How to talk to your parents or carers about your GCSE results

GCSE results day can bring up all sorts of emotions, from nerves to excitement and a whole host of feelings in-between! Even if you are predicted to get amazing results, the expectation can weigh heavily on your shoulders, and if you don't do as well as you had hoped, then the disappointment can hit hard. With the whirlwind of emotions swirling around the big day, you may want some tips for how to tell your parents or carers about your grades.

We've spoken to Dr Sheila Redfern PHD, a clinical psychologist who works with teens and their parents and carers. Sheila has given us some results day tips and advice.

How to tell your parents or carers about your GCSE results

Sheila told us, "The first thing to remember is these are your results, and not your parents' or carers'. You don’t have to share your grades straight away, you might want to have a bit of time to process them. You might feel more comfortable speaking with your friends or a girlfriend/boyfriend about your grades, there is no rule that says you have to tell your parents or carers first. But it’s probably something you will want to share with them eventually."

"Secondly, if you don’t want your parents or carers to tell other people, or put your results on social media, then let them know clearly but with kindness that you would rather be the one to decide who knows about your results. These are your results to share with whoever you want to."

"When you are ready to tell people your results, make sure you find the right time and place. If your parents or carers have had a stressful day in work, for example, maybe save the conversation until they've had the chance to relax a little. If you are worried about how to start the conversation, you might prefer to write your feelings down and rehearse what you are going to say ahead of time. Take a deep breath, you've got this!"

Share your feelings

"Start with how you feel about the results, not with the actual grades. If you're feeling disappointed, let your parents or carers know, but if you feel you've done as well or better than you expected, say this before you give any actual grades. Tell them that you just want them to listen, but you don't want their input yet until you’re ready."

Prepare for results day with your parents or carers ahead of time

"Prepare yourself, and your parents or carers, a few days before GCSE results day. Find a time when you can talk to them about what you feel and why. For example, instead of just saying "I'm worried", try to find the words to let your them know what exactly you are worried about, e.g. disappointing people, or not getting into a specific college. This way, you are better prepared for results day yourself, and you've also had chance to talk about your feelings so your they can be prepared to support you, and have a better idea about what you need. It's better all round to manage expectations and for there to be no big surprises."

"It's also a good idea to speak to your parents or carers ahead of GCSE results day about your options after you get your results. Ask them for help if you're not sure what you will do if you don't get the results you want. They want to feel useful and if you let them know you'll need their help in advance, they can be prepared and are more likely to react in a way you want them to when you share your results."

"Remember that your loved ones want the best for you, but they might need your help to understand what you think is best for you, like going to college, starting an apprenticeship or staying on at school. If you know what you want, it’s important you tell them and don’t fall into doing something just to please them, especially if it doesn’t interest you."

Conversation starters for sharing your results

"Remember you have your own mind, thoughts and feelings, that are different from your parents or carers. It's ok to name this by saying something like, "I know you want me to do well and be happy, but I'm worried I will disappoint you. I might not have done as well as you want me to." This way, they are much more likely to get onto your level and understand how you feel. If you're feeling a bit lost, say something like, "I want you to help me work out what I do next, and I'm a bit lost." This is more likely to get them right on your side and make them feel useful and supportive."

"If your loved ones get angry or are really disappointed when you tell them your results, then give yourself some space away from them. Go for a walk, get some fresh air, and clear your head. They will hopefully calm down with a bit of time and will likely be more open to discussing your results once you return. If you are still finding the situation challenging and want some more support, we have links to get help at the bottom of this page."

Your results don't define you

"If your results have turned out as well or even better than you'd hoped for, still start with how you feel before you share your grades. Tell your parents or carers how happy you are with your results and that you've done extremely well and you feel proud of yourself. Remember they want to help you celebrate your achievements and share some of your excitement and happiness. Be clear and open about your feelings and your parents or carers will appreciate sharing in your success."

"If you haven’t done as well as you had hoped, there will still be options available to you, and it’s important to talk to your parents or carers so that they can support you in finding the right choices for your future. You’ve likely worked really hard over the past couple of years to get your GCSEs, but remember, your results don’t define you, so dust yourself off and work together with your parents or carers to make a plan for your next steps."

If you need support

You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.

If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

There are more links to helpful organisations on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page for young people.