Help offered to bereaved children

The ribbon spirals symbolise children's hopes for the future

When a child loses a parent, relative or sibling, it is extremely traumatic for them. But how are they affected at Christmas?

A new service in Nottinghamshire, Spiral, which is specifically for bereaved children, is hoping it will be able to offer help and advice.

The service estimates that 53 children lose a parent or sibling each day in Nottinghamshire.

Spiral's co-ordinator Angela Cheadle says Christmas is a difficult time.

She said: "We often help with children whose parents or siblings have died suddenly - in a car crash, or have taken their own lives, or been a victim of murder.

"It will be different for every child... but Christmas can bring its own issues.

"Often it will be the first Christmas without that special person and it can be a trigger for emotions. It is difficult for families because do they do Christmas the same without that person? And children still like Christmas so it's finding the right balance."

I soldiered on and the kids soldiered on with the help of friends

Brenda Baxter, mother and widow

In these tragic circumstances, practicalities also have to be thought about. Families can suddenly find their incomes drop by half, so how do parents explain this to children when presents are still expected?

For one family, Family Care, the charity that runs Spiral in Nottingham, provided a lifeline last Christmas.

Stacey Syson, 22, the eldest of seven children, said she had no idea how to help her brothers and sisters when her father died suddenly in 2007.

"It really helps knowing someone is there to help us. Just knowing that Angela is on the end of the phone is very comforting."

Ms Cheadle has helped two of Stacey's sisters make memory books to help them remember their father in a positive way, and she also went round with presents for the children.

Preventative care

With the new support phone line starting, Ms Cheadle hopes the organisation can now also begin to help children cope with parents or siblings who have a terminal illness.

"This new service will hopefully play a part in preventative care. If families bring us in as early as possible, we can help them prepare for the worst.

"If kids have had no ending, they can really struggle. They can go into anger mode or bottle it all up, or might not want to talk to family members for fear it would upset them.

"We're going that extra mile and kids know you're doing it for them."

Organisers have been working on trying to get a specialist children's bereavement service established in Nottinghamshire since 1998 but it was only after Brenda Baxter, 53, read a newspaper article about MacMillian Cancer Care funding a similar service in Bury that the project took shape.

With her own experience of losing her husband suddenly in 1998 and left to bring up three children on her own, Mrs Baxter believed she saw a way of helping other families.

"Clive died in 1998 on St George's Day. He was 44, I was 43 and we had three kids, Luke, 13, Megan, 9 and Ben, 7.

"There was no preparation, it was so sudden and an awful situation. I soldiered on and the kids soldiered on with the help of friends but there comes a point where you can't keep asking.

"I went to my GP for help and asked if there was anyone I could talk to about this. He simply said "No, there's nothing"."

In 2005 Mrs Baxter read an article in a newspaper which put her on a path to potentially helping hundreds of children.

Having worked in social services for several years, she knew about the charity Family Care and the general help they offered. Many phone calls and meetings later, she brought MacMillan Cancer Care and Family Care together to work out the practicalities of setting up Spiral.