Archives for January 2010

Dear Andrew and Richard,

Just a note to wish you all the very best as you gently insert yourselves into our Saturday morning slot. I thought it might be useful to give you a simple list of instructions for handling our audience, whose precise temperament we have monitored, analysed and data-crunched over the last couple of years.

1. Speak softly. It's Saturday morning for God's sake. Only raise your voice if you are absolutely FURIOUS about something.

2. Treat Black Squadron with the respect they deserve. They are a highly trained, elite listening force. Some of them may currently feel confused, abandoned and angry. They may be highly dangerous in this state. Some of them may be hiding in the studio at this very moment, ready to kill you both the instant you put a foot wrong, armed only with a slice of sharpened toast.

3. Try and talk irrelevant rubbish. Adam and I have firsts in irrelevant rubbish from Oxford, so you're unlikely to reach our performance levels, but please try. If you must talk about anything topical, political or factual, be sure to get all the facts wrong.

4. Aim for 'um' and 'er' levels somewhere around the forty per half hour.

5. There's an old dog that used to wander into the studio. We gave it to a street urchin before Christmas, but it has a strong homing instinct and is likely to return. It stinks but is terribly terribly sweet. This dog confuses, divides and annoys our audience then tends to drag its bottom across the carpet. Stay away from it. I forget its name.

6. Under no circumstances should you attempt to interview anyone or have guests, especially Roger Moore.

7. In a cage in the cupboard under the window you will find two thick parrots called Fergus and Randy who we've trained to talk exactly like us. We use these parrots whenever we get tired or bored, which is often sometimes for the entire show. Feel free to deploy them if needs be.

One of you is small and hairy. The other is taller. Follow these rules and I believe you will succeed. We are honoured to have you both filling our yawning chasm. God speed to you both!

Lots of love, Joe

Yo Bloglodytes!

Joe here. You may have heard that Adam and I won the Loaded magazine LAFTA for Funniest Podcast yesterday. As you probably know, the LAFTA is the most coveted award in show business, more important even than all the Oscars and the Baftas in the world, if you smelted them down and re-cast the metal to spell the word 'important'. Now that Adam and I have scooped this prized LAFTA, things are going to change. I am going to become intolerably haughty and arrogant. Even more so than I already am. I'm going to take out a huge bank loan, confident in the vast financial success that this LAFTA will almost certainly bring me, and move into a huge house in Essex surrounded by high walls and robot guards. I am going to wear solid gold pyjamas 24 hours a day and spend the majority of my time making prank calls to Kates Winslet, Hudson and Blanchett, gloating about how I've won a LAFTA and they haven't.

This plan begins NOW, so excuse me if I cut this message short as I have an appointment with the loans manager at Natwest Streatham. All that remains is to sincerely thank any of you who logged onto the Loaded site and voted for us. It's really great to know that our ramblings are appreciated, and even greater to have a metallic representation of that appreciation, especially one sponsored by a contraceptive company. Score!!!!

Love Joe

The splendid pairing of Andrew Collins & Richard Herring will step in for Adam & Joe from this Saturday and throughout February. Who better to continue the tone set by Danny Wallace in cheering us up while Adam & Joe are away? There will be a podcast of the show available on Mondays.

Andrew Collins writes:

'Richard and I have been childishly jealous of Adam and Joe's success and immaculate speaking voices for many years. Now they have gone to Hollywood on the flimsy pretext of having some "other work" to do for a bit, we are only too pleased to jump into their shoes and play with their loyal listeners for the next five weeks. We cannot promise any pets in the studio, but we will be drawing upon the unbalanced enthusiasm of the Saturday morning audience and hoping to create a genial, jumper-wearing Swap Shop atmosphere, like Saturday mornings used to be, in other words. Also, we guarantee never to record a song. You have our word on that.'

Welcome back to Saturday mornings Andrew & Richard and we hope you all tune in from this Saturday!

Thanks to Maryjane Neumeister for her accompaniment to the recent Indoor Winter Olympics post!

Many thanks to David Jeffery-Hughes for his fantastic email.

"Hi Adam and Joe, in a recent Doctor Who episode I couldn't hear what the Doctor said. In one scene we thought he said TEXT THE NATION! so I recorded it for you.

PS I put it into the Text the nation Jingle too

David From Bristol"

We salute your efforts with Gold Medals to all Black Squadron members who took part in the Indoor Winter Olympics.

Whether you took part in down-hill skiing (down the stairs) or curling (on the kitchen floor), you're all winners!

If you would like to become part of the team, you can email your photos to [email protected] until this Saturday 16th January.

Well done for reporting for duty! You can email your photos anytime to [email protected] or text them (only between 10am and 1pm on Sat 9th Jan) to 64046. We'll put your photos up on this blog as soon as we can.

Black Squadron at the ready...

INDOOR WINTER OLYMPICS!

Adam & Joe may be away but that doesn't mean you are stood down! There will be a command as usual at 10.00 this Saturday 10th January, here on the blog.

Your mission will be to carry out that command and to provide photographic evidence to us at the Big British Castle. Cameras and phones at the ready!

More on the BBC Comedy Blog

Thanks to Anna, James and Dad in Wantage for their snow effigies of Adam and Joe.

You can see more 6 Music snow fun at Lauren Laverne's page here

They just keep coming... if you don't know what we're talking about then look here. And if you missed the first batch of listener remixes you can find them here. Thanks again for all your splendid efforts, there will be more posts on this subject so keep them coming!

Dear Adam and Joe, here's my attempt at "This Song Is Playing On The Radio", I thought I'd give the Aphex Twin/Warp Records glitch sound a go! All the sounds have been made from Adam's amazing vocals apart from the drums. Hope you like it! Alex Melia.

Hi Buckles and Cornballs, please find attached my contribution to the remixes. John Chambers from Wembley.

Oh hey there Joe and Adam, fancy meeting you here. I cooked you up a little treat, I hope you like it. Lots of love, Leo in Wimbledon.

Hello Adam and Joe, I took the two Radio Songs from your blog and had a go at making a short track with elements of both. I went a little crazy and I think that comes through in the resulting mega mix up. Hope you like it, love you bye!! Andy Martin.

Hey Trevor and Simon! I whipped up a crazy remix of your radio songs, I hope you like it. I listen to the podcast every week from Japan, it's a lorra lorra laughs blinda datea! Cheers, Mark France, Tokyo.