This is the second page of your comments on the family.
Your comments
 |  Faith is the glue that holds families together |
Yes, families are under threat but the liberal media does not want to report on the real reason. They publish articles which blame it on the long work hours, the absent parents and divorce rates. However, the reason for all of these things is a lack of God in their family life. Faith is the glue that holds families together. Believe it or don't believe it. It is still true.
Karen, Baltimore, USA To Karen, Baltimore... I have lived in the US, and now live in Holland. That means I have experienced one of the most conservative "religious" societies and one of the most liberal. I have found however, that family life plays a much larger role in Holland than in the US. Also, the US has a higher divorce rate than Holland. God or faith plays only a minor role. It is respect and love for each other that is the most important.
Ruud Teeuwen, Amsterdam
Karen from Baltimore. I've got bad news for you. My parents have been married for more than 30 years, brought up two reasonably well adjusted children, one of whom got married himself earlier this year. My father's an atheist and my mother's an agnostic. So God has no part in their marriage, but it seems to be working pretty well so far.
Paul Watson, London, UK
Many people on this page seem to assume that a life-long family unit is somehow 'natural' and automatically desirable. But humans are just about the only species in which haphazardly self-selecting couples, having reproduced, then seek to remain together for extended periods after raising their young. Having survived the wreck of a marriage that was effectively destroyed by its own children, may I raise the unfashionable question whether the instincts needed for childraising might often conflict directly with the far subtler skills needed to nourish a loving partnership between two adults?
Anon, Scotland
All the evils described may well threaten the family; what they certainly don't do is threaten the 'traditional' family. This glib notion has somehow missed the fact that in 'olden times', not only mother and father but the kiddies too had to work if you were poor, while if you were rich, nanny looked after her employer's kids, who certainly didn't spend hours of 'quality' bonding time with their parents. By all means let's tackle the current trends that isolate individuals and pull families apart, just don't do it by harking back to a golden age that never existed; we'll find no answers there. We'll have to invent the wheel for ourselves on this one.
Silke, Tokyo
The secret is balance. I leave the house at 05:30 and commute 180 miles round trip rather than living away during the week, so that I can put my kids to bed and have dinner with my wife. We decided early on that we wanted to give up one income so the kids get the love and support of at least one parent full time. That means I have to earn more money and we need to spend less, and because the high paying work is generally not in my area I have to travel. I am grateful for the opportunity to do that and very, very happy, even though money is tight. We manage to run two cars by buying old motors and doing most of the maintenance ourselves. I laugh at the stressed out zombies driving at 100 mph to get to a meeting just to cling on to their expensive luxury car! When the kids are older my wife will go back to work (if she wants to) and if money gets really tight we would move house to reduce costs rather than see family life spoiled by overwork.
Rick Hough, Knutsford, Cheshire It seems that many of the topics here are to do with getting other people to solve our problems. Don't spend enough time with your family? Do something about it! Get a different job or change your hours, don't just go home every night and moan about it. You're in control of your life if you want to be, it just seems that many people like to complain and pass the blame onto other people.
Chris, West Yorkshire
Please let's not moan about the "good old days" as if everything was perfect then and every one was so much happier. People lived in smaller communities and yes, had more contact with their family. But there was also a lot more social control: people talked shame if you didn't attend church on sunday! Families were also your social security. But once the government provided social security, family ties crumbled down. So what does that say about our real feelings towards our relatives? I see my mom maybe once a month, but when we do get together, it's because we choose so and we spend quality time.
Leen, Ghent, Belgium
Life is not built around family like it used to be for many people living in first world counties. I am rather lucky to have been born into not only my family but also my extended family, both paternal and maternal. Until people are brought up in the environment of "family is everything" mentality like I was, I doubt the situation is going to change.
Preetjit Singh Gill, Singapore
| My husband didn't have children to miss them growing up |
My husband's company is currently putting a review date on all jobs. After that point, they will send their employees to any contract within the country, paying for hotel accommodation during the week. If my husband does not comply, he will have his contract terminated! He would prefer to work within a reasonable distance and see his wife and family. My husband didn't have children to miss them growing up!
Kate, England I think we live in a lucky time where we can decide whether or not we even want a family.
Sarah, Belgium
The vast majority of my friends, all of whom work in decent jobs and are in their late 20s/early 30s, can not afford to have children. We all feel we are being responsible by not having kids. However, less responsible people, who never intend to work a day in their lives, churn out 3 and 4 children by their mid-20s. It's not just families under threat, it could be society in a few years time.
Lee, Hebburn, England
I don't know that the ideal family ever existed in such numbers to be supposedly damaged by modern life. Ask any researcher into women's lives in the nineteenth century and they will tell you horrific statistics for domestic violence as women entered into and remained trapped within marriages that were violent and abusive to them and their children. Marriage rates were higher then but the rates of good stable happy families was probably exactly the same as it is today. A decline is only evident in family life if we believe the myth that everyone made a happy marriage in other centuries rather than being forced to marry by lack of alternative employ, social attitudes condemning sex outside marriage and lack of mechanisation meaning a house and a job needed to be split between two people.
Laura Hudson-Bowyers, Hastings
We'd all be a lot happier if we just had children, rather than waiting until we "can afford them". Just have them and muddle through - learning to deal with uncertainty, insecurity and fear along the way. Every society outside the Developed World copes. What makes us so special?
Anon, Broadstairs, UK
| People like my parents in the 60s had it good |
My wife and I both work long hours for poor pay in professional jobs in the south-east. We just manage to cover the mortgage, have little spare time for each other and have no hope of affording children because we can't afford the massive cost of child care. If one of us quit work to look after kids we would lose the house. People like my parents in the 60s had it good. My dad left school with no formal qualifications, learnt a trade (you could do that then with no qualifications - now you probably need a degree) and supported a wife and two kids and a mortgage on a better house than mine! I have a PhD in Physics! Progress eh?
Roger, UK I feel forced into working, to help pay a massive mortgage on a small house, but there is nothing I would rather do than stay at home taking care of the people who give my life meaning - my husband and my son. Of course had those bra-burning selfish feminists of the 1960s not fought for wage equality for women, then perhaps my husband would be able to earn enough for me to stay at home, and we would all be a lot happier. I believe that all wage equality does is drive down the men's wages, not drive up women's wages. I also believe that feminism has enslaved a generation of women who would be quite happy to stay at home and look after their families - it's almost as though we're not allowed to!
Caroline, Bristol, UK
As usual the comments are about how mothers should stay at home and stop being so greedy if they want to keep their families together. In fact I think it is mothers who are too greedy to go to work in the first place that are the problem, fathers who are under increased pressure to earn the family income and who have to work longer and longer hours are the biggest threat to family life. Children who see more of their parents together are in a better position than those who spend all their time with one at the expense of never seeing the other.
Jennifer, Netherlands, ex UK
This is capitalism. You live to work. The 5% at top reap the benefits of the 95% working hard. We need to have a spiritual revival that looks at the after life to bring a healthy balance to Capitalism i.e. you work to live. I am a greater believer in the extended family living together.
A Rana, London, UK
It all goes down to money. I start work at 9am and I am out like a shot at 5pm, Monday to Friday this allows me to see my 6 months son every evening before he goes to bed. I am very aware that if I did put more hours at work there will be more opportunities for me to get promoted and therefore earn more. I decided against this because family life is more rewarding than money. OK, I probably can't afford to buy a new car every 3 years or have expensive holidays but I can spend quality time with my family every day, this is something money can't buy!
Richard, London UK
The family is fundamental to society. It has been for several thousand years. However, in our day, people are looking to keep up with the Jones'. Therein lies the problem. There is nothing wrong living in a smaller house, and not having a DVD player or the newest car. The family can stay strong if the parents learn that love and care are the most important factors. If we teach that then the future of the world will be bright because the future of the family will be bright.
Quinn, Torres Vedras, Portugal It seems like so many people spend so much time and energy to be happy that they fail to see how simple it is to actually be happy. The concept of family has become synonymous to taking things for granted as it suits the individual and no real happiness can be derived from such a concept. Also, single parent may actually be better than having two parents at home fighting most of the time. The enormous ability of adapting to changing situation should not be snubbed with the rules someone made to suit some time in the past. One can go on and on about how easy life is, but I'll stop here and make mine a bit easier.
Gita, India
Yes, in Africa, in fact here in Botswana the concept of families still exists. It is almost custom/cultural that your parents raise you as a form of investment for you to take care of them in return, you now start paying the bills. Families are generally tight, loving and many are extended. However, with a lot of outside influence, moral decay and issues of sex, day by day family ties are frayed as many strive to keep up with the Jones'. I stay away from the city with my parents and commute to work everyday and we still get a chance to all sit around fire the African way.
Sirang, Gaborone, Botswana
Under threat is a rather melodramatic way of looking at it, but yes to a certain extent. I personally think that long working hours are the biggest culprit - the irony being that 9 times out of 10 long hours aren't necessary. We are creating a culture where somehow 'longer' means 'better' and it's about time that we challenged that perception.
Katherine, London, UK
| Our daily struggles for wealth that is encouraged by competition, is our greatest enemy |
The decline in social values where ethics and morality are largely abandoned to greater degrees by newer generations who find excuses for lower standards, must be a red light for the future of western civilisation as we know it. Families are under threat both from self-imposed and external forces and unless careful and determined thought and action is applied, we are heading for social catastrophe while Rome burns. Our daily struggles for wealth that is encouraged by competition, is our greatest enemy because of the complete adherence to the golden calves that capitalism insists gives us freedom through democracy. But what good is wealth and it pursuit when physical, emotional and spiritual deterioration is the result?
Mike, Croydon It is very hard for two people to raise a family in the U.S. without both parents working, but, if both parents are working, then someone else is raising your children. We are so involved in consumerism in the U.S. the concept of "doing without" all the toys to raise your children is foreign to most people. They say your personality is formed by the age of 5. This is such a small amount of time in most people's careers. The sacrifice is worth it. Before you know it they will be school age, then college bound.
Maureen, Florida, USA
Lower your standards; you can't have a family and live like your parents. We have four children, just the basics but no continental holidays, no second car, new clothes only at Christmas, unkempt house with ugly furniture, no eating out; but hey! we have love and life is great!
Niamh choo, Ireland
Of all the comments here, nobody yet has commented on the ease of which it is possible to get a divorce these days. This is doing more damage than any other factor - because it provides what no serious marriage should ever have - an easy way out. Divorce is extremely destructive and hurts everyone involved, except solicitors of course!
Lloyd Evans, Brighton, UK
Why is it that if we belong to a household that looks anything different than the Waltons we stand accused of threatening the very concept of the family? The real challenge is to rethink how all types of families can be supported both morally and practically wherever in the world they happen to be.
Lorraine, St Albans, UK
Creating and maintaining a family in these trying times is definitely a difficult proposition. These are times of freedom when people value their individuality most and social checks and balances are at a minimum. People are less accommodating and have little patience - two basic qualities required for having a successful family life. To top it of, there are economic pressures and uncertainties. But, nothing is impossible and people can have successful family lives if they so wish. All it requires is love, caring, patience, thoughtfulness, sacrifice, understanding, and most of all, the desire.
Anjali Sen, India
In Africa, especially in the west, we take care of our older relatives because of the strong family ties that exist between us. Parents support their children (depending on availability of resources) until they are successful in life. This is opposed to western culture where parents break the link of support when the child is 21 or so.
Michael K. Gbenga, Koidu, Sierra Leone
| Family used to be the main cornerstone of every civilisation |
Family used to be the main cornerstone of every civilisation. Modernity has both its advantages and disadvantages - the most apparent being the decline in family values and importance. Nowadays, most of us would rather spend more time with our friends or watching TV than having a fruitful conversation with our family or helping out a member of the family. This is a real shame and the consequences are apparent in the new breeds of youngsters that are evolving in our societies.
Jubril Alao, London, UK Families simply do not generate the GDP that they do when made to operate as a bunch of individuals. Working mothers are favoured because the state then gets tax off both the mother & the employed carer. I suppose in that sense my Mum didn't give her all to the state... but she gave me such love & such a lot to the community which is worth more than any tax bill! I will do the same for my kids too.
Charlotte D, Hemel Hempstead, UK
Unfortunately, my province has the highest divorce rate in North America. A whopping 65%! Also more than half the children today are from a broken family. This means that my child, who attends a private school, and is raised by my wife and myself, is now in the MINORITY! I just can't help to wonder what society will be like when my child grows up.
Pierre, Quebec, Canada
It's Capitalism and the narcissism, consumerism, greed, and superficial values that it brings with it - that is to blame. Stop Globalization, and get back to self-sufficient economies and tradition. But first get rid of politicians that are bought up by the robber barons and international agencies that promote Capitalism.
Russ, Washington DC, USA
| I see my boss more than I see my parents |
Forced overtime and long hours are slowly eroding away the family structure. I see my boss more than I see my parents, who only live 20 minutes away! That just doesn't sit right with me.
KBF, Washington, DC USA The family is under threat because our society and the government no longer put ant value on the family ethos. Single parents are ok, marriage is not needed, divorce is fine, step parents can come and go at will. Trying to blame longer working hours, high house prices and the like is a nonsense, these things were worse in the past and the family was stronger then. The prime culprits are successive governments who have let the family institution go down the pan.
Peter, Birmingham UK
When I became married, going on 30 years next year, a councillor advised us that one in four families will "make it." Today, it is my understanding that only one out of two married couples "will make it!" If these facts are true then obviously modern society is working against the family. Do you really need two cars? Can we reduce greed and the "I want" type of mentality that creates so much stress on a home? Families are most definitely an endangered species!
Paul, Florida, USA
The first humans were forced to do everything from hunting and gathering food to curing injuries and sickness. Since then there has been an evolution. People specialised in specific tasks because they were better at it (for instance making clothing). That has then evolved to the specialisations we have today. This has lead to the family no longer being the cornerstone of society as there was no more need for it. This is not bad but is merely a society using it's resources in the best possible way.
Filip Michielsen, Antwerp, Belgium
| People tear families apart, not policy or working hours |
Our working conditions are nowhere near as bad as they were decades ago and you can make the time if you want to. People tear families apart, not policy or working hours. You can blame the government, media etc but all they are doing is providing choices. It is people's inability to decide that destroy people's relationships.
Max Richards, Wales During the war my grandmother worked long hours in a munitions factory while my mother was cared for in a state run nursery. They didn't see my grandfather for years as he was abroad fighting. Families have always been under stress, it's an unfortunate fact of life. As long as we keep our core values and do the best we can for our children and the other more vulnerable members of society then all is not lost, everything else is just a passing phase.
Debbie, Middlesex, UK
The external pressures described are real but the ultimate problem is one of personal choices and priorities. In the 1960's, while the rest of the nation was "keeping up with the Jones," my Mom stayed at home with us while my Dad earned a labourers wage. We had no telephone, TV, or air conditioning. We grew most of what we ate. My Mom worked harder at home to make that work than she would have at any job, but it was what they believed was important. Neither they nor I have regrets about that. The things that we could have had by living differently would have long ago worn out or broken.
Kurt, Baton Rouge, USA
Thank God that in the Arab World, the family life means a lot. Old people are never left alone, in the contrary, they are very helpful to their society, Grandmothers, for example, look after their grandchildren if the mother is at work. In Islam the old parents must be looking after by their children. But still we can't deny that life had changed a bit after we have imitated the western life
Fadia, Cairo, Egypt
| We work harder to get more stuff but are we really happier? |
I have a few comments on the matter. First, divorce is looked at as a solution rather then a last possible option. Children are left to learn life on their own. Communication hardly exists between families anymore and everyone is oversexed and self-indulgent. We have become a generation of "me, I, and mine" and this is the downfall of western society. We work harder to get more stuff but are we really happier? The traditional family is becoming extinct and I for one am afraid of the consequences.
Arthur, Boston, USA My parents had my two brothers and myself in the early 70's when they were in their early twenties. My mother did piece work from home and my father was a lowly paid (at the time) council employee, yet they managed to own a semi-detached house a car as well as providing for my two brothers and myself. To achieve all of this at the age my parents did in the 21st century UK would be a pure impossibility, with high house prices, huge debt levels, marriage between young couples dwindling and low relative wages it is surprising that any children at all are being born, let alone being raised by families!
Chris, Preston, UK
My ancestors emigrated from Jamaica in the 60s to London, leaving their parents behind. In doing so they gained money and modernity but lost the concept and support of having an extended family. I have unfortunately repeated that trend by moving to Switzerland and now spend nearly 30% of my income travelling back and forth to England and the UK trying to rebuild those links. As the older relatives start to die off, I realise how much my children and I missed by moving away.
Edward Johnson , Geneva , Switzerland
| In Africa, we look after our aged parents it is part of one's responsibility. |
The family is fundamental to society. We deny this truth at our own peril. Working Moms and modern times does not mean an end to the family. It is difficult to explain in words, so I'd advise any sceptic to visit the "more peaceful parts" of Africa to see the undeniable benefits of family. As a working mum, I don't think I spend enough time with my family. However, I believe it is the demands of my particular job rather than the fact that I work. In Africa, we look after our aged parents it is part of one's responsibility. The elderly have their role in society. Their influence is invaluable if you're raising children. The lessons our kids learn just by being with old people, cannot be taught. It has to be experienced.
Narotso, Nairobi, Kenya My grandma moved into a very luxury retirement home about 10 years ago, and she has been in there since. However, looking at her and other occupants, I see no happiness in their eyes. Yeah, they are safe, protected and taken very good care of, but to me, they look like caged animals that have no chance to enjoy the freedom outside. On the contrary, my friend's grand parents who live with their son's family are still very vibrant, enjoy fun activities and are in great health. They are still living their lives.
Sakuko, Fukuoka, Japan
The idea that a family in which both parents work is a recent invention is pretty ridiculous. Working class mothers have always worked in order for their families to survive and the luxury of time to spend "keeping house" or looking after children was only afforded to the middle classes in days gone by.
Linda, UK, London, UK
We all have to accept the fact that at one time or another in life family members will have to be apart. It might not be easy, but that is the fact. I try to keep in touch with my family whenever I can though at times I just feel I spend very little time with my family. In my case I am away from my parents because of studies, and though we do communicate, it is not as much as I would have liked. For almost two years now I have not made any physical contacts with my family. This is the reality that we all have to come to terms with.
Suleiman, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Longer working hours do pose a threat to the family life. This does results into unsuccessful marriage life, straying of kids and lost in touch with the parents and family members. Migration is the other factor which leaves you away from your family and friends. However, everything boils down to the priorities you fix for the life. One cannot have everything at the same time.
Ravi Bhensdadia, Christchurch, New Zealand
You can choose your friends, but not your family. Since our culture permits it, I'm very happy indeed to be able to get as far as possible from my extended family. Seeing them once a year at Christmas is more than enough for me.
Oliver, Cambridge, UK
Yes, in Africa, in fact here in Botswana the concept of families still exists. It is almost custom/cultural that your parents raise you as a form of investment for you to take care of them in return, you now start paying the bills. Families are generally tight, loving and many are extended. However, with a lot of outside influence, moral decay, and issues of sex, day by day family ties are frayed as many strive to keep up with the Jones. I stay away from the city with my parents and commute to work everyday and we still get a chance to all sit around fire the African way.
Sirang, Gaborone, Botswana
The family is fundamental to society. It has been for several thousand years. However, in our day, people are looking to keep up with the Jones'. Therein lies the problem. There is nothing wrong living in a smaller house, and not having a DVD player or the newest car. The family can stay strong if the parents learn that love and care are the most important factors. If we teach that then the future of the world will be bright because the future of the family will be bright.
Quinn, Torres Vedras, Portugal
| In the west, we have more freedom, more choice and more opportunity |
The question is flawed by the fact that you cannot define what is "normal family life." This varies from country to country and culture to culture. Some cultures have an ideal of "normal family life" which others might find oppressive and cruel. In the west, we have more freedom, more choice and more opportunity. People live longer and have better prospects. That causes people to leave home, cut the apron strings and live independent lives. Look back at the "old days" when we believe that family values were strong. Was life that wonderful then?
Mark H, UK Creating and maintaining a family in these trying times is definitely a difficult proposition. These are times of freedom when people value their individuality most and social checks and balances are at a minimum. People are less accommodating and have little patience - two basic qualities required for having a successful family life. To top it of, there are economic pressures and uncertainties. But, nothing is impossible and people can have successful family lives if they so wish. All it requires is love, caring, patience, thoughtfulness, sacrifice, understanding, and most of all, the desire. Best of luck!
Anjali Sen, India
Oh please, this is such a pointless and over-the-top debate! I certainly wouldn't want to be transported back to the 1950's where my only role in life would be a mother/housewife. Times have totally moved on since then, and I am lucky to have received an excellent education with great career prospects. People just have to adapt to a changing society. Incidentally, I do not see men changing their working lives to spend more time with their families, whether that be working less hours or becoming house-husbands!
J, UK
In Africa, especially in the west, we take care of our older relatives because of the strong family ties that exist between us. Parents support their children (depending on availability of resources) until they are successful in life. This is opposed to Western culture where parents break the link of support when the child is 21 or so.
Michael K. Gbenga, Koidu, Sierra Leone
The more individualistic a society is the more the threat to family institution. This is the case in Western Europe. In Asia, Africa and South America, Individualism is absent but HIV is endemic. In all, the great institution of family is greatly under threat.
Olateju Taiwo, London, England The traditional family is disappearing. Being a single parent for the last 6 years I have had to work to support myself and 2 children, father being overseas and not supporting financially, I have had to go out and work, yet missing out on them growing up. Now they are older I want to spend more time with them, unfortunately the flexible working hours which the government have put in place do not consider children over the age 6, unless they are handicap, does the government think all children over 6 disappear? Alas I am still working, commuting and we are all missing out, especially Holiday time.
ngaire, Maidenhead, UK
Well I guess I must be one of those bad women who willingly decided to go back to work after my maternity leave ran out. Yes, the extra cash was nice, but the reality is I couldn't wait to get back. My child is with a wonderful child minder and has the opportunity to mix with other kids (something he wouldn't have at home alone with me) and I spend my working hours mixing with adults. When were at home he's our focus and I can give much more to him by virtue of the fact that I feel happy in my life and the decisions I have made.
Gabrielle, Switzerland
Yes, families are under threat in Kenya. Many parents have decided to go back to school (University) because of the competitive job market which means the children are left for hours on end all alone as the parents try to juggle work and study. The children end up getting advice on issues affecting them from their friends or TV. because their parent are never home. A good example is my nine year old niece who asked my university graduate stay at home mum by choice-sister where babies come from. My sister sat down with her and explained everything at least to her level. Imagine if my sister was not there to answer her question she would have gotten the answer from her friends or TV. and they would not have told her the right thing. So my niece would have a warped view of sex all her life. I believe families are the most important unit in forming children to be up-right citizen of the world.
Hillary Mulli, Nairobi, Kenya
In Latin America, even in very large cities, the concept of the family is alive and well. The reason is simply that most working women are also able to take care of their family and many are willing to treat family as their priority, so do not work when they have young children. A Latin American mother will do almost anything to persuade her children not to leave home, whereas in Europe and the US, parents just cannot wait to see them leave by the age of 21 so they will be off the payroll. In return, Latin grown-up children take care of their parents when they are old. It is all about opting to treat the family as the central point of society.
Charles, S�o Paulo, Brazil I would like to take issue with Charles of Sao Paulo when he says that mothers in Europe and the US can't wait for their children to leave home. Maybe our children like to be more independent. We would love to have our son at home but he went to university and then on to a job in London.
Although we are a close family and love to have him home as often as possible he would not have stayed in the area even if he could have found a job to suit his skills. Most of his friends are from similar backgrounds and I think most of the mothers would be perfectly happy to have been able to keep their children at home even just a little longer but they all wanted to spread their wings. Hopefully we will be able to live closer together when they start to settle down with their own families but there is no way any of us as loving parents would do other than encourage them to follow their ambitions.
Ruth, Telford, UK
Charles of Sao Paulo's romanticised picture of the happy Latino family allows him to ignore the very large number of children who live on the streets in his own city.
Deirdre, Cork Ireland
Long working hours, low wages and high house prices mean that there's every chance that a lot of people won't be starting a family at all as they wouldn't be able to afford it.
Sian, UK
I see the family being broken up by the way many families do not even try to spend time together. Parents try to get the kids involved with so many after school classes. Then when they eventually get home there isn't time to spend with each other, because mum and dad have to go to their respective classes. We try to make time for one night a week when we spend it together, watching films, listening to music or just going out for a drive.
Ian, Southport, England
That's capitalism for you! And we're our own worst enemy. Ludicrous house prices exist because two income households do. Thus we lock ourselves into a slavish existence, and have to pay for all the fundamental things that families usually do - like bringing up the kids. Is it any coincidence that all major religions speak out against the worship of money? Methinks not!
Andrew, Leighton Buzzard, UK Nowadays mothers and fathers are being told that they both need to be out working and have a career while both spending loads of quality time with their families. Trying to juggle this kind of double life could be the problem. Our parents and grandparents generation didn't have the divorce rate we do and maybe it's because they didn't try to pretend to be all things at once.
Simon, Oxford, England
My husband and I just got married last year, and will likely start a family within the next year or so. I had always planned to quit working when I get pregnant and stay home with my children when they're young. But we're trying to buy a house right now, and I'm starting to realise if we want anything resembling a decent home in a safe area, we're both going to have to work to afford it. Nothing fancy at all - we already do without much. But the price of living is just skyrocketing, and I'm worried about how that will affect our family. It's impossible to have a single-worker family and afford a house at the same time - yet what kind of home will that house be?
Anon, USA
My partner and I live 6,000 miles from our families but we call and e-mail them (and vice versa) more often than we did when we lived in the UK. If a family wants to be together then they will make it work regardless of the working, living or health situation. Today's technology makes it easy to stay in touch no matter where you are in the world.
George, Texas, (ex-pat)
Social developments, excessive working hours, tired parents all add up to family disintegration. The world has become smaller through ease and simplicity of travel and work - the corollary is that the 'localised family unit' is destroyed. I spent little time with my family whilst working away from home striving to earn a living and make my own life. Both my parents died alone and I lost contact with my eldest sister as a result. Modern society - difficult to live with - difficult to survive without!
Peter, Northampton, UK
I don't spend enough time with my family because since 4 years ago I have lived in Madrid while my family live in Almazan (a small town and my birthplace). I would like to spend more time with them but there isn't work in my town and I have had to emigrate to this city. I see you every weekend.
Jorge Sanz Garcia, Madrid, Spain
In the US extended families are increasingly a thing of the past. Family members are spread out all over the country. There is a general feeling that we are each "on our own". I submit that this is an unhealthy social development caused by economic pressures.
Robert, El Prado, USA
| Soon the concern won't be about family break-up but lack of family creation |
The UN should be worried about family creation. Thanks to ever higher taxes and house price inflation most of my friends doubt they'll be able to start a family. I couldn't afford a girlfriend - even if I could afford to go out socialising to find one. Soon the concern won't be about family break-up but lack of family creation.
Martin, England Modern life makes things tough for families, but most seem to be doing quite well at breaking up the family unit by themselves. Family meals around the table are a thing of the past, too much TV destroying the art of family conversation, and running off to the divorce courts at the first sign of trouble. There is lack of commitment to families by society as a whole... but especially within many families.
P Burns, Fleet, Hampshire
Of course longer working hours, absent parents and divorce mean that there are challenges for families to face. That's no reason to decide families are 'under threat'. It just means families will work differently in the future to how they have in the past. It's what happens when times change - as they always do. The traditional family as you term it, 2 parents and 2.4 children, has only been around for about 40 years anyway. Get a grip and stop exaggerating everything, BBC!
Lucy, London
50% of children are now raised in a single parent homes. The problem was ignored from the beginning, especially in industrialised countries. Now they have no clue or even plan on how deal with it. The problems is not wars, famine or migration. The problem has got to do with one thing, Money, money, money.
Mike Aziz, Vancouver, Canada In the past families were under threat by Viking raids, the Crusades, the Black Death, fathers, husbands and sons being away for months or years at sea, or 80 hour workweeks in the mills and farms. Life has always been full of challenges and threats. It's no worse today than in the past.
Peter Nelson, Chelmsford, MA, USA
This is in question? The current standard of two working parents certainly isn't doing the traditional family any good. The problem is twofold: increased materialism and less social service support. In many cases two incomes are not a luxury however, and at the low end of the employment spectrum it is mandatory for the survival of the family.
Vic, USA
Even as a single person I don't have enough time left over after working to do much worthwhile. And when I do, I am so desperate for some quiet time that I just chill out and read or watch TV. I have no idea how working parents cope!
Carolyn, Philadelphia, USA (ex South Africa)
I always knew I'd stay home with my kids, and made it so. My man and I crafted our life to work for ourselves, on our schedule, around our family. We do with less "stuff" than the Joneses, but the payoff is priceless. We have no interest in comparing ourselves with the rat-racers. We are so blessed and grateful every single day. With our retirement funds in place, we invest every month, and intend to care for our parents, should they need us. Family is everything, and our children are living this reality. Dream, and make your own rules!
EM, Pacific Northwest, USA Families have always been under threat. Migration, Famine and war seem have been to be ever-present issues all through the centuries. But even today with more prosperity, the sheer rate of change in societal attitudes to Wealth, Marriage and Sex pose a never before encountered threat.
Tayo Ajayi, Los Angeles, USA
In Scandinavia the family has lost its real meaning. The state has taken over. This leaves many older people drifting in state institutes without any family support or if some, the very minimum. Development has failed in this respect. More family would make a big difference for the elderly. It is a difficult issue as more family means a number of restrictions, sometimes unjustified, for the young.
Mikko Toivonen, Helsinki, Finland
Absolutely, yes. In the US, working hours continue to increase. Attorneys, for example, routinely work 60-70 hour weeks. You can't have a family life with a prolonged schedule of that nature.
Eric, Detroit, USA
This is the second page of your comments on the family.
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