Women are waiting until well into their 30's before having children, a survey has revealed. The Lever Faberg� Family Report 2003 revealed that a third of women in their 20s who did not have children feared the impact of having a child on their career and 42% feared the impact on their finances.
The trend is being called "consumption smoothing" where woman try to accumulate as much wealth as possible to lessen the impact of parenthood on their lifestyle.
Why are more women waiting until they are older before having children? Have you decided to delay parenthood?
This debate is now closed. Read a selection of your comments below.
Your reaction
My wife and I had our first child three years ago. We gave up holidays, travel, a car and still don't have a social life to speak of. We were both working full time but now my wife works part-time. It's a struggle but well worth it. Excuses about being unable to afford a child are rubbish. You have to sacrifice your standard of living and then it becomes affordable.
Kev, UK
 |  Too many parents choose that path as they are too afraid to follow their aspirations and dreams  |
I take my hat off to anyone willing to bypass or delay parenthood. I think far too many parents choose that path as they are too afraid to follow their aspirations and dreams. Instead they settle for the drudge of 9-5, mediocrity, and financial instability. There are some who believe children are not necessary to lead a fulfilling life. It may break the historical mould of societal expectancies, but what the hell. I'm going spend the �100,000 or so I save from not having a kid on travelling the world. Many parents have their children partly to provide some kind of care and security for them when they grow old.
Chris Ballard, Japan (normally UK) Finding a companion who wants kids before his thirties is difficult in Greece: With two years military service, men are two years late on women, then they want to "live" before committing to a family. Therefore it is also difficult for a woman to become a mother before her own thirties.
With all the "musts" that lifestyle, fashion, tradition plus "family honour" imposes on ceremonial aspects of wedding and parenthood, couples who decide to take their step simply start their life with huge loans and credits - not to mention that you loose the substance over glamour. So yes, I am delaying, but it is fairly impossible to do otherwise - although I'd love to have children now - but is it actually possible?!
Maria, Athens, Greece
We planned to have kids in our early to mid 30's, but oh whoops, had a little "surprise" when I found myself pregnant at 24. Twelve years and one other child later I don't regret one second of it. All the things we thought we couldn't possibly do without paled into insignificance when the kids came along and although our lives have followed a different path to the one we expected we adapted and are very happy. Now we know that we will enter a different phase of life in our mid 40's when our boys are grown and flown the nest. It doesn't really matter all that much when you have kids but they are the most wonderful addition to our lives!
Suzanna, Brit in USA
I am 23 years-old. I am delaying parenthood until after I have my DPhil, so that when I do get married and have children, I will be able to be there for my children. My mother went back to school when I was 3. She was never there for me, my brother or my sister. My friends are married or are getting married. They are ready for children now; I am not. It is personal choice.
Caroline, USA
Regarding all the comments about being 'emotionally ready' for children - you never are; the whole experience hits you like a brick whatever age the parents are.
Steph, Australia
If you have children young, you still have a chance to have your own life and career after they've grown. If you wait till 30s and later, the chances of dedicating yourself to your family are cut because you won't want to leave your career. On top of that, it is a simple fact of life that as you get older you do not have the same energy -as the old saying goes 'the mind is willing but the body is weak'. As for being financially or emotionally ready - getting pregnant makes that happen! Instead of thinking about yourself, everything goes to the baby - money too!
Anon, UK
There are enough children in this world. I am 32, I would rather adopt a child that desperately needs a home than produce one. Of course, I am not ready at the present time, but I imagine I will be in about three years.
Victoria, US
| People who bring children into this overpopulated and increasingly polluted world are strangely not seen as selfish |
I am unabashedly and proudly a career woman. I am also childfree. This is partly because of my career but also for other reasons - including the fact that I simply do not particularly 'like' children or want them in my life. I resent the pressure placed on women to have children. Frequently this is for purely economic reasons. News reports about our declining population are often seen, ironically, side by side with reports about vanishing wilderness, forests, species and the depletion of our natural resources. People who bring children into this overpopulated and increasingly polluted world are strangely not seen as selfish whilst those such as myself who have enjoyable careers and who contribute to social well-being through our work are seen as somehow 'lacking' and selfish. A declining birth rate is NOT a problem and the choice NOT to have children is a positive one. Oh - and I note the original report says that only 66% of women and 41% of men actually enjoyed their children - a sobering statistic if we think about it!
Kathy, Australia Delayed parenthood isn't always planned. I'm 32 and financially stable, but my 4-year relationship is on the rocks, and soon I'll have to start over again, delaying parenthood until I establish a new relationship with a loving partner who wants children. Meanwhile, an older colleague (48) has recently had to accept the devastating news that IVF treatment will not work for her.
Gabrielle, Thailand (ex-UK)
| Women would often wait until their 30s |
I was 40 and Sarah 36 when we had our first baby. I thought this was a bit on the old side until I researched my family history and found that in the 18th to 20th centuries my ancestors in rural areas were having children later in life compared to those in cities and towns. For the men, 30-something was not unusual, some were in their 40s and 50s. Women would often wait until their 30s, and were still having children until their late 40s. The telling statistic among the women is that the age given at marriage and birth of children was often less than it should have been, in one case by up to 12 years. Back then, women could get away with little white lies about their age, but the official statistics don't allow for this.
Jim, Scotland Thinking on parenthood is a good idea. There are too many people who just end up being parents without actually making a real decision about it. I want children, and am 29, but I also know that I am not financially or emotionally ready for them.
Karen, USA
I had my first child of 4 at the age of 34 and the last ten years later. This was not a deliberate choice, just the way things went for me in my life. However, as I approach 50, with a teenager, a 5 year old and two in between, I feel emotionally at the right stage of maturity to be able to parent them well. I know some of the pitfalls of life and I also have the luxury of being able to stay with them during the day in their preschool years and be home for them when they come home from school. This to me is not a luxury or anything to do with wealth, it is just the best start that a child can have in life, their mother's time and presence in the home when they need it, not on a timetable.
Carol, US and UK
| I applaud these people who are prudent and sensible |
Nobody should bring children into this world until they are financially able to support the child through its life themselves, not at the expense of the taxpayer. Those couples who wait until they are older are doing so to ensure that they have built a firm foundation for children. At the same time, they no doubt have satisfied their personal ambitions, career wise. I applaud these people who are prudent and sensible. I have no time for those who begin to breed at 16 and raise dozens of kids at the expense of the State.
Mark H, UK I won't be having children - I never wanted any. I come from a long line of reluctant mothers and count myself lucky that I'm the first generation (I am now in my 30s) in my family who has been able to make a choice and say "No thanks" without attracting a massive amount of stigma. I think not having kids is going to make old age pretty ghastly - but you have to make these choices with your eyes wide open.
R A Coldbreath, UK
From reading previous comments, there appears to be immense pressure on women, especially graduates and professionals to wait before having children. I can't help but feel that society enforces the idea that women are wasting their time if they have children early. My mother had me when she was in her early twenties, allowing her to really enjoy her life in her forties. Is it really that bad to have children early?
Anon, UK
| Do it now! Drop the excuses! |
You don't need to save, or 'have the money', you'll manage. Kids are the best thing in the world, they teach you more than you will ever know, and fill your life with more wealth than anything money can buy. So do it, do it now! Drop the excuses!
Paul B, UK I've been happily married for 2 years. My wife's 30 but kids are not even on the agenda yet. She's a junior doctor working flat out, and we're both busy just keeping our lives running. If either of us quit work to look after kids, we'd lose our house, which is certainly a disincentive! Our situation must be fairly typical, so I'm just amazed at how people manage to actually have families. Having said that, I do not regard having children as a duty, or an inevitable decision, so we'll rumble on and think again in a few years.
Alastair, Suffolk UK
I am 34 and expecting my first baby in March. My husband and I are extremely excited about the prospect of becoming parents. I do wish I had been able to start earlier, though, as I would like to have been able to have lots of children but I think we'll be able to manage 2, and I'm not as physically strong as I was in my 20s so I think I am probably more tired and will find motherhood more demanding than a younger woman. Choosing when to have a baby was however totally out of my control as it took me this long to find the right man to have children with. If you are with the right person and both want children and are able to you're there! You don't need luxuries - surely the biggest luxury of all is being able to have your own baby! I feel that we have been given the most precious of all gifts and can't wait to meet our baby.
Victoria, UK
| I don't feel old enough, mature enough, established enough or brave enough to have children yet |
I am 29. I don't feel old enough, mature enough, established enough or brave enough to have children yet. The only thing I do have enough of is the love of my wonderful husband. I sincerely hope that when it comes to it, we are able to have children.
Sarah, UK I'll end up having kids late or not at all. I'm nearing 30 and I find myself in the situation where I'll have student debt until I'm 40. And on top of that can't find anyone with whom I would want to have kids. Add in a promising career which is only in the beginning phases. So I'm to the point where having kids doesn't even seem feasible!
Babs, UK
My parents waited until they were around 40 to have kids, they had five of us and we've had no problems. With the average age rising what's wrong with waiting until 30?
Tom, England
My ex-wife and I, both graduates, decided to have a child before we had established careers. She had to return to work more quickly than she wanted to and ended up with post-natal depression. I ended up feeling guilty to the point of near suicide. The money became a problem and the marriage is now over. Cant help thinking we should have waited even if our child is a wonderful gift to be cherished every day.
Andrew, UK
| Don't wait too long as every day you spend with your child is precious |
I have recently become a Father at the age of 31. My daughter arrived five weeks early, and was perfectly healthy if a little on the small side. Less than four months later my Mother died. It still brings tears to my eyes to think that she will not be able to see my daughter grow I am ever thankful that my wife and I had a child when we did so that she could get to know her grandmother even for those few short months. The moral is, if you want children and are prepared for the commitment then have them, don't wait too long as every day you spend with your child is precious and none of us live forever.
Barry N, UK I've been married for two years, I'm 28 and although I want a family I am desperately worried about my career. Every time someone I know gets pregnant I ask how did they decide? I have so much control of pregnancy and birth control I can't see how I could ever become pregnant by accident. Sometimes I wish I could so then the decision would be made by someone else!
Holly, UK
Why has nobody mentioned the cost to the NHS of the fertility treatment that couples who have delayed having children demand when they inevitably can't conceive?
Steve, UK
It seems to be that less people want to have children at all in their lives. I certainly don't, and out of 8 of my colleagues of around 30 years old, only 1 has any children.
Paul, UK
I have a friend who suddenly thought she was missing something in her life and at 39 she decided she would like a baby. So her and her partner got married as she was not having a chid out of wedlock. This all took about six months to arrange. And not long after that found out she had been going though the menopause for years. So they ended up with nothing. It was so sad to see her dreams slip away. It made me really grateful I had my kids early on in life. And can now enjoy quality time with my husband.
AC, UK
| Parenthood is highly stressful and being financially and emotionally stable has made the task so much easier |
I married late (36) and I'm now 44 with a 10month old boy. I wouldn't have done it any other way. Parenthood is highly stressful and being financially and emotionally stable has made the task so much easier. There's no conflict between lifestyle and raising our boy because we did the 'lifestyle' thing early and are now happy to spend our time raising our son.
Gregory Nicholls, USA I agree with the statement that those who can least afford it tend to have larger families and rely on state support. This makes me, as a career woman in London determined to have children and not wait. It scares me to think that in 20 years time the UK will be one big sink estate full of poverty ridden families being paid for by the minority who work hard, trying to pay off student loans and stay just above the poverty line.
Caz, UK
My parents, now in their sixties, married in their early twenties and yet did not have children until mum had reached her early thirties. I know other people of their age with the same story. I do not think that this is a phenomenon created by society. My mother never had a high flying career and neither had any student debt. It was just their preference. I think that it is perfectly normal to want to wait until your thirties and have achieved experiences not possible with children that give you the responsibility and maturity that parenthood requires.
Emily, England
| Money can be tight, but you have to choose what is right for you |
At 29 and a mother of a four year old and a 10 week old, I am pleased to have had my children when I did. Money can be tight, but you have to choose what is right for you. It does concern me that all of these women who delay having children in favour of a career, will be then moaning that they can't get pregnant and need IVF because they are too old. If you try to have a career so you can afford a baby, you have it all wrong, if you work out how much it costs you will never be able to afford it, and the holidays, nice cars and houses always get in the way.
Claire P, UK I am 38 and married but do not have a child. Not because we delayed but neither of us want to have a child. The problem is people hardly believe the following: we are happy, we are normal, we are responsible. My home country treat women who have no children like a criminal or mentally ill. UK is not that kind of society but lots of stigmas are still there.
Alisya, UK
I've been married for two years, I'm 28 and although I want a family I am desperately worried about my career. Every time someone I know gets pregnant I ask how did they decide? I have so much control of pregnancy and birth control I can't see how I could ever become pregnant by accident. Sometimes I wish I could so then the decision would be made by someone else!
Holly, UK
The reason that people give of not being emotionally or mentally prepared and of not being able to afford children is something I cannot relate to. I had my first child at 24 and it was totally unplanned but when it happens everything just comes together and falls into place. You find you have emotional and mental strengths you never knew you had and you manage financially. I am now 29 and have completed my family with two children and it feels great to know that I have longer to enjoy them and so do their grandparents. I still work full-time and am able to provide for my children. Don't forget children take up a lot of energy, something we run out of as we get older.
AB, UK
| The catch is, society may be evolving to later parenthood, but biology isn't |
The people I know delay for personal reasons (usually they want to use their time and money to enjoy themselves), not society ones - actually, society does value motherhood, there are many tax and benefit perks for parents. The catch is, society may be evolving to later parenthood, but biology isn't. The longer it's delayed, the greater the risk that the parents fertility will have faded.
Tony, UK I agree with Allyson, I am a 27 year old male and believe it or not there's nothing I'd like better than to find someone to share my life with and have kids. But unfortunately people like us don't get paid what we deserve in the UK, I am constantly counting the pennies and I don't even have enough for myself... Let alone a family.
Anon, UK
I'm not sure it's the right thing to do, but I can't afford a child yet, and I feel like I've barely started my career. I'm 27, have been in a stable loving relationship for 10 years, and have a PhD. I just don't earn enough to provide for the basics, let alone all the "nice" things you want for your child. I also wouldn't be able to get maternity leave, as my contracts are always too short term, I can't find a permanent or even semi permanent job anywhere in the UK. Maybe I should just move abroad like other scientists!
Allyson, UK
My girlfriend and I have just had our first baby. We are both 27, and although it was unplanned, has been the best thing we have ever done. Children don't need lavish gifts and holidays, they need love.
Danny, UK
| Men are as much 'to blame' in this trend as we women! |
I am nearly 29 and would love to have children. Unfortunately, I simply haven't found a partner with whom I would want to have them. Given the fact that adolescent behaviour seems to go on well into people's 30s nowadays, I cannot imagine finding the 'right' partner any time soon. Men are as much 'to blame' in this trend as we women!
JH, UK There is another problem that's not mentioned very often. It is hard to find a man in their twenties who wants children. Most of them run a mile if you mention children.
Anon, UK
Women should stay at home and have children as soon as they can. This is part of their commitment to life.
Paul Brown, UK
I delayed having a child until we could afford it. Mortgages are large these days and child care is expensive. Not to mention the attitude of people around me. When I returned to work after 21 weeks of maternity leave my manager refused to give me a decent annual work appraisal (which affects pay) because I had been off "sick" for five months. Until we are valued as mothers, as well as workers, professional women will delay having children.
Kate, UK
My partner and I delayed having children because we realised that we were too rich to qualify for significant assistance, but too poor to afford childcare. We couldn't give up our jobs and continue to pay the mortgage on our small flat in a run down area of London. Therefore, our choices were to downsize completely, or put off having children until we were earning enough for childcare.
David T, UK
| It's called prudence, not selfishness |
Those waiting until they're in their thirties or older before having children are usually graduates or from other managerial or professional backgrounds. They are educated and aspirational, both for themselves and more importantly for their own children when the time comes. Given the burden of student debt, high property prices, and job insecurity, not to mention the cost of a good education for your children, is it any wonder that our graduates are waiting longer before having children. It's called prudence, not selfishness.
Paul, UK Our generation is better off and in a far better position to raise families than any in the past. All these excuses are just different ways of saying that we don't want to give up our material comforts. That's fine, but we should accept that this is our real issue. We can't seem to get past the idea that we need two cars, a dishwasher a computer and a plasma screen TV before we can contemplate a family. I greatly regret having children late - I will have to delay retirement because I'll still be rearing children in my 60s.
Dave Brown, London, UK
My wife and I are purposely delaying trying for a baby until we feel that we are financially in a position to be able to afford to have one. What with the astronomical cost of living in the UK, we feel it is necessary to be prudential with our plans.
Simon, UK
Working families cannot afford the cost of bringing up children and running a home. Meanwhile, the lower classes can churn the kids out in exchange for yet more state benefit.
Darren, UK
I delayed having children. In fact I delayed getting married at all! Now I'm 50 and I regret it. Mainly because our 'do-gooder', 'nanny' society makes it difficult for people of my age to adopt a child.
Geraldine, UK
| If this trend continues then the kids of the next generation are likely to not have any grandparents |
All great points, but if this trend continues then the kids of the next generation are likely to not have any grandparents to help out with childcare, therefore the whole cycle starts again with parents having children earlier. This may seem trivial, but it is necessary for a lot of parents, my wife and I included, we are in our early thirties with good careers and have two toddlers who spend Mon-Fri split between nursery and grandparents. Our careers do not allow part-time work which severely restricts the balance between finances and childcare. We are lucky, If it wasn't for grandparents we would be in trouble.
Ian H, England You will always find a excuse for not being ready. A majority of people never usually plan to have there baby, but when they arrive, you will always find ways to provide for your baby the best you can. It is human nature to survive. If you ask yourself the question can I afford to have a baby, you will never have them.
Craig, UK
I totally agree with Craig, UK. Not being able to afford a child is an excuse that many people use, including myself. Myself and my husband have now decided that if we carry on like that, we'll still be contemplating having a family when we're 60. We are now "practicing" for our first and can't wait!
HB, Leeds
I totally agree with Craig. A friend of mine said a couple of years ago "if you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have children". It is true. I now have a 16 month old daughter who wants for nothing and she is the best thing that my husband and I have ever done. I was 31 when I had her, and I feel that I was ready emotionally to cope with the most important "job" I would ever have. We are far from well off (my husband is just about to finish his degree) but we work hard and the financial juggling is made easier by watching her change and grow each day.
Mary, UK
| The primary reason is that society just doesn't value motherhood |
The main reason women are delaying having children or even not having them at all is not one of the reasons suggested. The primary reason is that society just doesn't value motherhood and society's views are such that having a child cramps one's style.
Graeme Phillips, Germany, normally UK No great surprise considering the incredible cost of living these days. House prices are high, job security is low and an increasing number of people have to move away from their family to find work.
Alan, UK
I'll be paying my student loan off until I'm 32 so there's no chance that I'll be able to have children until I'm well into my 30's. I'm one of the lucky ones though, my friend has just calculated that she'll be paying her loan off into her 50's. The reason so many women are delaying and in some cases avoiding motherhood is that they're still paying off their education and also fear that they won't be able to afford to send any children to University wither because the costs will be astronomical by then.
Alex, UK
Oh my god, this is me! I am 29 and intend to spend at least another three years establishing myself in my career and building up the savings so we don't suffer too much when we eventually do have children. My husband (age 33) feels the same way as I do so it's not a problem, although both our parents are desperate for grandchildren and feel we're waiting too long. It's an issue that surfaces occasionally and causes some friction. But it's our decision so they'll have to respect that.
Helen, UK
As a trend it probably runs in families. My parents married at 23 and 21, but waited 7 years before I was born. My wife's parents waited even longer.
We married when I was 30 and she 27, but held off 5 years before our first child and 3 more for the second. In the meantime, we travelled and had a great time before being tied down!
Andy Millward, UK
| If we kept making excuses we would never get round to it! |
Me and my partner kept delaying parenthood for all the usual reasons like buying houses, money etc. I then dawned on us that if we kept making excuses we would never get round to it! We are now expecting our first child and couldn't be happier!
Rick, York, England Seems that the only women delaying children are those that can afford them. Those on benefit and don't work have them all the time as they know the state and all of us that pay taxes will look after them.
Stephen, GB
What about the fact that many women just do not feel ready to have children in their twenties? I am 32 and I spent my twenties, not having a high flying career but travelling and doing several different jobs that have made me into a mature, independent and stable person who knows who she is and what she wants. I believe that due to the experiences I have had in my life I will be able to offer children - when I have them - a more complete and happy upbringing to the one I could have offered had I had children 10 years ago.
Karin, UK
You must be talking about sensible and intelligent parents or mothers who actually think about their abilities to raise a child. I have got a different opinion but I must have walked round wrong parts of the cities or watched too much Trisha!
Inga, England
I am 27 and would like nothing more than to get married and have children. I am one of 4 children and would like to have 4 of my own some time soon. Whilst I have a partner of 8 years and we plan to marry and have children we are held back by the cost of having kids. We both have good jobs in the City and own a flat in central London which has proved to be a good investment, but between us we are paying back over �800 a month in student loans and graduate loans (which we took out for further education). Until we pay these off (in about 20 months time) we are simply not in a position to start a family. I believe that this position is similar for many (if not all) graduates, that is we cannot begin on this new and exciting chapter of our lives until we have cleared the debt from our student days. This for us is 6 years after we graduated. I wish that the government hadn't forced us responsible graduates into this position.....
Tamara, UK
| It's about time that people realised that women do not have to give up everything to have children |
I think that the time to become a parent moves on at least 5 or 6 years with each new generation. In the 70s and 80s it was deemed socially acceptable to have children in your 20's. However, now that women play a more prominent role in society more and more people are leaving this till they are in their 30s as they do not want to give up a promising career until they are well established in that job. I am in my late 20s and have no immediate desire to start a family until I am in my 30s, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Surely society should be allowed to evolve. It's about time that people realised that women do not have to give up everything to have children, indeed they can achieve a lot before and after having a family.
Kay Bruinster, Scotland I think it is up to the individual as to whether they have children later in life, as the child will be the one to suffer if the parent/s are not ready. If a women has a child but does not really want one then, the child will feel unloved and unwanted when the parent/s could be brilliant parent/s even if it is a couple of years later
Sara , England
Circumstances not choice forced me to wait for children until I was in my thirties. I had my second child just after my 37th birthday and almost immediately afterwards, started the menopause, which tends to come early in my family. Now I am grateful I did not wait any longer and caution other women thinking of started a family in late thirties to be aware of the possibility that the time clock may be ticking away faster than they think.
A Boots, UK
I waited until I was 34 to have my first child not because of finances or my career, though not having children in my 20's enabled me to develop my career, but because I didn't feel ready before then either emotionally or mentally. I think woman are deciding to have children later because they now have more choices and that can't be a bad thing.
AM, UK
I have chosen to forgo parenthood altogether. My reason is because I don't want to risk losing my home. All too often when parents separate them male is required, usually by the courts, to leave the family home. I could not stand by while another male moved into my former home and 'took my place' within my family!
David Peers, UK
I considered this issue but actually approached it from the opposite direction and had my children before my career and lifestyle had reached a point where I would find it hard to compromise. I have gone back to work part time after both my children and have a fulfilling career although I am slightly behind my peers. However, I am now watching my friends agonise over the 'right' time to have a baby and I am so glad I don't have to make that decision!
Rachel, England
People should realise that times are changing. Women want careers these days and it makes sense to make money and be secure before you start to raise a family.
Dominic Lanceville, UK
| Delay parenthood? I'm planning on bypassing it entirely |
Delay parenthood? I'm planning on bypassing it entirely. Not because I have a wonderful career that I wish to focus on, however, but because I believe that having children is best left to those who want to do it. I don't think I'll change my mind and I don't think I'm selfish - my instincts don't lead that way so why ruin the lives of three just to conform?
Lori Smith, UK I'm not just delaying it; I'm never going to have children. It's partly because I've never really had any strong maternal feelings, but to be honest, for me the thought of losing my career and my financial independence, and being thought second rate at work simply because I am a female with children, is something I am not prepared to put up with. If I were a man I might be more ambivalent but in today's society it is clear that, particularly in relation to career choices and in the fact that we still do not have true freedom to choose roles other than the more traditional ones, women still do not have true equality with men.
Caroline, UK
It seems like parents just can't win. If the findings were the other way around, with people having children early, there'd instead be a news story about people 'sponging' off the state to support children they can't afford. People will have kids when they want to, and they shouldn't have to read 'news' stories like this making them feel second-rate for their choices.
Jeremy, England
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