Long tours away from family can take their toll

Just under 4,000 spouses of serving Army, air force and navy personnel responded to a survey between February and September last year.

The survey included questions on how their lives compared with those of their non-service friends, whether married life was how they expected and their attitude to welfare services and children's education.

With British troops stationed in Iraq since 2003 and Afghanistan for longer, as well as commitments around the world such as peacekeeping, families are feeling the strain, according to the survey.

"It's getting a lot harder now," says Alison, the wife of a lieutenant colonel for 16 years.

It's the uncertainty now which comes from the housing situation. Alison Married to a lieutenant colonel

With her husband about to take up another posting, her family will be making their fifth house move in four years, which included moving from Canada to Germany and back to the UK.

Their 12-year-old son is starting his second year at boarding school - a decision he made himself - but Alison will have to find a new school for their seven-year-old daughter.

She acknowledges that the Army has always involved moving about and inconvenience - "serving soldiers' spouses don't mind that at all. I think it's the uncertainty now which comes from the housing situation."

In the Army survey, 46% thought their housing met their needs well or very well, as against 22% who did not.

However, 13% complained that their accommodation had "liveability" problems such as damp or vermin.

Alison explains the family had no military housing available when they moved back to the UK, and had to find a private rental property - which the government then pays rent for. Their next posting, still in the UK, will also involve searching for private rental.

But Alison is not complaining about the quality of housing - private rentals are usually better than the much-maligned military housing, but she stresses it is the uncertainty.

Improvements are due for Army accommodation

"I have seven weeks to plan a move from one end of the country to the other which is involving removal companies, a new school for my daughter and find a house that is suitable for us to live in which is close enough for where my husband is going to work.

"It's a stressful time."

But has this stress ever driven her to persuade her husband to leave the Army?

In the Army survey, 45% of officers' spouses and 39% of soldiers' spouses said they had "very often" or "often" discussed leaving the Army with their spouse.

And 20% of officers' spouses and 15% of soldiers' spouses had often or occasionally put pressure on their partners to leave.

While Alison has not explicitly said to her husband to leave the Army, she is aware that the skills he has gained in his 21-year career could be useful in the civilian world.

Tempting offers

"There are offers being put on the table from companies for people like himself and it's very tempting."

Previously they had discussed such offers and compared them to the "life experiences" they had had as part of the Army, she said.

"And they have been great. There's no denying that at all.

"My children have lived in wonderful places, met lots and lots of different people and learnt different things. However, now the uncertainty involved with every move that you do means that it's too much pressure now.

"Although I haven't outrightly said 'this is it, this is the end of your army career' I am encouraging him to look elsewhere now."

The survey also suggested that one third of spouses felt their lives were "worse" than their friends who were not married to Army personnel.

Other findings included that 43% of officers' spouses and 35% of soldiers' wives strongly agreed that the Army lifestyle limits the choices they can make.

The person who is serving gets all the adrenaline, the excitement and the opportunity and the training. That's not what the family gets Sue Freeth British Legion

Among the partners of private soldiers and non-commissioned officers, almost one-in-four, 24%, said that the experience of being married to a soldier was worse than they expected - in 3% of cases it was much worse.

The intense military activity of the past few years has resulted in increased calls for help from service families, said the director of welfare at the British Legion, Sue Freeth.

In the survey nearly half, 46%, complained that their partners were deployed on operational tours too frequently.

Ms Freeth said: "[We're seeing] all sorts of different situations, such as people who have already unfortunately separated, of partners coming back and just not connecting with the family. That has an impact on people."

She said people were prepared for the bigger sacrifices that military life can ultimately lead to, but daily life was hard for those left behind during tours.

"The person who is serving gets all the adrenaline, the excitement and the opportunity and the training.

"That's not what the family gets - the family gets the dislocation, the family often gets the long periods of not being in contact and increased pressures on daily life that all of us our getting."

She said accommodation was a concern to people.

"If you're actually sitting in it and not able to do anything about it and have no support to do anything about it and no-one really to talk to then you're going to feel even more frustrated."