And whiskers right down to their knees”.

“There’s tall ‘uns and shortens, fattuns and thinnuns,
And chaps without hair,
Some’s got gout that’s besides floating kidneys,
And some’s got no breath to spare”.

“Ah but its alright thee laughing”, said Adolph,
“But they’ve got rifles and machine guns as well,
And between me, thee and the lamp post,
They’d like to blow us all to hell”.

“And them old ‘uns can still use a rifle,
And in past wars they’ve won many psalms,
Why the medals that some are wearing,
Fill their chest and go under their arms”.

“And there’s just another thing to consider,
And that’s the reason for most of mi fears,
There’s nearly two million of em,
And every ruddy one volunteers”.

“And if some are a bit weezy,
And other’s walk with a stick,
The more ‘John Bull’ appears crippled,
The harder the fool seems to kick”.

Pr-BR

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