Archives for October 23, 2011 - October 29, 2011

Snippets from the week's news, sliced, diced and processed for your convenience.

1. The Staffordshire town of Burton upon Trent now has its own perfume, Eau de Burton, with hints of marmite and Branston Pickle
More details (Burton Mail)

2. Rival rugby teams face a fine if they stray over the half-way line while the All Blacks perform the haka
More details (The Telegraph)

3. The Sealyham terrier - once a must have for the well-heeled dog owner - is on the brink of extinction
More details (Daily Mail)

4. Strawberries could protect the stomach from the effects of alcohol
More details (The Huffington Post)

5. Coldplay tried hypnosis while recording new album
More details

6. The forces involved when a woodpecker drills at a tree are up to 1,000 times stronger than gravity
More details

7. Two-thirds of 16 to 24-year-olds rely on energy drinks to keep them going
More details (Metro)

8. Large dinosaurs embarked on epic migration journeys when food and water ran out
More details (The Guardian)

9. Bat sightings along UK waterways are rising steeply.
More details

10. The price of a cup of tea could rise by as much as 7% next year, because of the Kenyan drought and increased global consumption.
More details (The Telegraph)

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Re: the 7 days quiz. What Australian gift caused confusion for Prince Philip? By all accounts, it doesn't take much to cause confusion for Prince Philip!
Tom McGrathBBC News Magazine

Something tells me this TV show will not be quite as popular as Dancing with the Stars.
David Richerby, Liverpool, UK

Paul (Thursday's letters">Thursday's letters) and Sharon (Wednesday's letters), and what about the girl on TV who advertises "chocclitt" for a well known swiss chocOlate makers? Not to mention the now almost universal mispronunciation of harassed as "harASSed" rather than "HARassed"? (Blame Michael Crawford for that)? I'll get my jacket - or should that be jackETTE?
Paul Morris, Cheriton Fitzpaine, Devon

Ian (Thursday's letters), what a lightweight you are! A proper breakfast is Corn Flakes (gold top milk); pancakes (with syrup and/or lemon/sugar), waffles, boiled eggs with soldiers (or "peacekeepers" if you're a pacifist); kedgeree; sausage (Lincolnshire and Cumberland), back and streaky bacon (smoked and unsmoked), gammon steak, devilled kidneys, fried black pudding, fried mushrooms, grilled tomatoes, hash browns (or potato rosti), fried eggs (sunny side up), baked beans, fried bread; with tea and orange juice (counts towards your five a day); then brown and white toast with a selection of jams and marmalades; croissant, pain au chocolat, hams, a selection of cheeses, a basket of fruit, crispbreads, french toasts with chocolate spread, and poptarts. If you get hungry between this and elevenses, a large pack of pork scratchings and a chocolate bar should see you through.
James Rigby

Ian (Thursday's letters), Hot chocolate clearly not a breakfast drink, I am astonished that there is no mention of tea!!
Mel, London

Just a reminder to everyone that the clocks go back this weekend meaning it is officially the end of summer. You need to put away the muesli, stop with the salads and pack the short pyjamas into the loft, and break out the porridge oats, soups and long pyjamas. I'll put away my summer jacket and get my duffel coat.
Basil Long, Nottingham

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

He went on to explain "I know I will die in prison but I lived the last twenty years of my life in fear. Now I have no fear because I have no control of my own life."

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Winning entries in the Caption Competition.

The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here [PDF].

This week it was the Queen meeting nurses as she officially opened the new Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne on her 16th official visit to Australia.

Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:

6. leroylampa:
Royal visit fiasco as one red sock contaminates hospital laundry.

5. presto_west_end:
At first glance, Her Majesty did like the hospital, but she couldn't tell whether she was just looking through rose-tinted spectacles.

4. Pendragon:
Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but you forget I have the Tower...

3. MuteJoe:
And do you wear blue if it's a boy?

2. Raven Clare:
So a copy of one's dress has already hit the High Street shops.

1. Floribelle:
No, they said compliment her, not complement her!

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

There are many sentiments Paper Monitor expects to see expressed in a red-top report relating to the summer's riots, but pathos is hardly one of them.

Nonetheless, the Daily Mirror's coverage of one self-confessed looter's appearance before magistrates is written more in sorrow than in anger.

It concerns great-grandfather Thomas Hart who, at 69, is the oldest person to have been convicted of playing a part in the disorder.

A half-page photograph shows Hart, stooped over a walking stick, clad in a drab anorak, shuffling outside the court in south London.

The newspaper notes mordantly that he had "downed six or seven pints of lager before the disturbances" and was caught on CCTV in a branch of JD Sports "swiping three jumpers".

However, it is Hart's own words that best capture the tone of the article:

"I'd had a good drink. I wasn't one of those people setting fire to things and smashing the place up - there's no need for that. I took two or three jumpers, but I didn't get them home. Someone pushed me to the ground."

The Mirror's story is not the only example of surprising legal coverage. The Times carries a tale of a judge who turned to Charles Dickens rather than case law to resolve a dispute over the word "adjoining".

Lord Justice Rimer's judgement was based on an example of the word in chapter 33 of Bleak House, according to the paper. Unconventional though such jurisprudence may be, this column is gratified that the Court of Appeal has such literary leanings.

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Since when is the drink-drive alcohol limit a necessary measurement for people who were not driving?
Tim, York

Dear Paper Monitor, do any of the papers discuss whether 1 in 10 tents have extra occupants that would otherwise be in the empty tents?
Ed Loach, Clacton, UK

Now this picture just wants to be included for "10 Things"
K Morrison, Lowestoft

Quite right, Anita (Wednesday's letters), breakfast should never contain Baked Beans. Fried tomatoes is the true way (with mushrooms, bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried bread and poached egg, cereal, toast, coffee, grapefruit juice, croissant, pain au chocolat, ham, cheese, pineapple and hot chocolate).
Ian, Winchester, UK

Anita (Wednesday's letters), I am not sure why you are surprised about the beans; they sound great. It's the pizza part I am having issues with.
Chris Clarke, California, USA

Sharon (Wednesday's letters), please, please can I add Nuclear to your list ? NewClear NOT NewCular. Thanks, I feel better now.
Paul, Ipswich

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

It’s safe to say the question in Intelligent Life’s most read article is just a theoretical one. That is, unless they have a time machine they failed to mention. Historian Patrick Dillon gets stuck in, regardless. A little on the squeamish side, he rules out the middle ages because of knights on horseback. Instead he'd choose the 1690s as the period he's choose to live in so he can witness the birth of insurance. Thrilling.

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Some discussion of a poll of British readers that reveals that people read trashy books on their e-readers, whilst filling their bookshelves at home with autobiographies, political memoirs and serious books.

In the Independent,John Walsh laments that he has been forced to read Jackie Collins for work-related reasons - and admits that although he's a technophobe highbrow he wishes he had a Kindle to spare him the embarrassment.

The Daily Telegraph's man says he's not ashamed of what's on his e-reader, admitting that Jilly Cooper's Polo is his third favourite book and that reading trash is not "shorthand for moral degeneracy". A sentiment Paper Monitor wholeheartedly agrees with.

Debate about the part-time nature of the St Paul's protesters rumbles on - with the Daily Star jumping on the thermal image bandwagon to highlight the number of empty tents.

The Guardian has spoken to a military scientist who says the claims that one in 10 tents remains empty overnight is based on "rubbish science".

And the Daily Express has set up its own one-man camp at the home of a St Paul's protester.

Meanwhile, all the papers have pictures of this year's must-have children's Christmas toy - a plastic sausage dog that poos plasticene after you feed it. Not something for Paper Monitor's wish list.

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A look at the stories ranking highly on various news sites.

"Prince Philip, however, could only be described as having got the wrong end of the stick."

It's easy to see why the Daily Beast's readers are clicking on the story about how to increase your child's IQ. There is some well-worn advice: breast feed, get them piano lessons and don't take cocaine during pregnancy. But there's a surprise entry: a child who learns to juggle can increase the volume of grey matter in children's brains by 3%.

Many questions are left unanswered. For one, it's 27 storeys. Is that a house? And question number two is: no matter how rich you are, who needs three helipads?

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Ok Mick (Tuesday's letters) - but is it conTROVersy, or controVERSy?
Nicola, Cambridge

Instead of fussing about "controversy", both pronunciations of which are correct, could someone please teach television and radio announcers how to pronounce "secretary", "sixth", and "mischievous"? Thanks awfully.
Sharon Cutworth, King's Lynn

I may be being (very) thick, but say Greece (or any other country) did default on its debts - then what? Do they send the bailiffs in and repossess the country? Do they come to an agreement whereby Greece pays off their debts at say £100 per month for the next billion years? I really don't understand what the consequences would be in actuality - any ideas?
PollySaxon, Lichfield

Oh dear, oh dear. The Joy of Sex was a seminal work?
Ralph, Cumbria

Doggie Doo is the must have Christmas present this year? There's plenty of that in the park by my house so at least there's no need for last minute panics in Toys R Us!
Phil, Oxford

If T Rodgers doesn't fancy doughnuts for breakfast (Monday's letters), he could always try the tasty treat advertised on the leaflet that fell through my letter box last night - the All Day Breakfast Pizza featuring sausage, bacon, tomato and - wait for it - baked beans!
Anita, Poole

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

More ruminations about cheese in the papers. And not only in the wake of Nicolas Sarkozy's ungallant remark that German Chancellor Angela Merkel "said she's on a diet and then helps herself to a second helping of cheese".

A report has just been published that shows upmarket cheeses are the most popular item for shoplifters. The Independent laments the lack of an Atkins-style, cheese-only weight loss diet and anticipates a revolutionary Eat Brie, Lose Pounds Diet book - courtesy of Angela Merkel.

In the Times cheese maker and Blur bassist Alex James goes so far as branding cheese theft as the worst kind of crime "like swearing in church or mugging a nun". Hmmm, not sure Paper Monitor - a self-confessed cheese lover - agrees.

On a more literary note there's lots of talk around the "Shakespearian thriller" Anonymous which hands authorship of the Bard's plays to Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford.

There is a whole industry devoted to trying to prove that somebody else wrote Shakespeare's plays. But in defence of the Bard the Telegraph notes the trouble with Shakespeare author conspiracies is that they usually know "very little about the Elizabethan and Jacobean theatre" and that Hollywood directors "don't really care".

The Independent asserts that arguments from Shakespeare doubters "boil down to the idea that an ordinary bloke from the Mildlands couldn't have written anything beautiful". How very rude of such disbelievers. Roy Wood, Noddy Holder, Ozzy Osbourne... do you need anymore evidence that the area is a hotbed of wordsmiths?

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Would love to go and see Jerusalem as the subject matter touches on many of my own thoughts about rural life. Sadly at £55 a ticket I don't think many of us in the 'sticks' will be able to afford to see it. Kind of ironic don't you think?
John Burton, Carmarthen. UK

Re: Triumphs and travesties. So how much of your time at school was wasted learning things that aren't true?
Simon Dolan@BBC_Magazine

She's back! This time with what looks like a kebab. It was probably something she ate.
Brian Gunn, Muscat, Oman

Instead of how to say place name in a country on the other side of the world, how about teaching tv presenters, particularly news readers how to say CONTROVERSY. Its NOT CONTRAVERSY.
Mick Kessell, Crawley Sussex

I don't believe any of these letters (Monday's Letters) about doughnuts. They're full of holes.
John Thompson, Kirkby Lonsdale

Tim McMahon (Monday's Letters), shouldn't you have got your shroud?
Debby, Chelmsford, Essex

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There has been much ado about the anti-capitalist protesters who have set up camp outside St Paul's Cathedral in London. They are attracting lots of attention from the papers, passers-bys, tourists and workers.

But the Times has the best scoop of all - nine out of 10 campers are not that fond of sleeping on cold, hard concrete and desert their posts for the comfort and warmth of their own beds at night.

How they came about this information is actually quite sophisticated. It did not involve a junior reporter knocking on the nylon doors at the dead of night and conducting a census. It came from thermal imaging cameras from police helicopters. Now, that's clever.

Another British institution attracting attention is the Queen. She is touring Australia and about 45,000 people greeted her in Brisbane yesterday. The Sun has a picture of the scene, asking readers to spot the diminutive monarch amid the sea of people and cameras. It's headline is Where's Lizzie?

The Mirror copies the Where's Wally theme but gives the game away by circling the monarch. Where's the fun in that?

The paper also covers the story of the Australian man who "mooned" at the Queen's motorcade. But it seems even semi-streakers have their boundaries because the paper says he was careful to hide his "crown jewels" and "didgeridoo".

I didn't show my front bits. There were loads of people and I wouldn't want them seeing that.

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Andrew Marr includes in his catalogue of all that's wrong with our green and pleasant land "sinister burger-tossers in lay-bys". What can he mean? Is it the fact that people may choose burgers that is "sinister"? Or that they are "tossed"? Or that the practice is carried on in lay-bys? I object strongly to this appallingly generalised characterisation. My local "buttie-bar" is clean, serves local produce and award-winning meat and is anything but sinister. Perhaps Andrew Marr has become too accustomed to the hole-in-the-corner, round-the-back-of-the-bikeshed world of Westminster dining to recognise good wholesome food and catering when he comes across it.
Peter Carlton, Skipton, UK

Re: the doughnut story. The quote from Judith Denby is quite possibly the most depressing view I have ever heard. "The doughnut industry in the UK is following the US example... doughnuts are very much about breakfast. I like snacks as much as the next person, but promoting doughnuts as a breakfast? What do you wash them down with - Budweiser?
T Rodgers, UK

After this much to drink - "whisky expert Mr Murray tasted more than 1,200 new drams before deciding on the winner"- how can we be sure he made the right decision?
Henri, Sidcup

Dedicated doughnut shops may well be popping up, but that clearly is not one of them as it also sells baguettes.
Basil Long, Nottingham

"Some of Brighton's 'un-dead' said they dressed as zombies just for fun" whilst others just said "Uunnnnnnnnnnn brains...brains...uhnnnnnnnn".
Simon Love, London

Birmingham prison keys loss: maybe they had "skeleton" keys as it is almost Halloween... spooky or what?
Tim McMahon, Pennar, Wales

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A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.

Football fans were treated to a host of derby matches over the weekend.

Aston Villa took on West Brom and Queen's Park Rangers battled Chelsea. An all-Cheshire clash between Crewe and Macclesfield was one of League Two's highlights, while Dundee United versus St Johnstone in the Scottish Premier League divided Tayside.

On the back pages, however, only one encounter between local rivals matters.

Champions Manchester United's 6-1 humbling at the hands of their erstwhile "noisy neighbours", the newly petrodollar-rich Manchester City, was a dramatic enough tally in its own right.

But Fleet Street's breathless sportswriters were keen to imbue the result with such overbearing significance that Paper Monitor wonders why everyone involved in the battle for the Premiership title doesn't just give up and stay at home for the rest of the season.

For the Times, it was not just "a scoreline that will echo through the ages" but also "a seismic shift in the Barclays Premier League".

One the front page of its sports section, the formerly Mancunian Guardian breathlessly offers a host of statistics outlining why the result could "herald a new era". For one correspondent, "this felt like far more than just another win". For another, "United now face a struggle to be seen as the number one team in their own metropolis".

But the prize for hyperbole goes to Oliver Holt of the Daily Mirror, for whom, after "nearly two decades of oppression", the jeering from the City terraces "was the sound of English football getting its own back on Manchester United at last".

Not all commentators were so quick to herald a transformation at the top of the game's pecking order, however.

BBC pundit and former Liverpool player Alan Hansen clearly remains chastened by the his dismissal of United's young squad on the opening day of the 1995/6 season on the basis that: "You'll never win anything with kids." The team went on to claim a league and cup double.

Hence he prefixes his reservations about the youth of the present-day United with an admission that his "track record when it comes to judging kids is not exactly great". While Hansen says the league is now City's to loses, he hedges this with the truism that "until you have the medal in your pocket, somebody else can always take it away from you".

In papers as on the pitch, the fear of failure haunts even the biggest names. It's only a game.

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