Mild Tremors
It's been around 2 months, several early starts and countless cups of coffee since Russell departed from these shores to venture forth into movieland. I must admit that since he's been gone, I've actually started to miss the crazy guy! Now don't you go telling him this or else his head will start inflating to dangerous proportions. This may cause a serious seismic disturbance which could even affect the Earth's gravitational field (definitely an environmental no-no). But seriously, sometimes I might be walking down a certain street and suddenly think of a Brand anecdote and then it hits me, "Wow! he's been gone for quite a while now hasn't he?"
Last Sunday, I found myself outside of a little pub in Chalk Farm (North London) called "The Enterprise". I casually glanced at a tiny upstairs room above the main bar and I quickly did a double-take: "Hey! Me and Russell used to do shows here ages ago!". I laughed to myself as I recalled that on one particular night the audience was bare (not naked.....sadly.....just a low turnout in numbers) with only about 10 people in attendance. We still put on a good show but afterwards Russell was in a sullen contemplative mood.
"Gee?" he exclaimed "Do you realise that while we've been here performing some great material to this miniscule crowd, David Blaine has been sitting up in a box by the river Thames doing nothing in front of hundreds?"
"Yeah," I replied, "The audience was kinda slim tonight, still it wasn't that bad. Good thing that your mum and her friends turned up though...."
"Hmmmmm" sighed Russell.
It wasn't long before he started energetically planning some other hair-brained concept for the next show. The exact details now escape me, it was probably involved a giant snail racing contest or a lecture on the dangers of Terminator 2! Still, being outside the old stomping grounds did make me get a little nostalgic. That's when it hit me, "Wow! he's been gone for quite a while now hasn't he?". At that precise moment, there was a mild tremor and I felt the earth shift ever-so-slightly, "Uh Oh," I thought, "The ego has awoken!"
The Quest for Number One
If I happened to claim that just over the rainbow...
.....was a fabled place called "somewhere",
Would you glance at me strangely? Or allow me to explain though...
.....how you too could be enabled to come here.
It lies amidst the littered crisps and newpaper clips in a scrapbook,
Consists of impressive gifts, a bikini kiss...
...while a "dirty" vest with a twist is more Matt's look!
Come take a walk with me to explore bags without beans,
Or balls within bags for a Brand-sack shag scene
Captain Caveman screams "Give her a sheet" in case exchanging the corn gets too painful,
So join the patrol as Russ, Matt and Noel search for Radio Gold, somewhere over the rainbow!
ive got giant snails!!
i dont carry them around with me though.....
love you geeeeeeeeee
xxxxxxx
nice to get nostalgic
Yeah Gee, he has been gone for too long, and I promise not to tell either. Global warming is bad enough we dont need to start playing with the earth's gravitaional pull.
Recently my friend Kara and I have made contact with an old friend. Kara used to go out with him years ago.
Last time she saw him he was wearing v casual tracky pants.
He was asking K to send him saucy photos of herself,which was a bit of a cheek really I guess, but when she,d ad a few the other day, she sent im one.
On er new dog n bone- apparently, theres a thing where u can enhance piccies.so she said she sent one that made er Babylons look like they were out v a wonderbra advert.
I sed they looked like that anyway, but she sed I,d av laughed at the enhancement.
So when she met im to go out for a walk, yesterday, e ad on all desighner trousers, nice stylish shades an cap, and had doused imself in aftershave.
Mat Morgan told me that e wanted to change is name to Skrat Biorjgson. I sed it was a bit of licence to take the name of the lovable little squirrel from Ice Age!
Mat tried to persuade me, by saying that he admired the little fella, wanting to pay homage to his tireless and amusing attempts at keeping his acorn safe.
The wanabee owner of this more unusual choice of a namesake was so emphatic.
In fact,I felt a little threatened,although I was bieng very attentive and interested. I've always laughed at his brilliant, surreal take on things and have found them inspiring.
Remaining sceptical, I did agree in the end, that little Scrat would go down in history as an icon that held up the endevour to just keep on trying against all odds....AMAZING!
Mat wanted to tell me why he had chosen to change his family name as well.
I cant say I wasn't intreagued, after all its not everyday you hear of people almost completely changing their identity.
Well, it turned out that he had always, secretly harboured the desire to feel some solidariy wit the great tennis player, Biojrn Borg!
He then expressed his deep rooted ambition of always wanting to connect with this ground breaking seventies scandinavian figure of durability. Although he was only a boy at the time, the outstanding surprise that Biojrn kept coming to England and winning the most hailed of British institutions , Wimbledon, and thrashing all of his opponents, year after year was just such a marvel.
Mat has revered the tennis player from afar all through his childhood, hearing about the blond bomshells ability to look so casual and effortless amidst all of his triumph.
He had modelled his hair in this retro style, careful to observe small details like the colours of the sweat band. Mat hopes that by parading around in the carefully copied sportsgear worn by his hero, he be able to recieve sponsorship from a well known label like Nike or Adidas. When he said that he was thinking of having some work done on his hips and thighs to emulate the sportsman, I had to stop him and say that, in my opinion he had gone to far.
The show was great last night!
What a scream. I was chucklin to meself. You are a laugh! Mat Morgan you are an absolute hoot!
The idea of you both dressing up as babies, to do a documentary made me laugh. Mat gettin board and textin, while our Russ went the whole hog and ad all the treatments,peggs, hot wax......Yeuck!
What a tedoo! You are a cuppla muffins!
That bookywooks gunna be a sensation when it arrives on the shelves of ASDA
We will be privvy to all of Morgeys deep secrets, that e as tried to keep under is belt for so long. .He has liked to see himself as a quiet sort of chap with a moderate lifestyle not too out of the ordinary, but soon that preconseption will be blasted away, People will be flocking to all of the book sighnings to ask Russell questions about Mat to get a real feel for the man behind the mask of the enigmatic Mat Morgey. I av it on gud authority that Russell as bin careful not too miss out any of the captivating details of the couples wild adventures together, readers are assured that they will be in in way disappointed with laying out money for this cleverly written yarn.
As soon as someone tells me something secret, the horns start to emerge from my head, and I feel compelled to draw my hidden trumpet, that I always keep on me,its a bit more of a megaphone really,or tanoid.
"OH, I say your secrets safe with me, I never talk to them anyway", and I vigorously shake my head with an indignant, furrowed brow of self rightiousness.
Hale and Pace once did a brilliant scetch, where businessmen were in a restaurant, and shouting, "Hey! How are you, great to see you!"
Then turning to their mate, and saying, "What a Bastard, I cant stand that guy, he,s such a w*nker!"
It was so funny and epitimised what we,re like.
That was so funny when you played driving ome fer Chrimbo. I thaught it just showed Russells crazy side.
Mat was back to is ald self, I was missing is funny old ladies voice, the one that said, "just put another bar on the electric fire then, go on." Thats such a crazy little charecter.
When Russell gets home to is old gaff in Campden e wont believe is eyes. The interior desighner took is 2 undred grand and as turned the pad into a delightful replica of Tellytubbyland!
What an innovation.
They seem to av thought of everything, starting with a a mobile disposal unit that can tackle even the tiniest of crumbs,,theres even a friendly little robot, NooNoo that will come an hoover them up. Making a cute , irrisestible sucking noise.
Linda was not at all appy about the prospect of losing that one of er responsibilities, and as taken to throwing tubby custard around the place, and timing the friendly little machine to see ow fast it clears up.
One advantage for Russell will be that when e gets peckish e will be able to av some vegan Tubbytoast, wit a smiley face on it, to cheer im up.
The desighners av installed a niffty lil device that Russell will find most welcome. It is a light activated alarm that shouts, "Time for Tubby Bye Byes" at sunset. I,m sure Russell be very comforted, by all of this consideration. It is a token of eseem, while Russell was away people wanted to show him how much they appreciate him and how much he was missed.
Hey Russell, it will be good to av yer back,mate!
I actually love you guys! I ope that loadsa people come and welk Rusky at Eathrow, for is omecummin.
I also ope that Ruskey will come and seek out all is lady admirers and comes an takes em out fer a candlelit dinner. Or back to is Mums fer a game of monopoly, and a cuppa tea an bickies.
All our love an kisseys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
HARRY RAMSDENS!
Hi Guys, the show was a great 1. Good to have the whole team back together again.
I were tinkin, dat now Russ,s place is a newly dun up, MTV would love to feature him in CRIBZ! Hey Wadya think?
That erotic lil cover of When I,m 64 has
put Russell into the diva category, it were very smokey an put me in mind of a scene in Casablanka, wit Old Dirkey an wasser face.
You can imagine , while Bogey is sayin " Heres lookin at you kid," through the haze of cigareet smoke; a swarthy smoulderin, heavily eyelinered Russkinga, draped over the piano, in a seductive off the shoulder number,hair provocatively covering one eye bending over to expose rather alot of is ample cleavage...." Will you still lurve me......"
I think that panick button is a very resourseful idea.
Who else wud think to av one installed. You cud ave one put in next to it wit number regognition dials streight to ya favorite takaways.
Harrods an Mason an Pearson deliver! They are sure to put Russ on the top of the list of priority celebrities and are sure to do a fine line in, " This is no ordinary food, this is specially selected food, that has envolved no harm whatsoever to animals" Vegan stylee.
I,m lookin forward to Russell catchin up on is sleep gettin rid of is jet lag and reaclimatising to British time.
Then the real fun will begin, there,ll be no holdin our turbo guy back. It will be back to the old heady craziness that is Russell Brand.
I do hope I,m not treating him like a performing monkey, thats not the intention at all.
I heard the other day that Toby Maguire, was eating Double decker, lushious bacon and 100%, rare steak beef burgers, to keep is strength up while filming Spiderman three. I was surprised to find this information out, I had trusted him when he purported to be a vegitarian, it just goes to show, you never really know who you,re dealing with.
Hi Guys, the show was a great 1. Good to have the whole team back together again.
I were tinkin, dat now Russ,s place is a newly dun up, MTV would love to feature him in CRIBZ! Hey Wadya think?
That erotic lil cover of When I,m 64 has
put Russell into the diva category, it were very smokey an put me in mind of a scene in Casablanka, wit Old Dirkey an wasser face.
You can imagine , while Bogey is sayin " Heres lookin at you kid," through the haze of cigareet smoke; a swarthy smoulderin, heavily eyelinered Russkinga, draped over the piano, in a seductive off the shoulder number,hair provocatively covering one eye bending over to expose rather alot of is ample cleavage...." Will you still lurve me......"
I think that panick button is a very resourseful idea.
Who else wud think to av one installed. You cud ave one put in next to it wit number regognition dials streight to ya favorite takaways.
Harrods an Mason an Pearson deliver! They are sure to put Russ on the top of the list of priority celebrities and are sure to do a fine line in, " This is no ordinary food, this is specially selected food, that has envolved no harm whatsoever to animals" Vegan stylee.
I,m lookin forward to Russell catchin up on is sleep gettin rid of is jet lag and reaclimatising to British time.
Then the real fun will begin, there,ll be no holdin our turbo guy back. It will be back to the old heady craziness that is Russell Brand.
I do hope I,m not treating him like a performing monkey, thats not the intention at all.
I heard the other day that Toby Maguire, was eating Double decker, lushious bacon and 100%, rare steak beef burgers, to keep is strength up while filming Spiderman three. I was surprised to find this information out, I had trusted him when he purported to be a vegitarian, it just goes to show, you never really know who you,re dealing with.
Hello Hello Hello, bowiys!
Lookin forward to show Sat night.
We wanted to tell you that we are appalled at the TV show, the F word.
The animals being killed, abused and generally comodofied on TV for public view, is wholly unacceptable, wrong and a disgrace to the animal kingdom.
These living creatures have become the means to a gastronomic commodity and in such a process are exploited,.
Giving off the impression that it is nesesary to de sensatise ourselves to the death and discomfort of the living creatures in order to enjoy a better dish!
We dont respect what is provided by our world for us to eat. In more spiritually aware cultures, like the ones the west has attempted to kill off, animals are given thanks for.
They are blessed and treated with respect.
MMMM, not good
Hi Guys!
I dont know where this week has gone!
Hows it going in LA?
Arnold Schwartzernegger went to meet Tony Blaire the other day. Now we have a new PM, the right honerable gentleman Gordy Brown. Will this bring in the new era of social tolerance?
Doubt it, but its always a good time to launch a revolution when a new era begins.
Next at the weekend it is the Dianna tribute concert.
What a day that was when she died.
Those little boys were so loved by their mum. They were cut off from her at such a tender age. I hope this country takes care of those boys. Its our duty.
I will never forget how, the flowers were bieng flung over here hearse as it drove through London. It was so moving, and I think on that day the whole country cried.
You guys were about 21, when she died, now the boys are around that age.
Are you both going to do the show from LA on Saturday? That will be really exciting.
The weather here is still in a state of miserable.
Looking forward to the show.
I really hope the concert for Dianna goes well tommorrow, and it captures her spirit. I know it will be a really moving occasion. I hope the boys, Wills and Harry have a wonderful time. That its a time of healing for them and coming to terms with losing Dianna.
Watching them interviewed by Fern Cotton yesterday was good. I was amazed at how HARRY IS LIKE CHARLES IN HIS CHARECTERISTICS. IT MADE ME VERY ANGRY WITH THE WORLD OF MEDIA AND SPOOF FOR ISOLATING HIM AND MAKING QUIPPS ABOUT HIS HERITAGE. THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED, HE IS CLEARLY A WINDSOR,son of Charles.
Dianna should be very proud of her babies, they have grown up into two handsom charming young men.
They seem to have picked up Diannas compassion, love of life and sweetness.
I wish this would be a chance for them to shine in everything Dianna instilled into them. I really hope that the media do not rip them to shreds over the next decade. They are national treasures.
It was at the hands of the crazy blood lust of the press that she fell. Her life was so bitter sweet.
Spurned for another , she fought on through bolemia and partial nervous breakdowns to overcome. Reflecting love in the broken hearted she sought out to comfort.
One thing I think that was amazing was that Dianna died within the same week as Mother Therasa. If Mother Theresas death had happened on its own, the whole world would have gone into mourning for her. The two of them had previously met in the home for the dying in Calcutta and hit it off. Theresa gave Dianna hope and encouraged her to give her life to the poor and unloved. She became a strong figure of hope in Diannas life. As they died around the same time. Mother Theresa would have got the sort of sendoff she would have wanted. Her passing was completely swallowed up into the worldwide shock and grief of losing Dianna. So as in her life, she was able to go without a fuss and almost unnoticed.
It was a beautiful and meaningful coincidence.
When I sat crying watching the funeral march, my son was a babe in arms,and in my mind I felt echos of Dianna saying "take care of this little one, they are very precious".
If she were alive today she would be able to look on as Harry and William develop. She would be able to laugh and cry and look meaningfully into their eyes giving them strength.
They are very brave boys,they deserve to be given a chance. They deserve to be judged with compassion.
It was torturously painfull watching them walk behind their mothers cortege, in full view of the world as they publicly grieved. Such things are awful even in the presence of friends and relatives.
The horrors must be allowed to heal.
William and Harry should not be treated as fair game, ever. They wont let the country down.
Let them enjoy their lives now, they are our children,so we should be happy for them, angry for them and sad for them.