AWARD FOR LIFETIME SERVICE EastEnders' Tracey (background) - quietly serving for 20 years

They may share the screen with TV's biggest stars but the script demands that they are seen and not heard.

As Ricky Gervais' new comedy Extras shines the spotlight on "background artistes", one-time extra John Hand (whose right elbow can be seen in Spiceworld: The Movie) spent a week rating the efforts of those who provide the human landscape on TV's biggest shows.

AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR This mouthy aikido fan could take on the whole Beale clan

Army of thousands? Yes, almost literally. In market scenes, I gave up counting after 40 extras, while the pub and cafe are equally busy. The only place where no extras appear is in the launderette - perhaps everyone pays for Pauline's service washes.

Costume drama? Generally it's everyday East End fashion. But noticeably all the extras appearing at the Beale family's aikido class are all perfectly kitted out, even if Ian and co are not.

Scene stealer? The same teenage girl is seen walking past the Millers' house with one male companion, a little later in the market with another consort and then again crossing the square chatting conspiratorially with a female friend. Could it be that Alfie/Kat/Mo is not Albert Square's only love triangle?

Lights, camera, interaction? Superb acting from one young boy when Peter Beale is chosen ahead of him to demonstrate an aikido exercise. Presumably told to act "frustrated", he barely disguises his disgust at this snub and even seems to mouth an obscenity!

AWARD FOR BEST COSTUME Understated at Underworld - Danny Baldwin's silent employee

Army of thousands? Compared to EastEnders, there's a minimal number of extras who get to tread the famous cobbles. Even the Rovers' Return doesn't seem particularly busy.

Scene stealer? Ever wondered how Baldwin's underwear factory maintains its high output when Sean, Janice and co spend all day gossiping? Well keep a keen eye out for the other factory staff who quietly get the work done but never join the Rovers' drinking sessions. Busiest of all is a young woman who seems particularly loyal to the Underworld product range - wearing a white camisole-style top for her shift.

Lights, camera, interaction? Is that the same woman who passes Fred Elliott outside the butchers' shop and later watches in the park as he trains Ashley for his boxing bout? I say, does Fred have a stalker?

AWARD FOR BEST MAKE-UP The on-set catering budget was blown on this food-covered pair

Army of thousands? Good chance for teenagers to get on screen, as most of the extras play friends of Malcolm and his dysfunctional family.

Costume drama? Typical US teenage outfits - these kids may well have just rolled up from their own backyard.

Scene stealers? The two kids playing a younger Malcolm and Rhys in a flashback to a messy Thankgiving dinner, where their role is to sit at the table covered in food. I suspect that's not how their parents envisaged seeing them on TV.

AWARD FOR BEST SUB-PLOT 'Ello, 'ello', 'ello, what's going on in the background, officers?

Army of thousands? A constant stream of people passing through the background of every shot. Are hospital wards ever this busy?

Costume drama? Typically for a medical drama, there's no shortage of nurses' uniforms, fluorescently dressed paramedics and doctors in crisp white coats.

Scene stealers: Sometimes background characters hint at a better storyline than the one we are seeing in the foreground. I was certainly more interested in why those two police officers were walking through the ward than I was in Owen's communication problems with his sulky teenage daughter.

AWARD FOR BEST DIALOGUE Two words encapsulated all the legal advice he could offer

Army of thousands? This is a dramatic tale about the murder of a professional footballer so there are hundreds of extras - passers-by gawping at the murder scene, journalists chasing the story, police officers being briefed and debriefed, as well as fans attending a football match.

Costume drama? The dressing-up box has been well and truly raided: police uniforms, men in white coats at the pathology lab, even a pub full of authentically dressed football hooligans.

Scene stealer: The best role for an extra in a murder drama is always the corpse but that's been bagged by former EastEnders star Jack Ryder. But at least there's loads of silent, thoughtful lawyers for the background artistes to portray. And one earns the extras' Holy Grail - a short line - as he urges his client to "calm down" in a police interrogation.

AWARD FOR BEST TORSO SHOT Anyone recognise themselves behind the sofa-hogging stars?

Army of thousands? Another show with hundreds in the background. The Central Perk coffee shop may seem like the coolest place for a TV extra to be seen but there's a cruel twist - because the characters spend so much time on their favourite sofa, you rarely see more than the waistlines of those providing the background action.

Costume drama? This episode is The One In Barbados so the extras are either dressed in lurid Hawaiian-style shirts or the ghastly orange uniform of the hotel's staff.

Scene stealer? A blonde woman seen behind Joey and Rachel in the hotel bar flirts very convincingly with a fellow extra, looking intently into his eyes and slowly stirring her drink like a true Hollywood femme fatale.

Lights, camera, interaction? Nobody gets to interact with the famous six (it's probably in the contract), but when Phoebe's fiance Mike arrives, the extra playing the hotel manager stares at him, stares at Phoebe and then makes an intense looking phone call on his mobile.

AWARD FOR BEST DEATH Ben was destined never to be a Summer Bay extra again

Army of thousands? As this is one of the few TV shows that has actively recruited its star actors from among the ranks of its extras, there is always an army of good-looking young things milling about in the background hoping for a big break.

Costume drama? Summer Bay usually seems to be exclusively populated by sunkissed bikini-wearers. But given today's episode is about the aftermath of a seaplane crash, the extras are kitted out in the rescue squad's red waterproofs.

Scene stealer: Pilot Ben's only on-screen appearance sees him "playing dead" to perfection as he is pulled from the wreckage of his cockpit. Minutes later, he is covered by a blanket, never to be seen again. Such is the fate of the extra.

EXTRA OSCARS: BEST ACTRESS After Diaz and Aniston - Ben Stiller's latest female co-star

Army of thousands? Subverting the usual rules, this episode about Hollywood star Ben Stiller directing a Bosnian war movie has the main stars playing the extras and the extras playing actors in the film. Confused already?

Scene stealer: The woman shoved aside from her seat by Gervais' character Andy Millman gives him a dirty look that speaks volumes.