Trying to fit in at secondary school can sometimes be tough, and you may feel under pressure to change your behaviours or values just to fit in with others. This is known as peer pressure, and it's never a fun thing to be a part of, but it's something that you may face during your time in school.
We asked some sixth form students who've all experienced peer pressure at school bout their experiences. Watch the video to find out what they had to say.
When I hear the phrase peer pressure, I kind of think about people asking you to do stuff you're not comfortable with, but it's way more than that. It's kind of like everyone around you is doing something and then you're the only one not doing it. So it's kind of weird if you're not doing it. So you have to join in.
Someone being forced to do something that they're not comfortable with.
So if you don't want to do something, don't do it.
I feel like peer pressure is something where you're being not forced, but influenced into something that you just don't really want to do.
The science nerd in me thinks about pressure. You are just a finite amount of area, and the more people there are, the more it forces and breaks you down. And that's the scary thing about pressure.
It's quite an uncomfortable feeling. You feel the need to do things because you feel friends are pressuring you, and because maybe it's a normalised thing in like what they do in their day to day lives. They want to implement that on you.
I'm quite independent, so I kind of do what I want to do.
I think a lot of what we do is to fit in. We need our little groups to kind of survive.
It's down to what I want to do. And with the group of people that I'm with, we can all come up with a collective decision and do what we want to do.
I think your peers are good and bad. I think we all are. And they will maybe suggest you to do good things, and they'll maybe suggest you to do bad things. And it's up to you to make the choice.
A couple of months ago, I got invited to go to a concert, but I don't really listen to that type of music and like, I don't think I'd fit in with the people who would go to those kind of concerts. So I did say no initially, but then they kept on asking me because they wanted me there.
At my old school, I heard that some girls being peer pressured into doing something that she didn't want to do, was throwing something across the class at another student.
I didn't end up going. I did tell my friends no. They did end up understanding. They were like, it's okay. Maybe next time, maybe a different concert.
She eventually gave in to the peer pressure and she threw it. And the teacher saw and she faced the consequences for that and not her friends. And that's another thing about peer pressure. You need to think about the consequences of your actions.
Proper friends wouldn't, like, keep on hassling you about something you really don't feel comfortable doing.
So sometimes you just have to say no.
You need to go with your gut. And even though it might be harder for you to say no in the moment, you'll feel better about yourself in the future.
You should always stand with yourself and respect your decision. Never feel guilty for doing something that you don't want to do.
If it's a positive thing maybe they're looking out for you, but if it's a negative thing, really think it through and think, is this really the right thing for me?
Just be yourself, because the best thing you can be is yourself. It's the only thing you know how to do is to be yourself. The most important thing you do in the world.
What is peer pressure?
Lewis says "I feel like peer pressure is something where you're being not forced, but influenced into something that you just don't really want to do." It can be hard to stand up to peer pressure, but in doing so you get to make your own decisions and live by your own values.
But how can you stand up to peer pressuring? Teacher Chloe Vethamony told us, "Be your own person. Consider what behaviours you feel comfortable with, stand your ground and don't feel pressurised into doing something you don't want to do." You can find more tips about saying no to peer pressure from Chloe here.
What to do when friendships change
You might find that your friendship group is peer pressuring you into doing something you don't want to do, Theodora told us that she was invited to a concert but didn't want to go as she didn't feel like she would fit in with the people there, "I did say no initially, but then they kept on asking me because they wanted me there." She says, "Proper friends wouldn't keep on hassling you about something you really don't feel comfortable doing."
It's quite normal for friendships to change throughout school, so if your current group of friends have changed their behaviour, then you could try and make friends with someone else. Chloe Vethamony says, "It's always good to have a mix of friends. I always say don't just hang on to one person or one friendship group", but she adds, "make sure you don't struggle with this on your own. If you do find you’re getting upset, do speak to a trusted adult for support."
You shouldn't do anything that you aren't comfortable with, or know is wrong. Holly says, "Never feel guilty for doing something that you don't want to do." Llinos adds, "Just be yourself, because the best thing you can be is yourself." You can find out more about what to do when faced with peer pressure here.
If you need support
You should always tell someone about the things you’re worried about. You can tell a friend, parent, guardian, teacher, or another trusted adult. If you're struggling with your mental health, going to your GP can be a good place to start to find help. Your GP can let you know what support is available to you, suggest different types of treatment and offer regular check-ups to see how you’re doing.
If you’re in need of in-the-moment support you can contact Childline, where you can speak to a counsellor. Their lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
There are more links to helpful organisations on the BBC Bitesize Action Line page for young people.
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