Rod and Howard: Seeking equal rights

Rod, 60, is a retired Inland Revenue Tax Inspector. Howard, 50, was a teacher and is now a senior manager in local government. They have been together for 25 years - and explain what the change would mean for them.

We have been lucky to have the strong support of friends and family and have spent a very happy and fulfilling 25 years together.

But we recognise that circumstances don't make it easy for every gay couple and we have had our share of difficulties.

When one of us was in hospital for the first time some years ago, the other felt that he had to say that he was the brother to forestall any problems over his right to be present and to take part in medical decisions

Seventeen years ago we were one of the first gay male couples to foster a young teenager and it was not an easy process.

No-one has the right to foster children but we fought hard for the right to be assessed like any other couple.

We had to overcome very strong opposition - not from the social workers who made the assessment as to whether we were decent, caring and capable people, but from politicians on the fostering and adoption panel.

But we were fortunate that things worked out well in the end with the borough eventually being very helpful. Today, our foster son is now married and we are close to him and his new family.

Hospital visit

Despite some advances over the 25 years we have known each other, same-sex couples still face major areas of discrimination.

For instance, many people do not realise that gay couples have no next of kin rights and hospital staff can insist on only dealing with the legal next of kin.

It was heart-breaking to witness the hurdles and disappointments our friends faced while trying to prove their partnership was real

This can be devastating at a time of great anxiety for both parties.

When one of us was in hospital for the first time some years ago, the other felt that he had to say that he was the brother to forestall any problems over his right to be present and to take part in medical decisions.

When the present legal next of kin is a 78-year-old mother who has her own health problems, she does not expect to have to make medical decisions when her son has a partner whom she trusts and loves.

More recently when one of us had to undergo quite a serious operation, we made out a living will which was presented to the doctor and the charge nurse so that we could feel more relaxed and in control.

During what was a difficult time for the pair of us, we relied upon - and benefited from - the common sense and professionalism of NHS staff. But it would have been good to know that we had rights enshrined in law rather than good will.

Jumping hurdles

A few years ago a friend of ours met and fell in love with an Australian man who was here in London on a two-year working visa.

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It was heart-breaking to witness the hurdles they had to jump through and the disappointments they faced while trying to prove their partnership was real and for one of them to seek the right to remain resident.

The irony was that it would have been far easier if they had met in Australia.

How much more acceptable it would have been to have fallen in love and been able to register the partnership in the same way that a heterosexual couple could have done in a local registry office.

All that would have then been required would have been the acceptable tests applied to any British citizen marrying a foreign partner.

Financial security

Gay couples have no right to receive a surviving spouse's pension if one partner dies and this is a considerable inequality.

It amazes us that we can take out joint annual travel insurance and to benefit from other 'couple' discounts but the government has failed to recognise the validity of our partnership

Both of us have made substantial pension contributions over many years which for a heterosexual couple would help pay for a surviving spouse's pension.

We are not entitled to receive anything as a surviving partner despite paying at the same rate as a married couple.

With the rise in property prices inheritance tax is another area where same-sex couples are discriminated against.

At present, a spouse who is a surviving beneficiary receives very substantial relief against inheritance tax. This is not available to same-sex surviving partners.

One of us could face a large tax bill on the death of the other which combined with the discriminatory pension arrangements could result in the sale of our home.

It amazes us at times that the commercial sector will allow us to take out joint annual travel insurance and to benefit from other "couple" discounts, but so far the government has failed to recognise the validity of our partnership.

Thankfully we have legislation which outlaws race and gender discrimination. Who would have thought that by 2003 we would still be waiting as a gay couple for protection of our basic human rights in this form.

So it's no fun being the last bastion of acceptable prejudice - and a change in the law this year as we reach our 25th anniversary would be a real cause for celebration.

We love Britain and the opportunities it has afforded us. We now want to be able to feel proud of the way it treats its gay citizens."