In the third part of her diary, Meg describes how military families cope when they hear bad news of casualties.

For me this was always going to be a most terrible few days, even without Murphy, our cat eating something that had poison on it, and being rushed to the vets, with the fear that he would not live to see another day.

The reason is because Saturday was the second anniversary of the death of our daughter Victoria, who lost her own battle against cancer, despite a courageous fight.

Terrible news

However, when I awoke on Saturday, even I could not imagine the living nightmare that was about to unfold. First it was the terrible news of the two helicopters crashing and subsequently today, the prisoners being shown on television, the live footage of the US Marines gun battle and the unbelievable horror of a GR4 Tornado being shot down in what is described as "blue on blue".

What can you say to the wives, parents, sons and daughters, grandparents and brothers and sisters of those brave young men, to bring them any comfort in their loss?

Tears welled up, my heart was thumping and I thought my head would explode with the emotions that were going through me. Breathing was difficult. Mixtures of pride and anger and an enormous sense of loss, swept through me.

There cannot be a worse scenario than returning from a successful mission only to be accidentally shot down by your own side.

Empathy

I am sure that the whole British military are feeling the pain and suffering of the families. There is a tremendous sense of empathy here at Lyneham and everyone's thoughts are with the families and the Service Communities at which they served.

The live coverage on TV is like something from a movie backdrop. It is difficult to watch and even more difficult to switch off. I have been drawn to it like a moth to a naked flame.

Who knows what we will awaken to tomorrow?

For now, I shall pray for my cat and for the soul of my daughter, and I shall hold these brave young helicopter crews and the Tornado pilot and navigator "the best of the best" forever in my thoughts.

Thank you for all the brave troops fighting alongside one another to rid the world of this madman. I would like to communicate with some of your troops (send mail/packages) if someone could please give me some address? ... So we could do our part here at home!
Lauri Aloisio, USA

Being against the war does not mean we do not feel for the soldiers and their families. As it is taking place, we do hope some good will come of it and out of respect for the people out there, we want them to come home safe and sound.
Anne Poitrineau, Sale, Cheshire

God bless all service personnel and their families for their attention to duty. We need you to know we are thinking of you.
Robert Stone, England

As Australians, my family and I send all our condolences to the families who have lost their loved ones in Iraq. All British troops are doing wonderful work and we support all of them and their families in every respect. We pray daily for everyone involved from the UK and want them to feel upheld in every dark moment. Millions of people send their love and support to you from all over the world.
RB Weidmann, Australia

Come home swiftly and safely, soldiers of the world Don Aguilar, USA

I say a prayer for those who have fallen, and will fall. Hopefully everyone involved will see the bigger picture and accept the future. We all have to live together through our differences. Come home swiftly and safely, soldiers of the world.
Don Aguilar, USA

My family has seen many of our own deployed overseas to fight in various different battles and I commend both the soldiers and the families for their sacrifice and patriotism.
Mary, Washington DC, USA

It is going to be a scary time for many of us. My boyfriend and many of our friends are over there. I just pray that everyone comes home to their loved ones.
Debbie, England

I've been a military wife and mother for nearly 30 years. Of course I'm not comfortable sending family members off to fight on some foreign ground. However, I understand the need to stand against tyranny wherever it resides. I pray for the Lord's protection for all involved in this fight for freedom.
Withheld, Texas

I send my prayers and support to all relatives of our forces. Iraq will be a better place because of your courage. Thank you.
B Mansell, England

No one in this world should have to suffer in silence Sharon Keith, USA

He was born on Veterans Day, 11 November, 1969. He joined the Navy at 19 to make money to go to college. He helped to rescue citizens from Liberia and take them to safety in Sierra Leone. He served in the Afghanistan conflict. Now he is in the Persian Gulf again. He comes from a proud heritage, he was always my hero. He had to be, I was a divorced single mom, quite young, and so was he. We agree that no one in this world should have to suffer in silence while so much joy can be experienced in their life. I am proud of my one son. We want the world to have the same justice, mercy, and liberty that we have and we are willing to fight for their rights. Love, a mom.
Sharon Keith, USA

My son is based in Lyneham and has been in Kuwait for six weeks. We cannot get down to Lyneham to be with our daughter-in-law and grandsons as much as we would like and the fact that there is such a good support network for the families is very reassuring. If she is in trouble or needs help there is always someone there for her until we can make the journey from Nottingham to be with our family.

We are all supporting all the military personnel in this conflict and hoping and praying for their safe return both here in the UK and in the US. I also hope that very few Iraqi casualties occur, after all they are also carrying out orders and are not the architects of Saddam Hussein's regime.
Jacqui Carter, England

As one of many male partners to the brave women who is serving our country, I would just like to say thank you for the support that is being given. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. My partner who is a member of the TA has called a few times and asked if people are behind them? I am glad to be able to say yes.
Stephen Pennicott, UK

These people are true heroes Scott Gebhardt, USA

I have immense respect for the servicemen and women serving in Iraq. These people are true heroes. I can only imagine the courage required to do the job they are doing so splendidly. They and their families are shouldering so much of the burden for the rest of us. You make us all so very proud.
Scott Gebhardt, USA

My fianc� is serving with the desert rats and I have not had any contact with him for three weeks (I'm still waiting on a letter). The the only way I know he is OK and what is happening is by watching the news. But when unconfirmed reports of dead or kidnapped British soldiers are shown, it is very frightening. Every minute of every day is hard for us and I think watching the news makes it worse, but like Meg says it's like a moth to a flame.
Joanne, UK (north east)

As a WW2 soldier who served in Iraq it is obvious that the invasion was at least a month too late in starting. Nothing has been learned by the Americans from the experiences of Napoleon and Hitler of the dangers of overextended supply lines and guerrilla activities of a people defending their own country. Greatest success so far has been blowing up a statue of Hussein in Basra!
Tony Everett, England

I don't have any family or really know anyone who knows people serving in this war but I know I fully support it. I am saddened by all the anti-war protests. I am praying for you Samantha. I too am 19 and I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I pray this nation will unite and support you.
Jackie, Stirling, Scotland

Any time a soldier is killed, a bullet also enters his mother's heart Jimmy R, USA

As an American, I am totally against the decision of our government and that of UK for sending troops to Iraq. This is an act of aggression, not liberation by any means. The coalition force is simply a team of invaders in the eyes of the Iraqis. Remember the Iraqis are sons and daughters of God as well. They have to take action, what ever is necessary for them to defend their mother land. They might despise their ruler, Saddam Hussein, but certainly, they hate foreigners with weapons at hand even more. Any time a soldier is killed, a bullet also enters his mother's heart.
Jimmy R, USA

Hi Meg. Congratulations on the job you are doing supporting the families. I am also supporting anyone in civvy street who needs someone to talk to. There is a lot of support when you are in the vicinity of married quarters but very little for when you are in civvy street. I have two sons serving in the army and am the wife of an ex-serviceman. Keep up the good work. My condolences on the anniversary of your loss, I know how you must be feeling as we also lost a child. Best wishes to you.
Edie, UK

I fully support the war, my only concern is how we treat the ex service man and women when they are discharged. I, and many other ex servicemen and women get very little help when they are discharged, lousy pension, very little resettlement. I suggest the Government take a look at the American GI Bill. Our soldiers are the best in the world there is no doubt about it, so when they are finished serving their country lets treat them right.
Bill Heath, Buckhurst Hill, Essex

We have a 21 year old daughter who is based in Kuwait on her first detachment. We are naturally very concerned about her safety and that of all the troops. We are wholly behind the action though as we feel that Saddam Hussein has got to be taken out of power. we just wish that the military had gone on to do this at the end of the last Gulf War and then the lives of personnel like our daughter would not have had to be put at risk. We have had a phone call from her and she seems to be bearing up well, despite the air strikes and she said that her training is coming into its own now
Jean Paterson, Scotland

No matter where we live, no matter whether we are wife or child or mother or father, when one member of our immediate family joins the Armed Forces, the whole family signs up. It is a sacrifice of families that we put God and Country before our own loved ones and only the gifted few are brave and courageous enough to do this. The best part of being part of the Military Family At Large is that we have family wherever we travel, wherever we go, whatever hits us. My father served 30 in the U.S. Navy, from WWII through Vietnam. I am proud of my Military Heritage and proud to share it with any and all whose blood runs the same. .
Catherine Wilson, USA (via Scotland)

My heart is with you all Steve B, Scotland

Anybody from a forces family will know the feeling, caused by moving around a lot, of having less reliance on extended family and more reliance on immediate family and community, especially as forces people are often seen as outsiders by some local communities until times like this. My heart is with you all.
Steve B, Scotland

My thoughts are with the troops and their families. I have a friend who is out there in the army and I feel worried and I cannot imagine what people whose sons, daughters, husbands, fathers etc must be going through. I was saddened by the death of the 8 British and 4 American people who were killed but I am sure their families were very proud of them
Cheryl Pirie Warsop, UK

May the wind be at your backs and your guardian angels looking out for you all. No one supports war but when there is no other choice you do what must be done as best as you can do it.
Catherine Janusz, Canada

Now is the moment of truth Emily Segovia, Philippines

I guess now is the moment of truth. Let us pray and ask the guidance of our good Lord to bless everyone who is fighting for our life.
Emily Segovia, Philippines

I heard an Iraqi mother in Baghdad who had her three sons (16,18 and 20 years old)taken for military service. She said "They took my soul with my sons." That must describe the agony of the loss of brave young men. Having experienced my daughter's excruciating grief over the sudden death of her husband last year, my constant thoughts and prayers are also with the widows, children and siblings. I am so very sorry for your loss and sacrifice. I hope that knowing others ache for you might make a small difference. God be with you all.
Veronica, UK residing in US

Thank you for this column. Without it I'd feel very isolated. My brother and two of my cousins are in the Gulf and the worry is constant, as is the pride. But when you're not on a base with other families feeling the same it can be lonely. So thank you, Meg.
Rebekah, UK

We are an island community, pretty well isolated from the world Jennifer Taylor, Alaska, USA

Wonderful job you do! We're going to do a drive for our local brave "kids" who've been sent over there, having each of the children from the schools bring gum or sweets that won't melt, shampoo, baby wipes etc. Our bank has said they'll pay the postage to Iraq. It's all very grassroots, local stuff.

We are an island community, and pretty well isolated from the world. I can't get the telly so have missed it all on TV. The talks I have with my children about the war are very theoretical. They are innocent and don't need to be frightened or indoctrinated. I wonder what your volunteer exchange does?
Jennifer Taylor, Alaska, USA

My nephew, Sholto Hedenskog, a British Royal Marine, was killed in the CH-46 helicopter crash in Kuwait last Friday (21/03/03). My prayers are with his parents Nick and Tertia. I want to send my support to all the allied forces (UK,US and Oz )and their families. It was time for these brave men to stand up and be counted!
Bossau Boshoff, South Africa

This is their first experience of a war Hilary Slater, UK

I have two teenagers, a girl aged 19 whose boyfriend is in the RAF (not deployed yet) and one son aged 17 who hopes to join. This is their first experience of a war and I am glad to see them watching with great interest and learning what war means. I am very proud they are fully supportive of the troops as I feel the majority of British people are. Both they and I are thinking of everyone involved and support you 100%.
Hilary Slater, UK

While the troops are working hard to do the job they have trained for, there is one thing that makes them work harder than any training can: That is you, their partners and families. Keep sending the blueys, they might not be able to send one back but it will lift them every time no matter what it says keep your chin's up and thank you.
Malcolm, Bracknell, UK

Although I've felt great doubt about the war and especially the political mess that saw our servicemen and women going to fight with an anti-war campaign on their backs, I do believe that good will come of ridding Iraq of Saddam. My heartfelt thanks and prayers go out to all those service men and women involved in this new Gulf war - and their families. Know that you have the support and admiration of us all.
Sarah, Belgium

I'm glad to hear we are finally getting your support. It makes a massive difference to our morale Samantha Cox, UK

I'm a 19-year-old girl serving in the Army and I'm just waiting to move out to Iraq. I'm glad to hear we are finally getting your support. It makes a massive difference to our morale. Thank you and keep it up.
Samantha Cox, UK

My prayers are with all the troops, the families and friends. As a wife of a military man, and a mother of a military daughter, I feel all your fears and heartache. My heart soars to the day when the people of Iraq have their freedom as we do.
Joan, USA

It's the not knowing that's the worst bit. Not knowing whether your loved one is missing home, tired, hurt... It plays on my mind constantly. I'm praying that all come home safe to ones they love.
Kit, England

It is so sad to hear of all the recent deaths of our troops but I can't help but marvel at the true professionalism of our armed forces, the Royal Marines, the Royal Irish Rangers, the Desert Rats I could go on. You can see this British spirit, whatever that may be, radiating from these men, heroes everyone. They will be in my thoughts tonight, God bless them.
Paul Kelly, England

The majority of people in this country are grateful for their willingness to do what can be a really terrible job Joan Eales, UK

My prayers and good wishes go to all our troops in the Gulf and their families and friends at home. I cannot imagine what they are all going through but hope they realise that the majority of people in this country are grateful for their willingness to do what can be a really terrible job. God bless you all.
Joan Eales, UK

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the guys and girls fighting, and to all their families. It's because of you all and your courage that I can keep living my life.
Stephanie, UK

As we approach Mother's Day, we must think, not only of those who have lost loved ones, but those mums who will not get a card or flowers this year because their son or husband is fighting for their country. In the commercialism and hype of this weekend, let's remember those who wait at home and pray their Mother's Day will come soon.
Ann, Scotland

My heart jumps each time I hear of another death Clare Lifford, England

I have a friend whose boyfriend is in the 45th regiment of the UK marines. My heart jumps each time I hear of another death. I do not support this war but my full support is with the men and women on the front line. My thoughts are with all the families and friends of anybody out there especially to those who have lost their loved ones.
Clare Lifford, England

I cannot start to understand the feelings you have when you get that call or knock on the door which is going to change your life forever. I have a son who is serving in the army somewhere in Iraq or maybe he is still in Kuwait - who knows?! I do not know where he is or how he is feeling. Is he frightened? Is he exhausted?

What I do know is that whilst I hear nothing, this perhaps is good news and that he is alive. My heartfelt feelings go out to those families who have not had such good news. My prayers are with you and for our sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, that this crazy situation will come to an end very soon and they will all return safely.
Cathy Eeles, UK

This has made this conflict much more personal for us James, UK

We have quite a lot of dealings with servicemen and women through our work. This has made this conflict much more personal for us. Although we are bound to be a long way down in the troops' thoughts, we are thinking of them.
James, UK

Over the last few days, when I find myself fretting over something mundane, I quickly remind myself of how lucky I am to not only be born into a free and peaceful society, but to also have individuals brave and passionate enough out this way of life to risk their lives to defend it. While the hundreds of thousands of protesters around the world have every right to express their voices, it saddens me to think that the soldiers and their families have to see or hear this. It must be very difficult to see people protesting against a cause that they and their loved ones are dying for.
Jennifer, Canada

I am proud to call myself a Brit, more so since I have brave family members in the services.
Henry Williams, UK

I did protest against this war and I will go on protesting as I believe it is unjust. Nevertheless I hold the British troops in my prayers and admire their courage and discipline. My father fought in the desert in the Eighth army against Hitler. We did not hear from him for months and he nearly died of malaria, but in the end he came back safely. For that we were so grateful. I pray for the families of the armed forces.
Jean Mayland, England

My thoughts are with all of the families that have lost loved ones in the conflict. My husband is in the 39th Engineer Regiment, he is currently in this country but am expecting him to go out to the Gulf within a month or so. I have seen many of my friends' husbands leave wondering what is going to happen
Marie, UK

This is the one comforting Talking Point at the moment. for those with loved ones serving their country in Iraq. Thank you everyone.
Karen, USA

You and your families are all heroes Rosario Lim, Taiwan

I started out anti-war, but I know now that against all odds, freedom must prevail. You and your families are all heroes. You are showing us the utmost picture of love, that is fighting for freedom, even fighting for people who refuse to be free. For how can we claim to be anti-terrorist, if we do not support this war against Saddam Hussein? Condolences to the families of the casualties.
Rosario Lim, Taiwan

As a recently retired serviceman, please let me say how much servicemen's wives are the all-too-often unsung heroes of the MOD. Like so many, I was fortunate enough to marry someone who not only took service life in her stride, but who was always there, always behind me no matter what I did, and who supported the extended service family to the extremes.

She took care of the daily problems, the children, etc in order that I could focus completely on the job when it was necessary. She did so uncomplainingly and always seemed to hide any worries when I was away on duty. The Services are a team but few civilians could begin to comprehend how this also extends to the wives and the way they support service life in both good and hard times.
Mike S, UK

Not only to Meg, but to all military members and their families who support them, this is a trying time and seems to be a divide in emotion throughout the world. As a current member of the air force, I am patiently awaiting my orders.
MJ, USA

I would just like to send my best wishes to all the men and women fighting for justice, I want them to know just how proud we all are of them despite all the silly protesting! They are doing a fantastic job. My prayers are with you and your families wishing you all a safe return. Good luck guys!!
Claire Knight, UK

My husband is on an exchange tour in the USA. He has been away such a lot since 9/11 (360 days altogether) Trying to stay strong through all this.
Julie O'Rourke, USA

We thank you for what a great job you do for all of us. We value your friendship and the love you show to all of us girls.
Zoe, RAF Lyneham