Your bat feels like a pipe-cleaner, the ball looks as small as a marble and scoring runs is like finding happy hour in a desert.
Masters of their craft in recent times, England’s batsmen resembled hapless amateurs in the first Test against Pakistan in Dubai.
Bamboozled by the variations of off-spinner Saeed Ajmal, the top six made just 143 runs between them in two innings as England were skittled for 192 and 160 in a chastening 10-wicket defeat.
With the second Test in Abu Dhabi starting on Wednesday, England have precious little time to put things right and justify their position as the world’s top-ranked side.
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Having grimaced through the era of Tim Munton and Martin McCague, Ian Salisbury and Peter Such, I have to pinch myself from time to time.
How did England's bowling attack, for so long the preserve of journeyman seamers and spinners unworthy of applying Shane Warne's hair lacquer, become the envy of world cricket?
In the past an injury to a key bowler would have severely dented England's chances, but when Tim Bresnan's troublesome elbow forced him into depart Dubai before the Test series against Pakistan began, selectors were able to call on Graham Onions, a more than handy fast bowler who was sharing new-ball duties with James Anderson before he suffered a career-threatening back injury two years ago.
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