Bradley: Can he attract young viewers to Crossroads?

Meanwhile, everyone's talking about how much they fancy each other - "she was wearing a different sort of bra today!".

Key-card charms

In this highly charged atmosphere, it's no wonder that a wedding reception's bridesmaid succumbed to the charms of deputy manager Jake (Colin Wells).

Jake had obviously been declared surplus to requirements when C&A shut down, and now he'd gone from modelling sweaters to ordering chefs around and seducing guests.

"I need to get out of this dress first, but I seem to have left my key-card in my room," the bridesmaid purred, before Jake produced his trusty magic card.

"It opens every room in this hotel," he replied, without any embarrassment whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Bradley was having his own roll in the hay after catching Phil trying to steal some petrol.

Dignity: Doris Luke stayed above the sex talk

Rocky justice

The miscreant is dragged to face justice, Rocky-style.

But instead of reporting him to the police, Rocky gives Phil a job as a porter, just to humilate him further.

Crossroads stalwart Doris Luke (Kathy Staff) popped up a couple of times, sadly looking like a relic from the days when it was just the sets that were wobbly. But at least she didn't have to talk about lusting after a colleague, so her dignity remained intact.

While cheesy storylines and bad scripts don't always stop daytime soaps from being a success, it's hard to see how fights over the meat carving are going to bring in the Hollyoaks audience ITV desires.

Indeed, the endlessly suave Adam Chance (Tony Adams) considered it beneath him to even appear in the first episode, although he appears as a wine dealer later on.

Finally Jill Harvey (Jane Rossington) turned up to reclaim her hotel from the Russells, wiping the grin from Jake's face.

Good old Jill looked unimpressed with the hotel's current management, and no wonder - it's going to take a lot of work for her to rescue this establishment.

Crossroads can be seen at 1330 and 1705 each weekday on ITV.