 Spark up a fag on the pavement, er sorry, sidewalk and you could get arrested. | | Zog Ziegler |
Twenty five per cent of the blue stuff that oozes up and down my arteries is American. This fact doesn't exactly make my heart burst with pride; it just facilitates matters when I have the odd pop at our cousins across the Herring Pond. Brutally frank Let me be brutally frank here - they are a large (in so many ways) and easy target out there in God's Own Country. They are also a mass of contradictions. Spark up a fag on the pavement, ER sorry, sidewalk and you could get arrested. (I should make it clear that by 'spark up a fag' I mean light a cigarette, not combust a homosexual, which could well be legal in some states for all I know.) When taking a picnic in one of those great big national parks the size of England, don't even think about washing your repast down with a nice glass of Pouilly Fumée - drinking in out-door public areas is strictly forbidden. Land of the Free, my butt! It's mad, bad health fascism. And now for all the contradictions. Filthy fatty toxins Well, we've all seen what and how they eat. Filthy fatty toxins that they now export globally; thanks a bunch. | For Mr. And Mrs. US Lardbucket and their rhino proportioned loin fruit, these large apertures are an absolute essential. | | Zog Ziegler |
The result of not smoking on the sidewalk, banishing wine at picnics and eating excrement with dill pickles and, ahem, freedom fries has turned a once proud nation into a populace of obese lardarsses, whose every other whim is catered for including, seemingly, their cars, which are mostly crap. Exceptions There are, of course, exceptions. Take the subject of this featurette, the really rather fine and well-appointed Chrysler Grand Voyager CRD. First off, Uncle Sam does without the Mercedes sourced diesel engine - that apart, on the fitment front, what we get, they get, including labour saving, electric remotely controlled sliding rear doors and self-raising tailgate. For us svelte and comparatively fit Europeans, these features are a bit of fun, a frivolous luxury even. Loin fruit For Mr. And Mrs. US Lardbucket and their rhino proportioned loin fruit, these large apertures are an absolute essential, helping to keep the perma-sweat in droplet form as opposed to cascades.
Chrysler folk pamper their punters in this Voyager. Well hell, you gotta protect yer comfort zone. Getting' in an' out jes fer the kids messes with that God given right to slothfulness.
Direct electronic injection The 2.5 litre four cylinder common rail diesel, with direct electronic injection hauls this LWB Voyager along with commendable vim and vigour. It readily outgrunts both the 2.4 4-pot petrol engine and the 3.3 V6, which, unlike the other two in the pack comes with automatic (4speed) only. | The driving experience is unlikely to change the profile of a chap's boxer shorts, but that is to miss the point. | | Zog Ziegler |
The smaller petrol version and the CRD have 5 speed manuals over here. The diesel out-accelerates and out-maxes its petroleum fed cousins. Oh yes, another reason to be cheerful, the diesels combined cycle produces some 33 MPG, at least a third more efficient. For once I can see no point in considering either of the petrol options. Boxer shorts The driving experience is unlikely to change the profile of a chap's boxer shorts, but that is to miss the point. Driver plus six can merrily munch continental miles, cosseted, comfy and secure - a most efficient air-conditioning system will guard against unsightly moist patches also. The last Voyager fared none too well in Euro-NCAP crash tests, something that has been addressed here, thankfully. There is a wide range of people carriers to choose from, yet in spite of my tongue-in-cheek Uncle Sam rantings, the Voyager could well be my MPV of choice, were I to put on my sensible hat - but a man who ordered a Morgan Aero 8 probably lost his sensible hat years ago
Privacy glass In Chrysler speak, Limited means loads of kit - like leather, air, sounds, trip computer et al. With XS tucked onto the boot lid sobriquet expect sat nav, DVD and, erm, privacy glass - all but the screen and front door glass blacked out. Oh, and the best news of all - that awful Blair's got rid of his, so you can all feel more comfortable owning one, I hope. Article by Zog Ziegler This article contains user-generated content (ie external contribution) expressing a personal opinion, not the views of BBC Gloucestershire. 
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