Things you wish you knew about divorce

Deciding to divorce is one of the biggest and most difficult decisions you will ever have to make. Family Lawyer Amanda McAlister joined us to share her tips and dispel some myths to help put some minds at rest if the whole thing seems overwhelming.

Note: Many aspects of the divorce process are different across the four nations of the UK. Where relevant, this has been highlighted in this article with appropriate links to information for each nation.

In England & Wales, the divorce process can be triggered by either you or your ex-partner via the Government portal

Amanda Says:

"Many people might be surprised to hear a divorce lawyer say this, but most people don't actually need a divorce lawyer to get a divorce. Under the new rules that came into effect in England and Wales in April 2022 which I've spoken about on the show previously, both of you or just one of you needs to log on to the Government portal and complete the steps to to apply for what's called a 'Conditional Order', it sounds crass to say this but it's as easy as applying for a passport. The only thing that the courts require you to do is wait for what they call a 'period of reflection' which is 20 weeks. The thing you should be using a lawyer for is to get advice on your circumstances, assets and finances, because what many people I speak to are unaware of is that when you trigger divorce proceedings, you're activating two processes, the divorce side and the financial side of things. Both of these processes need to be closed separately. I've known people get a final order for a divorce and panic when it comes through because their finances aren't wrapped up and they think they've missed the boat, it's simply not true, you can sort finances out long after your divorce comes through because all of that needs rubber stamping by a court in the same way your divorce does, but separately."

Access the Government portal here, external (England & Wales only)

For more information on how to start the divorce process in Scotland, click here, external

For more information on how to start the divorce process in Northern Ireland, click here, external

In England & Wales, divorcing triggers a finance case simultaneously. Both need to be resolved separately.

Amanda Says:

"Depending on your situation, this can be quite a long and complex process, but there are some catch all tips that I can give. Firstly, going back to what I said before about that 20 week waiting period while you wait for what's called a 'Conditional Order'. I'd recommend anyone starting divorce proceedings to trigger that process straight away, then you've got that record of that intention to divorce in with the courts and you can use that time to try and figure out how you'll resolve your financial situation. In most cases, it is advised that an application for a Final Order for divorce is only made once parties have concluded a financial settlement and a 'Financial Order' has been obtained, especially where pensions are involved. Parties are encouraged to come to an agreement in relation to splitting their finances as amicably as possible. If this is not possible, solicitors or mediators can help in reaching an agreement and if this is not successful, the matter can be referred to the Court to determine.

One final tip where finances are concerned is to play all of this with a straight bat, and what I mean by that is don't start trying to hide things i.e. transferring money to friends or family or burying things. If it gets contested by the other party, then the courts will just start to dig everything up and you'll come across untrustworthy, and that's the last thing you want if you're trying to defend your situation."

For more help and advice on the financial aspect of divorce for any of the four nations of the UK, access the Money Helper website here, external

Amanda Says:

"When it comes to deciding on staying or leaving, it's something people should take some time to think about carefully with a clear head because legally there's no difference between whether you choose to stay living there or choose to leave. I get so many people coming to me saying "I'm so desperate to get out of there, I'm sleeping on the sofa", because they wrongly think that if they leave, they'll lose their claim to the house. So if you're in that situation and you can afford to leave then it's fine to, however on the flip side if you're feeling pressured to leave or you've been told to leave by your ex-partner then you're well within your right to stay. You can't be forced to leave a marital home, and you can't force your spouse to leave either. For rental properties, if your ex-partner moves out and the house is in their name, you might be able to take over paying the rent. In England and Wales this is something you have the right to do. But in Scotland and Northern Ireland, it will depend on the tenancy agreement."

For more information on what happens to your home when you separate use the following links to Citizens Advice for each nation of the UK:

There are schemes in place that may help you pay for legal representation.

Amanda Says:

"People who might be the lower earner or the partner that didn't work may think that they automatically won't be able to get legal representation because they can't pay for it with the money they have, but there is help out there. In England, the first thing to consider is 'Litigation Funding', and this is essentially a type of borrowing, so if you've not got cash but you've got legal claim to assets, you could borrow money against them to fund your legal proceedings, and then the court will take this into account when they consider the settlement. If that's not an option, then you can apply for something called a 'Legal Services Order', and that is where an application can be made for your ex-spouse to be ordered to pay a lump sum towards your legal costs to fund your legal representation. It needs to evidence the pre-existing legal fees you require payment for and an estimate of the future legal costs. When considering whether to grant the Legal Services Payment Order the Court have to weigh up the financial circumstances of both you and your ex-spouse, considering the effect upon your ex-spouse if they are ordered to pay. The Court will also consider the nature of the proceedings and whether your conduct which has resulted in the legal costs incurred has been reasonable and whether you sought to negotiate your ex-spouse paying towards your legal costs prior to making the application."

Further advice on divorce and separation is available on the Citizens Advice website. Use the following links for each nation of the UK: