Estate agents we deserve?

No, I didn't watch that programme about estate agents the other night - I avoid such exposes because, unlike a good Agatha Christie, you know beforehand who done it. Let's face it, a fly-on-the-wall about honest estate agents would hardly make for good television.

Sure, the industry is riddled with bad apples (which isn't?) but there are honest estate agents out there. I'm one of them. You've just got to know what to look for. Don't be seduced by smooth talk, flash cars and sexy offices.

Ask yourself these fundamental questions: Does this guy really know what he is talking about? Does he have the experience to handle the sale of my most valuable asset? Do I believe that he will act in my best interests at all times?

I told him that fitted wardrobes in the front reception room hadn't made a three-bedroom house into a four-bed Paul Green, London Passionate about something? Tell us and you could be next week's columnist

In recent years the professionalism of estate agents has become of little consequence to many vendors. More often than not the first question I'm asked is "How much do you charge?" If I'm not prepared to match Mr One Percent down the road, I don't get a look in.

Forget the fact that I will work hard to ensure that I do sell the property for the best possible price, potentially getting you thousands of pounds more than an agent who will push you to accept the first offer that comes along, as he is not being sufficiently rewarded to do otherwise. You won't see me putting up a Sale Agreed sign within 24 hours.

Backhanders

Ah vendors, bless them. I had a call yesterday from one telling me he wants to withdraw the house from the market because "I'm not happy with the service". What he actually means is he's not happy that we haven't found him a buyer.

Undercover with estate agents Who can be an estate agent?

Anything to do with the fact that he insists we market it at 30,000 pounds more than we recommended? Perhaps he thought I was teasing when I told him that fitted wardrobes in the front reception room hadn't made a three-bedroom house into a four-bed.

I take my duty to obtain the best price for my client seriously, but performing miracles isn't one of them. It's all very well to accuse estate agents of over-valuing, but many vendors are happy to do that themselves. Anyway, a property is only worth what someone will pay for it.

I'm regularly offered incentives by buyers to get their low offer accepted. Just last week I was promised a 50 percent discount on getting my car serviced by a garage owner in a pork pie hat.

If I had accepted the numerous brown envelopes of folding stuff from "developers" after a bargain, my car wouldn't make Mr Pork Pie assume that his offer might be tempting.

But I have never been tempted. Believe it or not, my reward is seeing your happy, smiling faces when the deal goes through to everyone's satisfaction. Oh... and the occasional box of chocolates.

A little consideration

It's increasingly common for buyers and sellers to get together behind the agent's back to strike a deal. The seller saves the commission, the buyer gets a lower figure agreed as a consequence.

Which? set up this fake business - and had takers

Never mind the effort and expense we have put in to finding them that buyer. Never mind that we could get them a better offer. Never mind that I have a mortgage to pay and kids to feed.

You expect a certain standard of ethics from your estate agent; it would be jolly nice if we were extended the same courtesy.

Buying and selling a house can, without a doubt, be a stressful experience. Find yourself a good, honest and experienced estate agent who will hold your hand and guide you through the transaction and you'll never need to lie in a bath of essential oils again. Trust me. I'm an estate agent.

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