This is why we hate public transport

And you thought people being rude in rush hour was bad...

We've all been there: your clothes are sticking to you with sweat, there’s at least five different body odours making you gag, and you’ve got a backpack in your face. Oh, and it’s only 8.33am.

Most city dwellers have stories about horrific commutes and humiliating moments during rush-hour – from tubing it with Public Space Invaders to forgetting about the collapsible seats and falling onto the carriage floor (hmm, just us?). But in summer months – with an added heatwave to contend with – they’re even worse.

It can even have a real effect on your personal wellbeing. An ONS study, external found that people who have to commute to work are more likely to be anxious, dissatisfied and feel their daily activities lack meaning, than people who don’t have to commute – even if they’re paid more.

It's no wonder when the scope of experiences you might have to endure range from ponytail pulling to naked protests.

So, to remind us that we're not alone with our nightmare journeys, here's a selection of your strangest, most bizarre, and downright shocking stories. 

“I was once on the tube coming home from work quite late at night. This guy, who looked pretty normal in his shirt and jeans, opened the door between the two carriages, while it was moving, and started urinating in between the tracks, which – FYI – could possibly electrocute you. He was really drunk – swaying all over the carriage – so loads of his wee also came trickling down the carriage I was sitting in.

"It was disgusting, and he didn't even warn anyone, but the craziest thing was that British people are so bloody polite that not one person said anything – or even looked up to catch my eye. I just sat there, lifting up my feet to make sure I didn't get any wee on them. Welcome to the Northern Line…” Ariella, 26

“I was running down the stairs and along the platform to catch my train at Kensal Green in North West London, which had just come into the station. It had been raining so everything was wet. As I stepped on the 'MIND THE GAP’ yellow line, I slipped. My legs flew up in the air, and, ironically, I went down the gap.

"I was a bit freaked out, but because there’s quite a large gap between the train and the platform, I just rolled to the side, as far away from the tracks as possible. I didn’t really have time to think – it all just felt surreal – but luckily, the train started to move so I just stayed still.

"When it was gone, a woman – who I’d run round earlier to try and get the train – pulled me up. People were still screaming and asking if I needed an ambulance, but I was fine: just a bit bruised and dirty. I was really embarrassed, so I just said, ‘That was weird’, and started reading the paper. Lesson learnt, though: take care in wet weather and, yeah, actually mind the gap.“ Rory, 33

“I was at Earl’s Court station and we were (you guessed it) on a packed train. A woman got on but she was practically hanging out the doors, so she started shouting, ‘Can you move down please? Please, can you move down? I can see a space there’. I looked to where she was pointing, and it was right beside me. But there actually wasn’t a space: there was a man with dwarfism standing next to me, and she just couldn’t see him.

"I didn’t know what to do so I just gave her a really awkward look. Eventually, she finally saw through the gap and saw the man. Everyone was mortified. They all avoided eye contact and just looked at the floor – while the poor guy just put his headphones in and pretended it wasn’t happening.” Jess, 29

“This morning on my train, a normal-looking guy on his way to work pulled out some Rice Krispies, a carton of milk, banana, bowl and cutlery from his bag for life. He then proceeded to make the biggest bowl of cereal I've ever seen (complete with sliced banana). My first reaction was one of total respect towards this incredibly hungry, diligent and 'who cares?' guy who'd decided to prepare and consume a child's breakfast on his train journey.

"But my respect quickly turned into rage when he spent what seemed like an eternity stirring it all together into some kind of magic paste, before slurping it down and loudly scraping his bowl. Once he was done, he cling-filmed the dregs, and returned them to the bag for life as if was the most normal thing in the entire world. Seriously, who are these people?” Ryan, 36

“Last week, when it felt like we’d reached peak heatwave, I was melting on the tube, leaning on a pole on my way back from work during rush hour. Suddenly, someone’s hand was on my back. I looked over my shoulder and saw a young woman. I wasn’t too bothered, thinking she probably needed it there for balance as our carriage was crammed.

"But then she dug her fingers in, and started elbowing me. It was annoying, because I couldn’t exactly move, but I chose to ignore her. I was too hot to call her out, plus I realised it was probably annoying that I was leaning on the pole in the first place.

"The digging-into-the-back continued for a few tube stops until one particular prod really hurt. I decided to lean back on her hand, so that she’d feel the pressure and know it was irritating me. In response, she yanked on my ponytail. At first I was shocked. It was so random – and unnecessary. I’d heard of people being rude on the tube, but you just don’t expect another girl to yank your hair.

"I spun around straight away, and said: ‘Did you just pull my hair?’ She denied it – and then conveniently jumped off at the next station. That’s when the people around me started clapping. Turns out, they’d witnessed her childish behaviour and welcomed her exit just as much as me. Their applause diffused my rage and we all started laughing.” Gaby, 28

"I was stuck on a packed commuter train traveling to work. I’d got on early and managed to bag a seat. Everyone’s eyes were down staring at their phones as usual, until suddenly the silence was broken by a loud shriek. An almost naked woman had suddenly landed in the lap of the man two rows in front of me.

"‘Give me your seat!’ she shouted, taking off her bra and waving it around her head. Then when he didn’t respond she clambered off him and onto the next row repeating her plea for a seat. There were red faces everywhere, some people were giggling, others were just staring with slack jaws. Her voice got louder as she explained she was staging a naked protest about overcrowding on trains. A quick glance down the carriage revealed a pile of clothes and a small placard by the luggage rack, which she had obviously abandoned while we had all been distracted by breakfast and emails.

"I had stopped finding it remotely funny by this point and was starting to worry that she might be unwell, when the conductor appeared, picked up her clothes and gently escorted her out of the carriage. While I’m glad I didn’t get an involuntary lap dance, I did feel she was owed some respect. It was certainly the most creative attempt to bag a seat I’ve ever seen." Laura, 25

Read more:

TFL have foiled a commuting trick and Londoners aren't happy

Seven of the world's wildest commutes 

This is what tube ads tell us about millennials

Originally published 2 August 2018