'We live 5,000 miles apart - but married after meeting in virtual reality'

Sam (pictured above) says VR allowed the couple to get to know each other without feeling self-conscious.

It was September 2020 and Ryan was just about to log off the online platform VR Chat when he decided to drop into one last world - a virtual environment that can range from a cosy café to an underwater utopia.

“I joined one random world - anyone could be in there and it was her,” Ryan, from Wolverhampton, says about meeting his future wife Sam, from California.

The pair hit it off and they didn’t let the ocean between them get in the way: “One of us would stay up all night just to talk to the other.”

The couple features on the new BBC show Unreal! With Olivia Neill, which sees TikTok star Olivia throw herself into different VR worlds - from speed dating to pole dancing - to see if we really can find love in the digital world.

To meet people in a VR world you just need an internet connection and a headset. From there, you can jump into online platforms, including those designed to meet new people.

You can change your avatar and location how you see fit. On the couple’s first encounter, Ryan looked like a fox in human form, while Sam went for an avatar with black hair that was “more emo”.

While you might not be able to see what someone really looks like in VR, you can hear their voice and, with the right equipment, feel their touch. 

This allowed the couple to get to know each other, without feeling self-conscious, they say. “I could feel more like myself, without worrying about how I look,” says Sam.

“It’s very much personality based. It's more how you feel about each other and act around each other,” Ryan adds.

While VR helped the couple connect, the reality of their physical distance quickly settled in. “I’d stay up ‘til 4:00 or 5:00 just to speak to her - then I’d sleep during the day and get up for work in the afternoon,” 25-year-old Ryan says.

After a year, the pair decided to move their relationship to the real world and Ryan flew 5,000 miles to meet Sam, 23, in the United States.

“It was the first time I ever flew by myself. It was scary, it was fun, it was exciting getting to meet her for the first time,” Ryan says.

Despite both feeling nervous, the pair hit it off and began sharing their VR relationship on TikTok. Ryan proposed in December 2022, with the pair getting married in February 2023 at a courthouse in California. “It's been a crazy ride, going from being in VR to being married. It’s a very surreal experience,” Ryan adds.

While VR can help spark a connection, translating that into the real world can prove tricky.

Despite getting married in February, Sam is still waiting for her visa to move in with her husband in the UK.

Having to live separately after getting married has been hard, Sam says. “I didn't want that to happen. It's just waiting - I just want to be over there with him.”

While people can feel comfortable in VR, dating coach Grace Lee says: “The question is, how would the confidence that we build in that setting translate into real life?”

Grace says that VR, like dating apps, can stop people making the effort in the real world: “A lot of people get stuck in this virtual space without ever meeting in person.”

Still, Grace says that VR is a “game changer” for date coaching. The relationship expert hosts dates in specially-designed VR environments, like a rooftop bar or campfire, and just like a real date, you can control the music and lighting to create a sense of atmosphere. 

Once the scene is set, the dating coach then prompts her clients with questions like, “What’s your favourite movie?” and records the interaction. Grace then plays the date back to clients to pinpoint areas of improvement, which she says has greatly improved their dating experience.

“I like to compare it to being a tennis coach. If I had an athlete, we would review past tapes, I would practice with that athlete and we would work on specific things. Then they would go into their next tournament, and I would be able to see what's happening,” Grace explains.

While Ryan and Sam say dating in VR is a great way to build an authentic connection they add that it’s important to know who you’re speaking to. 

Sam explains that she and Ryan had many FaceTime calls before they met in person. Her advice to people interested in dating in VR is to “try and have fun while you're doing it but also be safe as well in VR. There’s bad people in almost anything but it doesn’t hurt to try.”

This is something that dating expert James Preece reiterates, saying being self-aware online is important: “Remember your privacy. Don’t start giving away personal details. Use your common sense.

“If you do have a bad experience with somebody, then do report them, because there's always a report button on these apps for safety."

But, that shouldn’t deter you, Ryan says: “It’s surreal but you might meet new friends or the love of your life, you never know.”

You can watch Sam and Ryan in Unreal! With Olivia Neill on BBC iPlayer now.