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 Wednesday 12th September 2007

I live in a world where meetings are the fodder of every day activity. People pitch their hardest to get their point across, to be the best; to help their project, customer or cause to be the best. But the best is yet to come and as I move from one meeting to another, catching one phone conversation to the next I fail to realise what lies ahead of me in the month of Ramadan. The doors to a spiritual retreat lie ahead and I'm not yet convinced that I have made the right preparations.

I manage a software business for IBM and it's an area where we see some very clever technical people bring a stream of constant change. I work in Central London, but live in Moseley, I gave up living in London as Birmingham has so much to offer.

I spent three years in South Africa for IBM and coming back to Birmingham, was… well… home. As I drive back into Birmingham on the eve of Ramadan I look up to the lightless sky and sense the serenity, I can almost taste it. Ramadan is here, have I got what it takes to make the changes I need to make? 

I ponder on what this month means to me and I want to take action on all those things that have been hung up in my closet of things to change. More engaged with the local community, quality time with my family and time to contemplate. But I need a result, I need a tangible when I know the effort I have put in will have brought me closer to my Creator: that sense of serenity is what I am searching for in this month.

Thursday 13th September 2007

My distractions are ever increasing, I have two executives over from the US who are here to 'assist' me in profiling what I am doing is successful and where we need more focus.

After our meeting we talk in detail about the state of Muslims in the UK, his intrigue and questions about Ramadan were enlightening to me. After my meetings I dash into the Bullring, I remember when this place was alive with market traders, and I expect the same hive of activity, but the place seems a little slower, maybe a little happier.

The people I walk past are all smiling, but I'm not smiling at them. Soon the contagious grin from the last person who smiled at me slides across my face and I find myself walking along New Street with a smile. I guess I'm starting to understand the phrase that a smile in life is charity.

Week commencing Monday 17th September 2007

I'm starting to get into the flow of the daily feeling of hunger. I'm no longer craving the cup of tea in the morning or wishing I was having a sarnie at lunchtime, however bring on the sunset.

Being stuck in meetings whilst everyone's drinking tea and coffee can be a bit frustrating and the odd glass of water wouldn't go amiss. But having very little food in my stomach does help me to focus and my mind seems to work in a more coherent fashion.

Streets in Birmingham seem to be getting a lot more chaotic and having the time to get to meetings slows me down a lot more. As the day progresses, I’m thinking about spending a bit more time with friends and family. Since everybody sits down to open their fast together, it's the only occasion that I do have quality time with my family. I feel like we are becoming a little closer, maybe I'm starting to see the benefits manifested from Ramadan.

The following day we go out for a business lunch and I'm asked as to why I'm not eating. I'm quite aware that this makes people feel uncomfortable so I choose to sit on one side of the table without causing unease. Having explained the reasons for my fasting, they continue with the meal. But when that dessert comes: that chocolate pudding smells so good! I do stop and ponder but.. because of the reason for my hunger I know I can hold off for a bit longer. Ramadan has given me this strength rather than to dive into it.. but then again, we are only human!

Ramadan is also the time of giving. Giving from ones' income, time, effort and energies. Whereas in previous years I would give to any charity without really knowing much about it, this year I am making the effort to find out more about the work of these charities.. almost like having a link with the charitable cause I wish to support.

On weekends I make a greater effort to partake in the communal prayers at the mosque. Due to the increased alertness, I'm spending a little more time focusing on the relationships I have with people.. more time talking about their own experiences of fasting. Everybody seems to be talking about fasting.

Some people are surprised, seeing it almost as cruelty that you can't even drink a glass of water. Other people are actually going out of their way and trying it. It’s interesting to see the experiences they have just because they are curious in seeing whether they can do it or not. And the people who seem to enjoy it the most are the ones who are adamant that they will never manage to fast during the whole day!

Week commencing Monday 24th September 2007

I'm getting up in the morning before sunrise and my mind isn't quite awake before the fast. To taste the burnt toast first thing in the morning doesn't necessarily fill me with joy for the rest of the day. For me the difficulty arises when I'm holding back from water. Although I can manage without food, the odd glass of water or cup of tea really do remind me of the philosophy behind fasting. I guess as long as I replenish my fluids during the end of the day and eat a balanced meal I'm pretty happy the way things are.

Wednesday 26th September 2007

We're on day 14 and most people are way in the thick of fasting. I am trying to make the prayers in the evening but again, given the schedule I think I've been quite neglectful. Unfortunately one of my lesser active Ramadans I'd say. I intend to pick it up over the next ten days to make sure I can make the most of the significant nights.

I am more relaxed. I've found a rhythm. The serenity comes in ways and a lot of it comes with the foods that I eat. If I eat heavier food it has a big effect on my temperament. I'd never noticed how food can affect one's spirit.

Eating hot and spicy foods fires me up like a rocket! On the other hand bland and mild food doesn't affect me in the same way. In terms of your temperament, your attitudes towards people and the amount you eat - you are what you eat. Fast food has a different meaning: it’s not about getting your food quickly, it’s about getting food for fasting.

Week ending 29th September

Where is the time going?

Week three is approaching rapidly, the fasting is giving me mood swings, not quite sure why, but the change of sleep patterns may have something to do with it. What is evident is how fasting has made me more aware of my temperament, I'm more aware of being grumpy or happy, my senses are more alert. As I progress through a typical day, the hunger starts to gnaw, but only late in the afternoon. It’s just enough to keep me at that point of being alert, opening fast any later would really affect my concentration. I see my fast as a blank canvass, as the day progresses, things I say or do leave an impression on the canvass for the day, the biggest impressions though, are made when I keep my temper under wraps or not get wound up by people who push my buttons.

Friday evening and I'm stuck in traffic, the dash to get back to Birmingham and open my fast with a home cooked meal. I look at the speedo and I realise I'm driving faster than I should, my impatience is kicking in. Ten miles away from Birmingham on the M40 and I slow for a traffic jam which snakes for a country mile. Twenty five minutes to break the fast, I think I can still make it home.

Fifteen minutes on and I still haven't moved, the carriageway on the opposite side has only just begun to move. We edge past the two drivers looking annoyed at each other that had caused the hold up, the rubber necking tendency is slowing things further. I promise myself I won't look, I won't slow down, I won't feed my need to nose. As soon as we pass the obstruction, everything flows again and the anger subsides. I don't make it back to Moseley in time, so I rely on an emergency supply of water and an apple to get me home. The simplest of foods provides the greatest energy, I can feel the water flowing through my system, the drought is over until tomorrow.

I look back at the week and ponder the things I wanted to do, to get done and places I wanted to go. I have replaced some of the negativity with some positives, this is what this month now means to me, getting rid of the negative from my body as well as my mind. To maintain that consistently - that will make my Ramadan. 

The last week

The approach to the end of Ramadan is tinged with a little sadness. It happens every year, the end to an otherwise challenging month, the gratification of making all 30 fasts is quite an achievement for young and old. I've always found it enjoyable to adjust to the new Ramadan routines; the interaction with different people in the mosques, the hightened self awareness, the thrill of tasting the first glass of water, only then do you realise it will all go and yet it all makes for a very entertaining month, include friends and family, a smattering of invites to break your fast at peoples houses and you realise how the social structure of Ramadan had kicked in.

What makes the last few days even more memorable is the build up to being able to enjoy some basic foods again. Imagine eating at anytime I want? The thought seems odd, but so many people have managed without food for the whole month and really benefited from the experience.

After this month I would like to change is my approach my calorie intensive and sugar coated life of restaurants and take-aways. One of the most important aspects of my fasting was the patience to hold out. I realised how easy it can be to reach out and grab a bar or a can of whatever and that’s feeding my whim.

But like every good friend the time to say goodbye has come. The final fasting hours and my only hope is to be here again next year. I only hope next time I keep a log of how the changes I made in my life have helped me during the year. I feel like I’m stood at the doorway of a new year and I can honestly say I think I am ready for it.