GOING LOCO Going Loco is a hunt for your bizarre tales from the railways Send your story at the bottom of this page

Your e-mails have been pouring into the Going Loco nerve centre, many asking what happens in places like India, where heat is a constant factor.

The answer is that grotesquely overcrowded trains with no creature comforts crawl along, stopping for hours on end with no explanation. In fact, not much different from us.

As one user rightly pointed out, rail buckling does occur, and it's better to slow down than be derailed.

Sometimes though, there's just no second-guessing the sort of excuses passengers are subjected to. Such as this:

I was late for college on several occasions, thanks to dear old South West Trains and each of the following: swans on the line, a bull on the line, horses on the line and sniffer dogs on the track. Not all at once, I hasten to add. And I should explain that my route went through the New Forest and over the estuary at Totton.
Deborah Metters

If it's not animals, it's insects! Yes, believe it or not, even a tiny invertebrate can wreak havoc.

I was held up for about 40 minutes on the Inter City from London - eventually the driver announced that the delay was because they were washing dead insects off the windscreen. I rather got the impression from his tone of voice that he was pleased to be adding yet another excuse to the railway's long list.
Simon

It's a bug's life, this commuting.

Also in the Good Excuses category, from some years back...

We are sorry to announce the cancellation of the 0723 to Leeds this is due to a excess of weeds in the track.
J Perkin (ex-BR)

I'm very grateful to the contributor of this:

One day at Crewe, the announcer was calmly saying "all trains running south are delayed due to, err..." and then somebody else (presumably a signalman, not realising exactly how sensitive the microphone was) shouted out "Because another ****'ing freight train has broken down". The announcer then continued calmly "due to a failed freight train on the mainline". It made everyone on the platform chuckle and realise in fact there are often genuine issues behind the apologies.
Chris Huntingford

Refreshingly down-to-Earth language was also heard by Paul, who explains the announcement...

"We apologise for the delay. This is due to a bloody cock-up." Everybody simply looked at each other and accepted it as probably the best and most honest explanation of the rail system!
Paul

I get many responses from abroad, and here's one from Melbourne, Australia, where they know a thing or two about warm weather.

With regard to the current stories on the web page - out here trains really DO get stopped when the rails get too hot. With air temperatures at or near 50C in summer heat buckling is a real problem. Partial solution? They paint the rails white to reflect the heat!
Rick Squirrell

Those canny Ozzies. Meanwhile, a (smug) expat writes:

As I now live in Switzerland, I can only marvel at how the British commuter can tolerate journeys to work on a system as bad as that which I endured between 1987 and 1997. To have days of travel with no light nor heat, at a snail's pace, because of a bit of snow, is laughable. With leaves on the line, cows on the line (yes, Chelmsford, 1988) and, once, a dumper truck (that fell from the building site at Liverpool Street), I am grateful to BR and its successors for the humour it inadvertently brought to my life at the time.
Chris Bunting

Back to animal behaviour.

Where do I begin? Over the years, I've had the rain, the wind, the snow and just about everything else nature has to offer, given as an excuse. One of the most bizarre was a late running Clapham Junction to Basingstoke service that was delayed due to hamsters. They'd escaped from a box in the luggage car.
Andy

I once boarded an early morning Connex commuter train from Honor Oak Park to London Cannon St which came to a halt 30 seconds after leaving the station. After a wait of over half an hour, we were told that the delay was due to a dead badger on the track!
Lee Yeomans

I'll leave you with this real shocker. I apologise if you find it upsetting, but sometimes it's best to confront these things head on.

Once, many moons ago. My train was on time, the train was clean and tidy, the staff where courteous and we arrived at our destination without any delay. It was so long ago that sometimes seems like a dream!
Martyn Haynes

After that, I need to lay down in a cool dark room.

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