Are mid-life crises happening earlier?

The short answer is Yes, and it led to divorce. That was around 20 years ago (early 40's), since then I've rebuilt my life - and it's much better.

well lets see why might we be sad?

were in a recession
were all skint
the police are useless snobs to busy catching the little fish so they miss the big fish
we pay tax on everything even dying!
most people havent had a pay rise for 1+ years
its always cold and raining
we were promised an indian summer turned out to be 4 weeks total
they gov keep telling us not to drink or smoke and charge us more and more
retirement age just keeps going up so you will probably die before you stop working
the gov are taxing us off the roads and its finally starting to work
pubs and clubs are dying because of the smoking ban so we have nowere to go
the only think to look forward to soon is ever higher heating bill costs

hmm well i reckon a few of thoese might just be contributing :)

hmm i think we should just go to parliment all of us tie them all up jail them and start holding referendums and hit the reset button on the uk

Eh? Since when does having a bad relationship at home or work equate to a mid-life crisis?

Mid-life crises are about going out and going something reckless because one's life is a bit staid. Saying you're a bit depressed is not the same thing at all!

Another non-story BBC.

I never had a mid-life crisis, but then the mirror reflects a veritable Peter Pan. Chronologically several decades older, but in mind, still a Peter Pan in so many ways. Of course, I not only have what I want, I want what I have. Crises of any sort have a hard time breaking through that. I'm lucky in being solitary in nature, so loneliness has never been a problem. I ache every morning on waking up, but that's a sign of still being alive, which is something to be grateful for.

My philosophy: Mid life crises are for people who lack the perspective to appreciate all the good things in their lives, and forget how much worse it could be.

Also, when middle aged men buy sports cars or motorbikes, this isn't the same thing as a mid-life crisis. Men who want these things can't usually afford them until they are middle aged because supporting their family comes first. I find it sexist and offensive when (some) women cast aspursions on the motivations of men who spend their own hard earned money on things that they have wanted for years.

"Are mid-life crises happening earlier?"

Does this therefore mean we are living shorter lives?! ;-)

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

I'm not entirely sure that what this article is getting at is really the "mid-life crises" syndrome.

Certainly financial and life style stress may be affecting people earlier but that doesn't make it a Mid-Life Crises.

What I think of when I hear the term is a forty to fifty year old suddenly having a change of persepective (for what ever reason) and doing something that was out of character before. That's all.

Personally, I think I may go out and buy my motorbike in the next decade or two!

Yes they are, at 33 I already feel like I've had at least two!

I'm 38, married and have no kids (yet).. Now that is a lonely place to be.. Most of my friends have kids and their lives are so far removed that we have little in common.. Me and my wife think we'll probably have kids soon just to feel on the same level as out peers ! Sounds silly but it is very isolating being in a different place to 90% of the people your age group !

I suppose if you value societies opinion on where your life ought to be in your thirties, ie, wife, career, kids ,mortgage then you probably will be a bit down if you have'nt achieved those goals.

Me - I'm not so bothered - life is a journey and we're all heading to the same destination in the end.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

Are mid-life crises happening earlier? Funny.

Mid Life is just one crisis point in life. Times of stability and times of change afflict everyone andare tied to an extent to a biological programme of life events. It may be that this is the change point between youth and settled adult happening later rather than the mid life crisis happening earlier.

as a 46 year old, i find it somewhat depressing that you seem to think 35-44 is middle aged. What am i, a pre-pensioner?

I'm only 24 and already am feeling I'm in the middle of a mid-life crisis - most of my friends feel the same way too! I think the mid to late twenties is the transition age between the wrecklessness of your late teens and early twenties and accepting the responsibilities of your 30s - be it being successful in your career, owning your own house, having children. And I just don't want to think about responsibility yet!!

I'm in a bit of a crisis. I'm 33. Can't get a job. Can't get a girlfriend. Can't get my own house. I am in good health though despite a few knockbacks.

"Are mid-life crises happening earlier"? is the HYS question.

'Relate' commissioned this survey in the UK - that presumably focussed on the life/work balance in the UK.

Strikes or public disobedience across Europe is accepted, and perfectly normal when Europeans disagree with their Government's actions - who are their employees - not the other way around as is the problem the UK?

There is HUGE frustration in the UK by most people, not just couples.

Most of the time, because of the minority of 'untouchables' and 'unaccaountables' idiots we pay for via Council Tax to our Council - yet when there is a problem - the Council say - it's outsourced to save money - we are are looking at it. So as Council Tax has increased by 50% in the last 5 years, we can assume as services have deteriorated - someone, somewhere is skimming the fat from the milk of full fat Council Tax?

HYS - "Are mid-life crises happening earlier? / How far are changing expectations and financial pressures increasing stress levels?":

Yes & A lot:
By the age of 40+ most people have a more 'realistic' idea of where they're going in life - than they did when they were in their 20's - and in most cases, they become increasingly disillusioned when they realise that their 'dreams' CANNOT come true.

Financial pressures DO add to this 'crisis'-period, but I believe that the PRIME FACTOR for this is mainly due to stress - and the 2 Prime causes of this stress are:

1) Our 'way of life' (Society) - as controlled / destroyed by our Government.

2) The excessive & CONSTANT workplace 'rush' to achieve ever-rising, 'target-driven' goals - for an 'ADEQUATE' reward.

These 2 factors combine to complete the 'vicious-circle' that destroys the hope of even a 'satisfactory' life.

For most people, it's not the usual age-related 'mid-life' crisis that's the problem - its the seeming-pointlessness of their lives - with no worthwhile reward except having enough money to pay the Bills - MAYBE enough left for a short Holiday - and NO TIME or MONEY left for anything else...

CAN we really be SO grateful for THIS mind-numbing, robotic existence?

Well, I have been having a 'mid life crisis' since I was in my teens! As a 'habitual failure' of high achievement - Of all those desires and wishes unfulfilled, when all were delivered somehow. Defined as an 'under-achiever' when I achieve so much of value and worth. Never quite achieving all those things I once thought possible, yet achieving all those thing I thought impossible. Never quite able to declare I had arrived, even after I arrived. Always having an unnerving sense that I am in a minority of one, yet being part of the majority. A nagging conscious realisation that I am always on the outside looking in at something that neither inspires or satisfies, yet knowing I am on the inside looking out and full of inspiration and self satisfaction!

All those contradictions are sure to create a crisis!

Yes indeed, I want to run away and live the adventure - but alas something is always there to prevent escape - because I cannot define what it is I want to run away from or what I want to run to...............Oh that 'life time' crisis - of responsibilities and self judgement - its a difficult one to over come. Poo Bags

From amle perspective, hitting my mid thirties I find the following truths.

0. Pregnancy, men have no rights what so ever only 18 years of obligation.
1. Custody battles over children, Mother are more likely to win.
2. Divorce proceedings favour women over the men regardless of blame.
3. Men are treated as perverts if they even talk to another child.
4. Men are treated as guilty of rape with their life destroyed even if they are innocent.
5. Constantly shown advertisements where men are shown as stupid or inadequate compared to other characters.

6. Most things that men enjoy and women dont are treated as "Bad" or antisocial.

7. men are unable to photograph their kids at sports day because they are afraid of being targetted as being a pedophile.

8. Men also have now realised women dont "need" them now for any of the functions they traditionally performed.


These issues were probably always true, but now its a reality.

2. At 12:40pm on 29 Sep 2010, scotty1694 wrote:
well lets see why might we be sad?
:RESPONSE

were in a recession: NOT ANY MORE, WE';VE PULLED OUT

were all skint: IM NOT SKINK, IM VERY COMFORTABLE.

the police are useless snobs to busy catching the little fish so they miss the big fish: NOT TRUE

we pay tax on everything even dying!: TAX IS THERE FOR THE UPKEEP OF THE COUNTRY, IF IT WASNT UPKEPT YOU WOULD MOAN ANYWAY

most people havent had a pay rise for 1+ years: THATS BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE JUST ASSUME THEY GET ONE FOR PUTTING LITTLE EXTRA WORK IN

its always cold and raining: COMPLAIN TO GOD NOT TO THE GOVERNMENT

we were promised an indian summer turned out to be 4 weeks total: WE CANT HELP THE WEATHER

they gov keep telling us not to drink or smoke and charge us more and more: CHARGING MORE AND MORE IS A WAY OF PUTTING PEOPLE OFF, AND IN FAILING THE EXTRA COST GOES TO THE COST OF PUTTING YOU IN HOSPITAL WHEN YOUR ILL AS A RESULT OF SMOKING OR DRINKING

retirement age just keeps going up so you will probably die before you stop working: IF YOUR BOTHERED BYT IT THEN DONT OVER INDULGE IN SPENDING, SAVE AND THEN YOU CAN RETIRE EARLIER

the gov are taxing us off the roads and its finally starting to work: TAXES ARE HIGHER ON CARS THAT POLUTE: THE SOLUTION, DONT BUY A CHELSEA TRACTOR THAT GUZZLES FUEL

pubs and clubs are dying because of the smoking ban so we have nowere to go: YOU DO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO - OUTSIDE THE PUB

the only think to look forward to soon is ever higher heating bill costs: SAYS WHO?

ALL PEOPLE SEEM TO DO IS MOAN AND BLAME EVERYONE ELSE. ITS PATHETIC

Ah, now the 30s. The age where if you are single you get to see everyone getting married, settling down, having kids and generally being happy and smug whilst you feel you're being left behind - pretty good reason for a breakdown!

Then of course all the people getting married, settling down, having kids aren't as happy as they seem to be as life turns out to be not the happy-ever-after fairytale we were led to believe it was!!

Yet the media perpetuate the myth that everyone is happy, with perfect teeth and hair but of course real life can't compete with that = unhappiness and crises.

For me my mid-life crisis started at 22 (I'm 26 now), when I realised how repulsive and de-humanising the rat race is.

The more I think about the research behind this question - the more sense it makes. The UK working population is abused by American working practices, yet, conveniently not benefitting by low American taxation?

Compared to European shorter working hours, lower commuting costs, lower local taxes, and fixed low rent/mortgage overhead costs that equal a better quality of life - the UK fails on all those counts too.

So, the conclusion for the UK working population is the worst of both worlds, but none of the benefit of either:=

American style long working hours - but high European taxation. Stuffed!

The term is interchangeable with others, such as "the seven year itch". I married at 22 and spearated at 33, getting divorced 2 years later. During this time I had already had a rebound fling and then found a love that I had never experienced before. Within 7 moths of my divorce I was married again. Looking back, I got married too early and (although I loved her) to the wrong person. I would change nothing, as we have 3 wonderful children (not so young now) but I am aware that our relationship caused us stress for a time before we realised it was in crisis. I'd suggest that shorter engagements and younger marriages lead to earlier crises.

My present marriage is much better. We don't have the strains of my first marriage - each having their own life as well as a life together - and our children are all responsible young adults now. We've learned from experience what unrealistic expectations of long-term relationships cause - she lost her husband unexpectedly. As a result we reaffirm our love regularly and take the best we can from each day. We remember cautions from our parents, like "don't let the sun set on an argument". We plan long-term, but action short-term. And we face crises together as a team, not as opponents.

Bearing this in mind, I think you'll actually find mid-life crises happening later, as the trend is now to marry later and raise a family later in life. This will cause the issues in mid-forties or even fifties instead, and we'll have mature singles' bars popping up everywhere.

If being depressed is indicitive of being in a mid life crisis then I've been in and out of a mid life crisis since my early twenties. The remedy? I always remind myself that there are a lot of people a lot worse off then me. I am in good health, I have two healthy and happy children, I have (just) enough money to pay my bills and eat reasonalby, I am not starving in Africa, I have never been abused, I do not need help just to do normal day to day activities. Yes, things could be better (i.e. I could win the Euromillions this Friday and never have to work again), but things could also be a whole load worse (as previously stated - I am not starving in some war torn country in Africa). My point? If the majority of people only sat down and thought about it they would realise there are plenty of people a whole load worse off than they so just stop complaining and get on with it.

For mid life crisis read ; haven't made a million, have to work for a living, married (or live with) the wrong person,or am madly jealous of people who I think are better off and happier than me. Get a grip !

I think most people are stressed, irrespective of their age. I am in my early 50's and have been unemployed for a year so I am stressed.I then have a daughter who has just graduated from university with debts of £22k. She has managed to find a job, but is struggling to live on her salary. I then have a younger son in his early 20's who has given up on university and can not get a job so he is stressed. I then have parents who are struggling to live on their pension income as the interest on their savings is so negligable and their cost of living keeps going up.

"21% of people aged 34 to 44 say they feel lonely a lot of the time while a similar percentage say bad relationships at home or work have left them feeling depressed"

Lonely and depressed - poor dears!

It's high time people got a grip and started to take control of their lives.

As Dr. McCartney says,"There are higher expectations on people of this age in terms of what they've achieved in their careers and family life."

This phenonmenon occurs when people's lives don't live up to their expectations and that can happen at any age. It's just that being younger gives you more opportunity to change direction without falling behind too far. For an older person there may be an element of having to start from the bottom rung again some 10 or 20 years later than those who would be in the same position. This gives a sense of having lost or wasted time. Having a family with children also curtails freedom for some, who may not be able to take on or seek a change in direction because they have a family to support.

Personal ambition also plays a part, what may leave one person content with their lot, may lead another to strive for something better.

I think it was George Eliot who said, "It's never too late to be who you might have been".

"
12. At 1:14pm on 29 Sep 2010, Magi Tatcher wrote:

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet
"

Real stress is when you wake up and Gordon Brown is PM, then you start screaming.

Nakor wrote:
Personally, I think I may go out and buy my motorbike in the next decade or two!


While I would be happy to welcome another rider to the biking community I would offer a note of caution; middle aged men are now the group most likely to suffer a serious accident of their own making due to the fact that most of them haven't ridden anything faster than a Fisi since the 1970s but now have the money to buy an R1 or GSXR10000 yet lack the experience and abilities required to handle the power that this sort of motorbike produces.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists have groups all over the country who will be happy to help you get the skills you need to keep yourself safe and there's also the added benefit of reduced insurance costs once you've passed the course.

Like Benny Hill I still think the same things I did at 17. Yes I have a lot more experience at 60 but it's your attitude that counts. My kids think thats what I am, a big kid who still laughs and jokes as I have always done.

I am not afraid of old age and will certainly not go gently into that good night. I have plans to do all the unfinished ideas I have had so far and to have as much fun doing it.

Life as I see it gets better each day. I read rants on HYS about this government, the last one, the one before etc, too much tax, too many foriegners, too much debt. If thats all there is why bother? Why get out of bed each day?

We have never had so much prosperity and benefits in real terms. My late parents would have envied all that we and our kids have.

Mid-life crises are for middle-class self-indulgent over-educated under-employed un-forfilled nonentities. For them life is one long mid-life crises that started the moment they are born and ends the moment they breathe their last.

Individuals' lives are all different, so you can't generalise. Even if you could, what possible use could this information have? So what is the point of the question? Doesn't the BBC have more serious, interesting or constructive matters to debate? Who on earth chooses these topics? Maybe a cut in the licence fee would restore some sense ...

I would like to have a mid life crisis but I can't afford it and don't have the time. I intend to grow old disgracefully, watch out ladies!!!!

Its no wonder many face such a crisis in their 30's.Just look at what is thrown at each of us from an early age.You cant keep on expecting more and more of those 20,30 and 40 something to take the entire countries burden on their shoulders whilst the rest just let them get on with it.What little freedoms are left are being gradually eroded away and it will lead to many just giving up and going off to do their own thing and mostly abroad!Years ago everyone had a part to play because there was a sense of community but now everyone has been made to be wary of neighbours and even relatives because they might be abusers or drug dealers or anti social thugs and its this message the UK government has put out for the past 25 years making an effective divide and rule policy which is just ramped up every time a new government takes power.The latest is the big lie about "savage cuts"which has never been fully costed and never will be but the drip drip effect it has just piles on the pressure.
The only people with money these days are those fortunate to have work and the government just piles on the pressure taxes,fines etc;.Many of this age group find relationships hard .Women find it hard holding down a job looking after children and trying to decide whether or not they live with an abuser and men are frightened off from forming steady relationships.Each year that goes by finds less jobs available as the human race is replaced bit by bit by machines.Mid life crisis?Mid life suicide note is more like it,there has to something better than being told your useless by employers,partners and the state thought police.

Yes. I've had such crises every decade since my teens.

17. At 1:21pm on 29 Sep 2010, Richard Smart wrote:
I'm in a bit of a crisis. I'm 33. Can't get a job. Can't get a girlfriend. Can't get my own house.

----

Reminds of one of my favourite stories.

Once upon as time there was a king in ancient land who was subject to bouts of both hysterical hapiness and gut wrenching, maudlin depression (something many of us can identify with).

He asked his wise men to devise a way of helping him to overcome his extreeme mood swings.

After a bit of a think the wise men came back and gave the king a gold ring for him to wear at all times.

Inscribed on the ring were the words 'This too shall pass'.

It was Benjamin Disraeli that is supposed to have said, "There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies and statistics".

Since the survey is based on statistics, how can I take this question seriously?

Comment #19 is pretty much spot-on. Modern life is a continuous mid-life crisis. That is, UNLESS you set your aims artificially low...could it be that the slackers have the right idea?

34. At 2:09pm on 29 Sep 2010, JohnH wrote:
///Like Benny Hill I still think the same things I did at 17. Yes I have a lot more experience at 60 but it's your attitude that counts. My kids think thats what I am, a big kid who still laughs and jokes as I have always done.

I am not afraid of old age and will certainly not go gently into that good night. I have plans to do all the unfinished ideas I have had so far and to have as much fun doing it.

Life as I see it gets better each day. I read rants on HYS about this government, the last one, the one before etc, too much tax, too many foriegners, too much debt. If thats all there is why bother? Why get out of bed each day?

We have never had so much prosperity and benefits in real terms. My late parents would have envied all that we and our kids have.

Mid-life crises are for middle-class self-indulgent over-educated under-employed un-forfilled nonentities. For them life is one long mid-life crises that started the moment they are born and ends the moment they breathe their last.///

So what you are basically saying is, either live as a child all your life, never grow up or develop you intellectual potential, never be an adult OR suffer the consequences of a life long crisis of uncertainty!!!!

Wow some choice - not sure I want to be a child forever.

This survey appears to have been conducted by several highly qualified and no doubt highly paid individuals on behalf of the charity Relate. This charity will no doubt be in part funded by taxpayers through gift aid and frankly might I suggest those involved go and get a real job. Perhaps those involved in the reporting of such "findings" should do likewise.

Refer to other posters with children still at home - make the most of them, however irritating they are - loneliness takes on a whole new meaning when they find someone else to love, and love them.

To those posters without children, yet want them; but feel 'left-out' or slowly 'isolated' by life-long friends who have, or about to have children - don't worry about how you feel, it's natural - it's a kind of 'unique' bereavement of a part of a long friendship/relationship that has changed forever?

So do stay in touch in your usual way; get through that intial heartache and never, ever lose good friendship just because your real friend had a child. If, in spite of your efforts, that old friendship is not recipricated after a reasonable amount of time - then, like any relationship - you have to move on.

Furthermore, having a child may or may not be your instinct or intention or physical ability or for loads of other reasons. So, what! If someone/anyone makes YOU feel bad about yourself for not having children - well simply tell THEM to go forth and multiply! Just a thought.

I hope I don't have my mid life crisis at 34, there is no way I will be able afford a Ferrari that soon and with an ever receding hair line there is little chance of getting a 21 year old girlfriend to make me feel young again.

33. At 2:03pm on 29 Sep 2010, General_Jack_Ripper wrote:
"While I would be happy to welcome another rider to the biking community I would offer a note of caution."

Well, I wasn't quite that serious. I was just stereotyping myself as a candiate for a Mid-Life Crises and what I might do if I had the money.

I promise, though, that if I do find myself as a 40 something itching for adventure, I will take your words of caution to heart!

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

34. At 2:09pm on 29 Sep 2010, JohnH wrote:
Mid-life crises are for middle-class self-indulgent over-educated under-employed un-forfilled nonentities. For them life is one long mid-life crises that started the moment they are born and ends the moment they breathe their last.
……………………………………..
Such words of wisdom, glad I don’t know you!

relate like most charites are jumping on the bandwagon
1/ after funding or charging minium fee
2/ more intrested in own gratification
3/ families are struggling more because
they have more money problems because they
have a goverment which fail them all the time
qaulity family time is disappearing tv rubbish
the cost of a day out breaks the bank whats left
ANGER

A mid life crisis is the point in your life when you finally realise that you have been had !

Personally, I'm a glass half full person. I am acutely aware that we only have a finite lease on our place on earth, and no expectation of an afterlife. So, this is it, for better or worse. Life can be unfair, and for many people in this present recession it is not far short of a nightmare. But setting some arbitrarily defined age at which a "mid life crisis" will happen is plain silly. Some people are born middle aged,moody and dissatisfied and some (the lucky ones) never quite manage to grow up. You can blow a set of sad feelings into full scale "crisis" at any point. As I see it, the trick is to manage each stage of our lives to the best of our ability and save our compassion for the genuinely unwell.

Since WW2 I have been happy because most of my relatives died and I survived.

Never had unobtainable ambitions - obtained degrees - always had the good jobs which I applied for,- bought the houses I wanted.

My family had the good sense not to clutter my life

Never been lonely in my life - though I confess that I have dogs.

The result? No mid - life crisis but then no crisis's at all.

Well, if they were then they would no longer be mid-life crises. Life crises in general are more common these days due to social disintegration and the fact that society is governed by a ruling class that helps itself and treads on the heads of other people. In my experience people tend to feel disappointed with life when they have perpetual headaches because someone is repeatedly standing on their heads.

I wouldn't know if it's getting earlier - I've only had one mid-life!

Also ages 34-44 pretty much are mid-life, especially for men who tend to die a few years earlier than women.

Oh, experts love deciding that everything is a crisis and that everyone has depression and everyone is stressed out and can't cope; they make fortunes selling books about it.

And all we have is a society that believes the rubbish and forks out fortunes on useless books.

People's lives go up and down. When I say hello to people I know, of all ages, most of them are okay for most of the time. That is how it has always been in my 50 years on this world.

So, experts be damned - if they all shut up, we would probably all be better off.

People having crises! You gotterby joking. The pubs are open 24 hours a day.
X factor on the telly. You can have anything you want even if you can't afford it (just spend somebody else's money when yours runs out - it's called credit). If anyone asks you pay back your debts, you just say the magic word "bankrupt" and they can go whistle for their money.What's to have a crisis about?

"5. At 12:48pm on 29 Sep 2010, Billy wrote:
My philosophy: Mid life crises are for people who lack the perspective to appreciate all the good things in their lives, and forget how much worse it could be.

Also, when middle aged men buy sports cars or motorbikes, this isn't the same thing as a mid-life crisis. Men who want these things can't usually afford them until they are middle aged because supporting their family comes first. I find it sexist and offensive when (some) women cast aspursions on the motivations of men who spend their own hard earned money on things that they have wanted for years."

I agree, it smacks of jealously. People, often women, seem to hate it when a man has done well for himself and rewarded himself with a porche etc. They say he's having a mid life crisis or he has a small package.

How is it odd for a man to want a sports car? We all do from the age of about 8 years old. And these things are way out of our grasp until we are at least 30 just in terms of insurance let alone buying the things.

When it comes to buying a forty thousand pound + sports car very very few men under 40 could afford such a thing unless they are incredibly lucky.

I'm 31 and would LOVE to buy a porche but there's no way i can afford one, YET.

I think that the term mid life crisis is often misleading and it might be better described as a mild form of depression which can affect anyone over the age of 30. It can all kick off with something such as hair loss, a car crash/accident, illness, relationship problems, money worries, job insecurity/loss, etc.,etc all of which are part of life's "knocks" which few of us can hope to escape. This is a mind thing and the most positive remedies are prayer and meditation to gain a fresh perspective on how much we still have to GIVE for ourselves and others.

Ah me, the luxury of a mid-life crisis. When was this invented I wonder? I'm thinking of my Great Granny who lived until I was a teenager. She had 22 pregnancies and 17 live births. She never had time for a mid-life crisis. They lived in a smallish rented house, grew their own vegetables and mended their own shoes. I remember huge family gatherings with all the food homemade. Mind you, I wouldn't wish all those babies on anyone. A mid-life crisis is relative, surely. If you are involved with life and busy, you don't have time for one. No doubt I'll get my head bitten off on here.

Having "played the game" of working for pointless exams, taken out loans for education and to afford even the smallest place to live, people are faced with a lifetime of debt, the threat of no retirement and an ever increasing population making us even more overcrowded. The media and even government almost encourage marital infidelity, so we are faced with an entirely insecure future with no support from family or government. No wonder people are waking up to what a bleak prospect they face. let us hope more of us then do something about it.

Well I'm 28 and I've just jacked in a burgeoning career as a data analyst to go back to Uni. Does that count as an early mid-life crisis?

Is a mid-life crisis necessarily a bad thing? If a person reaches mid 40s and realises that they married the wrong person, hate their job and are probably past the mid point of their life without actually enjoying a moment of it, should they continue or should they try to live a little?

The mid-life crisis used to hit as we turned forty but a survey by the charity Relate suggests that work and personal relationships are making us unhappy earlier.

What a load of codswallop.

42. At 2:37pm on 29 Sep 2010, The Ghosts of John Galt wrote:
34. At 2:09pm on 29 Sep 2010, JohnH wrote:
///Like Benny Hill I still think the same things I did at 17. Yes I have a lot more experience at 60 but it's your attitude that counts. My kids think thats what I am, a big kid who still laughs and jokes as I have always done.

I am not afraid of old age and will certainly not go gently into that good night. I have plans to do all the unfinished ideas I have had so far and to have as much fun doing it.

########################################

So what you are basically saying is, either live as a child all your life, never grow up or develop you intellectual potential, never be an adult OR suffer the consequences of a life long crisis of uncertainty!!!!

Wow some choice - not sure I want to be a child forever.

#######################################################

If by being mature you say worry about your life, purpose, future etc then you can keep it.

Life has taught me that there are so many things I have absolutely no control over.

1 Growing old, it happens so live with it.

2 Politics, it doesn't matter who I vote for, the government always gets in.

3 Money, well off or broke, in work or out, it is easy to live within your means.

4 Kids, oh kids! The joy of childhood, soon gone, then youth & problems, then maturity and then they are your best friends.

5 The future, the one and only thing I know is that it will happen.

6 Maturity, a much over valued commodity. I have known people at age 11 who think and act as 60 year olds. 'develop you intellectual potential' well I can argue (and do) with people about science/politics/philosophy etc but do you know what? most people do not want to know. The vast majority of people just want a quite life doing nice things they enjoy.


If by maturity I am supposed to worry every day about things I have no control then you can keep it.

There's a story on the internet about an american businessman on holiday in Mexico who comes across a Mexican fisherman who has landed a big fish at noon. The american asks what he is going to do "go to my mother-in-law's house and eat this fish, drink some tequilla and have a nap". The american says he sould go out and catch another fish and sell it. Then use the profit to buy a bigger boat and catch more fish to sell. Then buy more boats and build up the business. When the business is big sell it and retire with a fortune. "What do I do then?" asked the mexican, the american replied:---






"You can visit your family, eat fish , drink tequilla and take a nap!"

What's a "mid-life crisis anyway"? The term was introduced by wealthy old American men to excuse their affairs with younger women as far as I can see, and, if real would have been more properly called an "end of life crisis" as most of the "sufferers" were in their late 50s, i.e. in the last fifth of an average lifetime. Had they really been "midlife" then the "sufferers" would have been expecting to live to about 114.

We actually begin losing brain cells after 25 and this increases significantly after 40. I wonder if its not this sort of thing thats really behind this current trend.

Its worrying too. Men's health traditionally began to break after 45 and mental breakdowns are usually happening after this age along with heart attacks and strokes, but if this is now happening at a younger age it must be down to Britians low quality of life and because this is becoming one of the worst places in Europe to live in.

Our societal breakdown due to the evil of the 'free' market is now linked to people being over stressed at a younger and younger age.

Worrying. My Dad always said a Man should get to 50 before he began serious health issues begin.

The whole thing makes a total mockery of the Governments insane idea of increasing the retirement age and working us longer and longer.

Not all to do with money, success, growing old, sense of achievement or lack of: life can be encapsulated as birth, procreation & death (according to T. S. Eliot the poet). It is a metaphysical unease with life today which was previously filled by religion or simply having to get on with the business of life as there was nothing else to look forward to except next year's harvest, etc.

The 'internet couch potatoes' life style has created a new term a"sub-mid-life" crisis.

I have been having a midlife crisis since I developed cognitive awareness, and I will still be having a crisis if I make it to my 70s unless dementure gets the better of me.

Life is crisis

Don't think I had one.

Now, who am I again?

People's expectations these days are too high, that is why there are so many people unsatisfied with their lives.

Happines comes in small bursts, make the most of them when they happen and it will see you through the droughts.

This is not mid-life crisis in the way normally talk about mid-life crisis, this is about the generation who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s who are now in their 30s.

Before the 1980s everyone looked out for each other so people did not get lonely. Now we are seeing a whole generation who have that selfish me, me, me attitude.

This is another legacy of margret "there is no such thing as society" thatcher.

At 12:51pm on 29 Sep 2010, Gary Partis wrote:

"Does this therefore mean we are living shorter lives?! ;-)"

I think it means we are miserable for longer between childhood and dementia.

Are mid-life crises happening earlier?

It is for poor old David Miliband!

71. At 5:11pm on 29 Sep 2010, thelevellers wrote:
This is not mid-life crisis in the way normally talk about mid-life crisis, this is about the generation who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s who are now in their 30s.

Before the 1980s everyone looked out for each other so people did not get lonely. Now we are seeing a whole generation who have that selfish me, me, me attitude.

This is another legacy of margret "there is no such thing as society" thatcher.

---------------

You are right in many ways: the breakdown of a sense of Community, a devil may care attitude, people not brought up with a sense of courtesy & politeness, Society promoting the growth of feral children because the parents don't care or are past caring, avoiding having to deal with issues eg. should I or should I not help the person who is being bullied for fear of being charged with being politically incorrect, etc., the list is endless. I am happy to say I have a robust sense of my instincts as to what constitutes right or wrong & will never turn away from a 'damsel in distress' situation.

My gosh, this explains a disturbing incident I had yesterday when I saw a toddler trying to escape through the window of a car stationary at traffic lights. He looked at me, threw his arms out of the window, smiled, shouted 'mummy' to me , and gurgled with laughter....

Mid life crises? Drop the mid-life I think.

I thought that a mid life crisis, was realising that all of your plans you made when you were really young are about to evaporate when you grasp there are more years behind you than in front.

Being a bit sad is not it.

What have we to be happy with?

The world is financial meltdown, the Politicians are in it for themselves, and somewhere along the line we have all lost belief, whether that is in someone or something, no one actually believes in anything.

Most people think that work is there to provide them a living and actually baulk at the thought of having to work for it. Teenagers want life handed to them so they don’t have to get up from under the play station. And every year we allow social graces to be eroded in the name of “The Modern Times” as though being courteous to each other is somehow old fashioned and dated.

And do you know what, it is our fault, not some government to blame, it is all down to you me and them.

If feeling lonely, stressed and depressed consitutes as a mid life crisis, then I'm going to die at 32...I'm 16 and I'm all of those things listed.

Talk about growing up too fast!!

I certainly did not have a crisis in my thirties. It was the best time of my life so far. I was when I got married and my children were born. It was a joy to watch them learning and discovering new things every day.

#71 thelevellers

I tend to agree with you.

It was once explained to me that everyday can be a crisis if you do not get your own way. The response to me saying 'but it is wrong to expect to get your own way' was "Precisely!".

The whole package from cradle to grave is about taming expectation. Once you learn to take things as they really are, you play yourself and not a bit part in a soap opera you read about in some crummy magazines, newspapers or books. Live what there is to the full. There is beauty in everything, even the most traumatic experiences, and if you cannot see it then you are not alive at all, you are just existing on make believe, fantasy, and a huge dollop of guilt.

Another pointless survey to advertise the Company or Charity that wants to get that Days headlines.
Only lazy Journos and BBC.HYS Editors take any notice.
The rest of us just get on with our lives.

39 and feel like a grumpy old g**
two mid life already.
no partner
no hope
no house
no Job
hrump.

lol thats a funny old question if mid life is occurring earlier people are living shorter lives!
personally i find that notion very stressful and may lead to me going and sleeping with someone half my age and wearing clothes best suited to a 15yr old,!
oh nooo!

All this user's posts have been removed.Why?

15. At 1:19pm on 29 Sep 2010, smell the coffee wrote:
as a 46 year old, i find it somewhat depressing that you seem to think 35-44 is middle aged. What am i, a pre-pensioner?

=======================================
35-44 is middle aged, due to the fact that life expectancy is 70-88 but that is also dependant on where in this lovely damp nation you live, i had read somewhere that people in Scotland had a shorter life expectancy than peoples living in the south of the nation.
44-60 is pre oap
60 -70 is OAP
70-88 is take it easy knit walk the dog any day now
88-99 youve had a good life
99-110 ahh come on now your taking the mick
110+ Now seriously stop that! your just showing off now.

people in this country are burnt out from the long hours week follows week because we do not have a week end any more we are encouraged to eat and drink and have more sex than ever we are running to keep still and all this in a few years no adult is around to teach their children how to handle life the media and those in it tell everyone what they should do think be and whom they should crave to be like the media is full of boring dull untalented people who never stop waffling no one knows haw to have peace or be quiet and god forbid that they get bored depression comes with being human and is now not allowed everyone can have or be what they want to be so we are told no wonder we age its burn out.

Well, I'm 33 and I suppose I clearly have had a midlife crisis, because frankly, that's an easy term to sling around to describe anything bad happening to you after the age of about thirty but before the age of about sixty.

I listened to the summary of findings this morning on the way to work, and they can be summed up by saying 'lots of people get really down about how they can't just drift around, skive with their mates and have stuff just fall in their laps'. Well I never.

Just wanting something and not having it isn't enough of a reason to label your disappointment as a 'crisis'! A proper crisis is a terrible illness, or a messy breakup, losing your house, being robbed or something equally unfortunate. Flapping around whining about how things haven't worked out as you expected, when on closer examination your expectations were totally unrealistic, is not a proper crisis.

All that cliche stuff about motor bikes and sports cars is hogwash anyhoo - that happens because a chap's kids have flown the nest, the mortgage is paid off and you can finally get the phallic metaphor you've always wanted - that's all. It's not a crisis.

Anyway, I channel all my 'crisis energy' into being a right grumpy sod whenever I feel that humaity has really let itself down. Very cathartic. :)

Seriously - to answer the question, no. Mid life crises are not happening sooner. People have just changed the meaning of mid life crisis. That's all. Honestly - there's bigger things to get stressed about than not having simply oodles and oodles of time to spend doing all those lovely things you so love to do. Just... Man up, for crying out loud.

My whole adult life has pretty much been a crisis punctuated with the odd season of delusion that things might settle down.

I started out attracted to older women who got younger as I got older and when the ages crossed I got badly hurt so 35 - 44 was spent alone.

Each time I thought my career was really starting to blossom it went ker splat and I had to do all the building work again. That's stressful.

40 years of being told that the ways you get emotional closure are 'weird/wrong/unacceptable' etc etc means there's a lot of emotions still not satisfactorily processed. The concept of non-judgemental acceptance is rather rare in this country.

Big betrayals occurred 4 times in the period 35/44. They are the things which determine your fate. In as much as you will not be innocent or blindly optimistic again. You can't be. Because of the knife wounds.

The reason it's all happening?

IMHO, it's more and more difficult for people aged 27 to settle down and start a family in a reasonable sized house, with reasonable job hours able to pay the mortgage. That's the optimal time to start a family and our society is organised to make that more and more difficult.

A bit silly, isn't it?

It's all about interpretation and note of who conducted the survey has to be made.

21% in this age group said they felt lonely most of the time - so 79% didn't. Similar for the bad relationships at home or work.

I work in Primary Care Mental Health and in my experience the age group 44-60 seems to be the most common. But that might be due to a number of factors and doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

I agree with the comments about work stress. Most employers don’t deal with stress and depression very well, judging by the comments made by my patients. And if this research does nothing more than highlight how bad we are at dealing with stress and depression, it has done a lot of good.

From personal experience, my life picked up again at 35 and is fantastic at 40. But life is what you make of it and a person’s own thoughts around that life will make it good or bad. The same circumstances may be good for one person and bad for another.

I'm 35 and I think I've already had mine. But now that I've said that I'll probabaly have another one.

Damn! Does this mean I've missed my mid-life crisis? I was waiting until my early 50s to start trying to get off with girls half my age and to get hung up on regaining my lost youth.

It's only a crisis if the individual makes it a crisis. I thought 40 would be a problem - no - then 50 - again no. Age is a number not a medical condition and I think far to often age and the 'mid life crisis' are a state of mind.

Life is for living regardless of age.

I think it quite possible that many men are hitting a mid-life crisis by the time they're 30 or so . Remember 35 is in reality "middle age " . It's a competative world we inhabit and much is expected of one . If you haven't made it by the time you're 30 the chances of you making it further are slim ....Hence mid-life crisis ?

Do you think you are having a mid-life crisis? Are you finding, or did you find, increased stress in your mid-30s to mid-40s?How far are changing expectations and financial pressures increasing stress levels?
_____________________________________________________________________
Firstly, "Was this the face that launched a thousands ships"...
Secondly, No I am not even "the unknown solidier" of the modern world expecting some day the visit of the Pope....
Thirdly, Come on BBC you can do better. If you can't heal my wounds, don't rub salt on it.

Don't know about happening earlier - mine started when I was a teenager and now, even though I'm in my early 60's, it continues!

PATHETIC.

What a crop of whinging pathetic answers appear on this site!

And the question - with lives getting longer, how can the middle of life come earlier? Is this the standard of education and understanding we get after 15 years of Blair/Brown?

Dr Jane McCartney - "open attitudes to discussing depression and loneliness".

Is the good doctor correct? or is it that the welter of people engaged in social service type of medecine now depressing people by ENCOURAGING them to think miserable?

Bring on the cuts!

ALL life crises are happening earlier.

#95 Luvimwhydontcha offers "Is this the standard of education and understanding we get after 15 years of Blair/Brown?"

Clearly the problem you see is that of poor arithmetical ability or exaggeration via sensationalism.

In #96 you almost make sense if, by cuts, you meant deep, self inflicted wounds.

#92 keithkettlewell stated "It's a competative (sic) world.."

But, keith, it always has been and will be. Research shows that if you have 'enough money' at any stage of your life you will live longer. I think it is one of life's little jokes tempting us into believing a known conscious life is better than a completely unknown quantity called death.

The devilish cunning of my research shows me people are bigger cowards now than they have ever been.

22. At 1:45pm on 29 Sep 2010, Babboony wrote:
2. At 12:40pm on 29 Sep 2010, scotty1694 wrote:
well lets see why might we be sad?
:RESPONSE

were in a recession: NOT ANY MORE, WE';VE PULLED OUT

were all skint: IM NOT SKINK, IM VERY COMFORTABLE.

the police are useless snobs to busy catching the little fish so they miss the big fish: NOT TRUE

we pay tax on everything even dying!: TAX IS THERE FOR THE UPKEEP OF THE COUNTRY, IF IT WASNT UPKEPT YOU WOULD MOAN ANYWAY

most people havent had a pay rise for 1+ years: THATS BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE JUST ASSUME THEY GET ONE FOR PUTTING LITTLE EXTRA WORK IN

its always cold and raining: COMPLAIN TO GOD NOT TO THE GOVERNMENT

we were promised an indian summer turned out to be 4 weeks total: WE CANT HELP THE WEATHER

they gov keep telling us not to drink or smoke and charge us more and more: CHARGING MORE AND MORE IS A WAY OF PUTTING PEOPLE OFF, AND IN FAILING THE EXTRA COST GOES TO THE COST OF PUTTING YOU IN HOSPITAL WHEN YOUR ILL AS A RESULT OF SMOKING OR DRINKING

retirement age just keeps going up so you will probably die before you stop working: IF YOUR BOTHERED BYT IT THEN DONT OVER INDULGE IN SPENDING, SAVE AND THEN YOU CAN RETIRE EARLIER

the gov are taxing us off the roads and its finally starting to work: TAXES ARE HIGHER ON CARS THAT POLUTE: THE SOLUTION, DONT BUY A CHELSEA TRACTOR THAT GUZZLES FUEL

pubs and clubs are dying because of the smoking ban so we have nowere to go: YOU DO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO - OUTSIDE THE PUB

the only think to look forward to soon is ever higher heating bill costs: SAYS WHO?

ALL PEOPLE SEEM TO DO IS MOAN AND BLAME EVERYONE ELSE. ITS PATHETIC



erm what reality do you live in?
1. smoking makes 10bn a year costs nhs 5 bn
2. gas bills are going to stay the same or drop? and you really belive that? REALLY?
3.the ammount of tax we pay on cars + petrol is criminal im sorry not everyone can afford a 2 year old car so then even a 1.6 costs 150 quid a year hardly a chelsea tractor?
3. the tax im paying isnt going to where it should at all???
4.the police are rubbish not true? what even today i saw another example a guys house was geting urinated on stones and eggs thrown at it, he responds by firing a catapult at them then HE gets 150 community service?
they get no punishment and almost got away with suing him. after constantly ringing the police and them doing nothing not even turning up.
5.we have pulled out of the recession what? what figures have u managed to pull out of thin air? we are nowere near out of it yet thinks maybe getting better but you cannot say the worst is over yet, plenty of job cuts coming for the public sector = more people on dole = less spending and more debt were not out of the woods yet by a long shot
6. the weather im saying it could cause us to be down? and what? im not blaming any1body im listing causes for being depressed?
7. you might be well of but your in the few? your probably overpaid anyhow from your warped view of the situation.
8. why would i go outside of a shut down pub? 52 per week closing scince the ban well done anti smokers you got what you wanted but ruined it for urselfs too the world doesnt just revolve around you and you dont always know best what a suprise!
Take of thoese rose tinted glassed you have on and come back to reality or keep them on and im sure youd fit in brilliant in labour clueless about the public and reality