"Lad" mags have been a phenomenon

Although the middle shelves of UK newsagents now groan under the weight of numerous men's magazines, three of the most likely "lads" on the block are:

• FHM - "For Him Magazine." Circulation 700,000 approx. 338 pages

• Loaded - "For men who should know better." Circulation 370,000 approx. 210 pages.

• Front - "The mag with more sauce, of course!" Circulation 140,000 approx. 162 pages.

Who are this month's role models?

Peter Stringfellow: Front's poetic hero

• FHM - Mr Sewell says "lads" don't aspire to be chess champions. FHM has a Q&A feature with grandmaster Garry Kasparov. It asks if he's ever had a hangover or punched an opponent during a game. He hasn't.

• Loaded - In a poll which won't please Downing Street, 16-year-old Euan Blair is crowned "King Rogue" for his recent public drunkenness.

• Front - September's "Front Hero" is night club (and table-dancing club) owner Peter Stringfellow. The 60-year-old does admit his intellectual yearnings: "People say I sound like a poet - I wish I was."

Much time for intellectuals?

"I want to be like you when I grow up, sir."

• FHM - Lads are encouraged to become teachers. The profession is included in the feature "16 ways to skive through your live", thanks to the long school holidays and "innumerable coffee breaks" teachers are said to enjoy.

• Loaded - In a film review, the celebrated Argentine poet, essayist, and short-story writer Jorge Luis Borges is curtly described as an "Argie intellectual".

• Front - An Australian computer scientist and university lecturer is derided in the magazine's "Geek of the Month" slot. Readers are encouraged to visit, and presumably mock, his trainspotting website.

Literary criticism?

"I prefer Joan Collins' narrative flow to that of Jackie."

• FHM - Book reviews include the memoirs of an ex-SAS soldier turned bodyguard ("purely average") and a historical account of Viking voyages - exploding the "myth" of horned helmets.

• Loaded - The publication's most ringing endorsement is saved for the already familiar Hollywood Wives by Jackie Collins.

  That said, even the Independent newspaper agrees the often mocked novel has its merits. "Some bad books are genuinely brilliant."

• Front - The top selection this month is Rumour Fuelled Society :"Sex, drugs, fast cars and violence in a tidy little rectangular package."

Much time for culture?

"It's called Dancer in the Dark. How's the art class?"

• FHM - The critically-acclaimed film Time Code is said to be "enthralling".

• Loaded - Though preferring car theft flick Gone in 60 Seconds, Time Code is given eight out of 10.

• Front - The Palme d'Or-winning Dancer in the Dark is recommended as a film ideal for a date with "the fit bird from art class who you've no idea how to impress".

Sprinkled with long words?

Keeping up with Jones: Vinnie is a lad icon

• FHM - Uses "avuncular" and "prosthetic".

• Loaded - "Hedonist" crops up on most pages. The longest word used is undoubtedly "Schwarzenegger".

• Front - The magazine's title is one of the longest words you'll come across. "Uzi" is a favourite. Most words hover around the four-letter mark.

Pictures of Vinnie Jones, hard-man-footballer-turned-hard-man-actor.

• FHM - Seven

• Loaded - Six

• Front - Two

Lessons to learn?

Looking back: Idi Amin in FHM

• FHM - Articles on the Ugandan despot Idi Amin, overfishing and the Birdseye freezing process.

• Loaded - The staff throw history to the wind and dress up as pirates on a 19th Century schooner. Also the puzzling revelation that British comic actor Bernard Cribbins is still alive.

• Front - History? Raquel Welch is the subject of this month's look at the past. Plus a near pornographic article about sperm banks.