By Jonathan Duffy BBC News Online

Christmas is about family. But as any child of divorced parents knows, you need the patience of a saint and diplomatic skills that would put Kofi Annan to shame. If your parents are among the 150,000 or so couples who get divorced every year, you'll know how the festive spirit can quickly dry up.

Christmas is about family. Ok, it's really supposed to be about Jesus, but these days the profile of mankind's disputed saviour lurks somewhere beneath Del Boy, Rodney and 007.

In adverts and shop windows, on greetings cards and television trailers, scenes of yuletide domestic bliss abound.

If only every family could be like this

However, such scenarios are lost on the thousands of offspring whose parents have decided to pack in that marriage malarkey and go their separate ways.

For those of formative years, this can be a traumatic, harrowing and downright miserable time.

The bad news is that as you get older, it doesn't get any easier.

In fact, it just gets worse, says Alice Winkley, a seasoned sufferer of what might be termed Divorced Parents Syndrome.

Your call

The problem is this: now that you're old enough to plan Christmas for yourself, how are you going to divide your time between your folks? The decision no longer rests with them - it's up to you.

Who will be alone on Christmas Day: mum or dad?

"The easiest point was when you're in that teenage phase and you don't really care if you offend one side or the other," says Alice, 29, whose parents separated when she was six.

"As you get older you start to understand the implications; the importance of spending time with mum and dad and the significance of being with them for Christmas."

This is the first year Alice will be hosting Christmas at her place - so instead of deciding which parent to go to, the new dilemma is which parent to invite.

Repeats and re-runs

She has decided to come down on the maternal side of the fence. And the result? Yet more guilt.

If both parents are invited, hide the mistletoe

The upshot is one that will be familiar to many of those afflicted by DPS - the opportunity to "celebrate" Christmas twice: once on the 25th and a re-run the following day with "second choice parent" (ouch!).

If you add step-parents and their families into the brew, the swirl of emotions and risk of causing offence multiplies several fold.

But are there any tips that could help smooth over this rocky, though well-trodden, path?

Festive shuffle

Christine Northam, a counsellor with the relationship advice group Relate, recognises the potential minefield that is Christmas with divorced parents.

On the plus side... you get double the presents

"You find yourself having to spend more time with your parents, because you've got to see them individually and not together," says Ms Northam.

"You might have to leap in the car and go from dad's to mum's; and you'll find yourself staying over night.

"It comes down to a huge amount of logistical shuffling and it can be very stressful."

The golden rules are to be flexible and "good communication".

"Be open and honest with the rest of your family. Ask them to suggest solutions rather than feel you've got to find the compromise every time."

Bleak outlook

Meanwhile, it looks like things are going to get worse before they get better for the likes of Alice, who has summoned up a nightmare future scenario of parents and grandchildren.

"What's going to happen then? They're both going to want to see their grandchildren at Christmas. I think we'll have to have two sittings for mum and dad and let the first lot out the back door and the second lot arrive."

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Some of your comments so far:

Not only do I have my own, divorced parents to deal with every Christmas but my wife's as well. With four sets of parents and their other halves, it's a recipe for disaster! Now we have our own daughter we have decided that they have to get along with each other for her sake.
James, UK

When our parents got divorced a few years ago I foresaw the problems ahead, so one of the first "laws" I laid out to both of them was that Christmas would ALWAYS be split one year Mum, next year Dad etc. Then Boxing Day becomes Xmas II "The revenge" with the other parent. Luckily, last year when my mother's partner had died that year, Xmas fell with her; maybe a change would have happened otherwise! Advice for anyone out there with DPS, don't eat too much on Xmas Day #I or you'll create problems!
Jonathan Seyghal, UK

Both my partner and I have divorced parents, so quite a few years ago we decided that we would not spend Christmas Day with any of them - instead we spend it with friends. We then go and see each parent and spend time with them during the rest of the festive break - this means no favouritism and no guilt!
David King, United Kingdom

I'm so glad to see this is being recognised as a real bone of contention - I thought it was just me! My parents split 15 years ago, and every year since, I've spent the precious few days off for Christmas travelling to opposite ends of the country, at unsociable hours, to try and please everyone. Result: by New Year, I arrive home, go straight back to work, not having had time to relax at all, having spent a fortune on travel, and feeling thoroughly miserable. I've learnt to HATE Christmas. Isn't that sad?
Chris, UK

Every year it's the same: go to Mum's, then Dad's in a mood until next year. And vice versa. My solution is to go to neither! I now spend Christmas pleasing myself, not my parents!
Jamie N, England

The article assumes that the divorced parents cannot be in the same room together. When my wife and I separated / divorced, we continued to share the Xmas role, with Christmas Day shared together but one at my house (with me cooking Xmas lunch) and the next at theirs. When new partners came on the scene, the children happily split their day between the respective homes. I appreciate that many divorced couples are "at daggers drawn" with each other, but it is not so with all of us!.
Brent Tapscott, U.K.

Let's face it, if you are a dad who has been separated from your children by divorce, Christmas is a pretty damn miserable time anyway. I'd love my daughter to see me at Christmas, but her mother and mother's new partner won't let her. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to ask where her Christmases with dad went!
David, England

Are divorced parents stressing you out this Christmas?

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