Massage therapy for the conference-weary

A bizarre and occasionally surreal rainbow coalition of causes and corporations nestle side by side throughout the exhibition arenas.

Bang opposite the luminously-lit BNFL (British Nuclear Fuels Limited) stand sits the Cuba and Nicaragua Campaign stall, selling Che Guevara flags, T-shirts and mugs.

Weary journalists and fellow exhibitors, who form the backbone of the three-week party conference circuit, are most likely to be in the queue for a free massage at the Virgin Atlantic stand, designed to resemble a complete first class cabin compartment.

Unsuspecting delegates coming through the main entrance to the conference, meanwhile, are startled by an all-seeing, giant Big Brother-style face looming spookily from an interactive TV screen at the NCH stand and demanding attention: "You - yes, you there in the green jumper!

The owner of the head turns out to be actor sitting in a secret nearby broom cupboard-sized compartment chock full of electronic screen equipment.

"They lock me up in here, you know," he said on BBC News Online breaking into his darkened lair.

Cardboard Tony Blair shares a private moment with a fellow-conference goer

At the London Transport stand delegates and others pick up a haul of small freebies - coasters, sweets and notebooks all emblazoned with the firm's globally famous logo.

No frills

In contrast, the Tribune stand was going for the no-frills approach. "We pile 'em high and sell 'em cheap!" declared the man in charge of the left-wing journal's stall. "Cherie Blair was here earlier and had her picture taken with us!"

A neighbouring rival stall-holder ruined the boast by heckling: "But she had her picture taken with every single stall!"

And indeed she did, even posing sat astride the Ducati 916 super-bike forming the centrepiece of the Brands Hatch Leisure Group stand.

"Pensions Minister Jeff Rooker sat on it too," the woman running the stand proudly revealed, before hastily adding: "Though not at the same time, of course"

Posing for impressive pictures was also proving a draw at the NTL-Telewest internet cafe. A life-size cut-out of a grinning Tony Blair was available for anyone to, invited a poster, "Have your pic taken with Tony! And e-mail to your friends!"

"We've got a William Hague one for next week's Tory conference," confided the man running the stand.

At the stand of the anti-proportional representation AEEU union stand, an extremely useful give-away was to be had for those who were running out of clean clothes away from home.

Free T-shirts bearing an anti-Lord Jenkins - the Liberal Democrat peer asked by the prime minister to suggest an alternative electoral system to first-past-the-post - caricature were being dispensed along with advice on union membership.

Meanwhile, for those members of the travelling circus tribe suffering from serious mid-conference season blues, there was always the stand of the Voluntary Euthanasia Society.

"Have you signed your living will?" was the inviting banner atop the stand.

By the end of Tory conference, many may have done so.