For people who feel excessive shyness, it's very painful and debilitating

Elizabeth Morris

So the news that scientists claim to have developed a pill which would "cure" shyness may be a breakthrough for some of society's most retiring folk.

Tests on Escitalopram are having positive results, the organisers say, and the drug appears to have helped people who are terrified from doing something as simple as going to the pub.

But popping pills is only one of the ways that people can tackle their fears.

Fighting fear online

As a back-up for the old-fangled method of counselling, a program called FearFighter is now in regular use at the NHS Stress Self-Help Clinic attached to Imperial College London.

One question FearFighter asks participants

The programme, developed at the Maudsley Hospital, takes participants through various screens, giving them prompts and asking the kinds of questions they might be asked in more conventional therapy. Therapists work in tandem with the machine, so it helps them treat patients more efficiently rather than being a replacement for humans.

FearFighter is now available online, which has proved useful for people suffering other problems, such as agoraphobics who would find it difficult to get to a clinic.

About 150 people have so far used the program. Mark Kenwright, manager of the Stress Self-Help Clinic, says results can be seen within a couple of months.

"The big advantage is that it improves accessibility. It takes away a lot of the stigma. A lot of people are reluctant to take their problem to a GP and be referred to a mental health specialist. And often even if they do, there's a long waiting list," he says.

Solvable problem

Psychologist Elizabeth Morris, who runs the Self Esteem Advisory Service, says although a lot of people feel self-conscious, it's usually nothing they can't deal with.

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"But for people who feel excessive shyness, it's very painful and debilitating. It can be like it for them every day, which just keeps reinforcing the pain.

"So much of our life is social, and people keep telling themselves they're inadequate and how everybody else in the world seems to be getting on very easily."

It is important that even people suffering such extreme shyness should know that they can address their problem.

Often a particularly severe case can be traced to early childhood social experiences, she says, even perhaps the initial entry into a nursery.

Counselling would help people focus on what might have caused their shyness. Allied with some training in communications and assertiveness skills, a real impact could be made. This training usually involves role play, and talking through how to react in certain situations.

Having a mutually supportive group to go through this with would be vital. "The last thing a self-conscious person wants is to get up and feel like they are failing," she says.

No simple solutions

Those who suffer from shyness can also turn to a multitude of self-help books.

Shy and retiring

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Taking a pill will be tempting for some, says Ms Morris, and could help in the long term by giving people enjoyable social experiences which boost their confidence. But, she adds, there are no simple solutions to extreme shyness.

"The problems can be quite complex, and it takes time. It may have taken a long time to get into this situation, so it's going to take some time to get out of it.

"But it's worth it, because they could feel better for the rest of their lives."

Do you have any experiences at overcoming shyness? Let us know using the form below.

Your comments:

I come from a pathologically shy family (think of the film Little Voice!) and my own worst time was in my late teens, when I would be terrified around everyone, including my best friends and my grandma! I got into this state when I started college & realised that, every time I felt nervous, my voice would sound abrupt and rude and I would generally come over as very off-putting & unfriendly.. I was terrified of seeming unfriendly and the more terrified I became, the more unfriendly I seemed to others!!! Shyness really can be as cruel and as devastating as that. But I didn't have any drug, I used self-help methods on myself based on the technique of cognitive behavioural therapy - which worked like a dream and is one of the most proven and effective therapies for treating shyness. I went on to go to university and get a psychology degree, so there really is hope for everyone!
Rosemary Moore, England

From my own personal experience, shyness and low self-esteem really do make every day hell. The simplest things become much more difficult. For a disability you cannot see, it makes life unneccessarily very difficult
Dave C, Ireland

Rather than fighting the shyness, I try to accept it. My shyness and awkwardness are actually atractive qualities when I am honest about expressing them in an honest and open way. The Observer's Barefoot Doctor has suggested the following mantra for us shy people: "When I display my vulnerability with dignity, people find me irresistable, which makes it a doddle for me to let my hair down everytime."
Mark, UK

Join the military. They will cure you! I can now talk in front of a small crowd of people (about 10) without mumbling, turning red, and getting very hot. I'm still not 100%, but the more I do it the more comfortable I am with it.
Anna, US

I got to the stage last year that I would not go out to do the shopping etc without my boyfriend. I would avoid going out socially. If we did have to go out my boyfriend use to dread it as I would make us late, just do anything to avoid going. I eventually went to my doctor who put my in touch with a hypnotist. He was absolutely brilliant. I am still shy but I go out to social events without thinking about it, which to me is amazing.
Melissa, England

Don't let shyness beat you. Tackle it one step at a time. Set easily achieveble targets, such as "I'm going to talk to X in the office/shop/pub today". Talk on common subjects - sport, TV, weather, work. Keep a record of how it goes, write successes in one colour and failures in another, and you'll soon see the successes mount up. Very few people really bite.
Steve, UK

I don't believe in using pills for this kind of problem. In my experience they treat the symptoms but don't address the underlying cause. But I can see that they may be useful in more severe cases, just to bring the person to a level where they can begin to address the issue mentally without fear taking over. The danger is that they could be over-prescribed in fairly mild cases where a non-prescription approach might be more appropriate and provide a more permanent improvement.
Richard Hughson, UK

The only thing that's ever worked is liquor. Seroxat has proved helpful. All other therapies from A to Z have been a failure.
Malcolm, UK

In my late 20s I was forced to start the painful process of looking at myself, because my use of alcohol to make life easier & more fun had become my biggest & most obvious problem - it took me years to accept this. Despite an IQ of 150, I had no idea who I was. Despite years of going out to clubs & dancing on podiums I found out I actually feel (wrongly) inferior & thus shy. Despite avoiding myself for years - my problems just got bigger & I got smaller. Sounds like Malcolm's starting on my old path - bit I'm following Rosemary's.Which one do you prefer?
Peter, UK